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You're welcome, I hope it's helpful

Have you gotten far in Walker's book? I haven't been able to read his for some reason. But a line you wrote caught my attention...left and right brain dissociating. Are you able to say more or even provide a chapter where that's talked about? I can actually feel different parts of my brain dissociating. Sometimes it takes out the left sometimes the right sometimes the back sometimes the top sometimes all.

Armee
I'm listening to the audio book on Libby
https://www.overdrive.com/media/4500736/complex-ptsd and am at 79%
I tried reading the book twice and couldn't
But I'm able to listen
It's in chapter 6 in the description of the 4F responses

https://www.studocu.com/en-us/document/metropolitan-community-college-nebraska/introduction-to-psychology/summary-complex-ptsd-pete-walker/46867408


https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/84fp3o/left_brain_vs_right_brain_dissociation/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I know I'm Dissociating when I'm aware that I can not feel nor sense

I choose myself
Breathing in awareness
Tension
Face, eyes, temples, jaw
Breathing in awareness
Breathing in
Breathing out
Breathing down
Down, down, down
Down to the ground
Solid steady
Stone and bone
now-moment, sensing-self, body-self
slow
slow
only breathing, only sensing
slow
slow
Breathing in
Breathing out
I choose myself
it takes a long time
So much time
My Time
Mine
I take my time
Take Back My Time
Take Back My Self
Mine
All Mine
Only Mine
My Time
My Breath
My Body
My Self

Walker putting words to ways
Lost and wondering

Amygdala hijacking
Left AND Right Brain Dissociating
Anger stymied
Crying stifled

Inner Critic cruelly shaming
Censured
Censored

It's so much harder than it seems, to change my mind

It's not like changing a tire, or changing a channel

Or it's exactly that, but the car doesn't change its own tires, my feet don't change their shoes

And it's not a channel I've subscribed to yet

I know things, and I know things and I know things,

But all the reading is only "if only"

Then I imagine forgiving and loving my self, and the chthonican worms gnash pierce tear
And their hatred is my hatred, and my teeth are their teeth
Ground down now, years of grinding in my sleep
Years of chewing myself down
To nothing

Thank you Armee and natureluvr

So much
So very much

30% through Walker's Surviving to Thriving, Audiobook on Libby. Softly reading hope in horror

Armee that brings me much warmth and smiling inside and out

Never really thought it was poetry, there's this whole idea of poetry that is open mike night and black beret and snapping fingers instead of applause, or else gathered in a circle of folding chairs reading from notebooks

"I have nothing to say
and I am saying it
and that is poetry
as I need it."
John Cage

Thank you Armee

Hello Moondance, I haven't been able to read posts at all, I try from time to time, but thus far it's too hard

I want to be supportive of others here; I've greatly appreciated being heard

"... remove film, stir and recover..."

Start from where you are
Work with what you have
Do the best you can

Distracted again by the tech from what I was here to do
Deleted the doc half step after writing yesterday and then it was stale before I posted it, so that's not so good useful

Trying the restart

Woke from a nightmare and couldn't sleep and couldn't cry, I write that, in my head is chuckling "Tyler Durden, lol"

But it's not so funny, and now the immediacy is gone
Not saying the realness of it
Perhaps it's never going to be immediate, being that it's via media instead of in media res

Thank you Armee
Perseverance and persistence is everybody's go to but they don't seem to mention how long it takes, nor the many flat times between trying again