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Topics - sanmagic7

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Frustrated? Set Backs? / moving through the pain in order to recover
« on: February 17, 2016, 01:41:03 PM »
i'm discovering the old adage of 'it's going to get worse before it gets better'.  right now i'm feeling pretty fragile - it seems that everything has blown up in my face in the past month, and i've begun both physical and emotional therapy to address the issues that are trying to make me insane.  happily, i've found a therapist who is so very caring and validating, and a massage therapist who hits those pressure points on the nose!  both, however, are very painful and stressful experiences, physically and emotionally.  but, i somehow knew this going into it, and am repeatedly putting myself through the stress because somewhere deep inside i sensed that all the pain i've been holding onto, both physically and mentally/emotionally, will take some hardcore work to release.  i am understanding that i have been poisoned in body and spirit, and every release of some old feeling, some old wounding, will put up a fight to stay where it's been comfortable for so many years.  i have had to guide my massage therapist as to where to work, as well as when to stop because the pain is just too much.  but, i know that my tears are filled with toxins that need to get out of me.  it's not a pretty process, nor is it smooth - my therapist told me i will feel worse before i feel better, but that eventually the 'better' will come.  i am trusting that, have faith in it.  c-ptsd is cruel in the sense that we hurt while we're in its throes, as well as when we're getting out of its clutches.  come what may, we will triumph!  i've been a therapist for 30 years and never knew about c-ptsd - it was never taught, never spoken about, never recognized professionally.  i only wish i'd known about it sooner, both personally and professionally.  as it is, all i can do is slog through the muck for now.  slow going, but eventually . . .

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