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Recovery Journals / Re: no returns
« on: June 01, 2023, 02:48:21 PM »
thanks, armee. it has been stressful, but i accomplished my major aim, which was to get him to stop contacting my D. i believed if he had access to me, he'd leave her alone. i'll deal w/ the fallout from it, whatever it might be. he and i have a complicated history since the 60's. it'll work out for the best in the end, tho. i'm quite sure about that. 
did some work last week on the sex addiction issue w/ my ex. very difficult, lots of sets, but i think it's made an impact. last nite we watched some outtakes from Big Bang Theory and one of them was about the scene that sent me out of the room the week before. i just panicked, closed my eyes, stated yelling 'no, no, no' to my D, and made gibberish noises so i couldn't hear anything.
it was a reflex reaction, but all the while i was thinking 'i could deal with this now'. in someone else's journal there was a bit of a discussion about how we can sometimes think 'i've got this now' or 'i don't think i need therapy anymore'. i believe my reaction and my thoughts were so far away from each other, it gives me pause as i write about it now. how those 2 polar opposites made themselves known at the very same time, one making a lie out of the other.
at times, this stuff is fascinating even while it's awful.

did some work last week on the sex addiction issue w/ my ex. very difficult, lots of sets, but i think it's made an impact. last nite we watched some outtakes from Big Bang Theory and one of them was about the scene that sent me out of the room the week before. i just panicked, closed my eyes, stated yelling 'no, no, no' to my D, and made gibberish noises so i couldn't hear anything.
it was a reflex reaction, but all the while i was thinking 'i could deal with this now'. in someone else's journal there was a bit of a discussion about how we can sometimes think 'i've got this now' or 'i don't think i need therapy anymore'. i believe my reaction and my thoughts were so far away from each other, it gives me pause as i write about it now. how those 2 polar opposites made themselves known at the very same time, one making a lie out of the other.
at times, this stuff is fascinating even while it's awful.