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Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: Reduced Visibility; One Step at a Time
« on: October 12, 2020, 08:35:25 PM »
here to support you all the way as you seek resolution with this, notalone. love and hugs 
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Recovery Journals / Re: Further Adventures of Elpha
« on: October 12, 2020, 08:32:49 PM »
holy moley, el, i can't believe you're almost done! may! seems like you just started! dang, you're amazing.
i echo wg, in that your story is one of inspiration and light for others to follow. keep up the good work - but i'm especially glad you had a day to breathe. those are so important. much love, and a hug filled with continued strength.
i echo wg, in that your story is one of inspiration and light for others to follow. keep up the good work - but i'm especially glad you had a day to breathe. those are so important. much love, and a hug filled with continued strength.
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Recovery Journals / Re: Rainy Journal
« on: October 12, 2020, 04:29:21 PM »
i have had the same reaction when told to 'think about others' or some semblance of that concept. i don't like comparisons of any kind. other people have problems, true, but i do as well, and i believe it's ok for me to concentrate on what i need to do to help myself.
i hope you can begin finding more kindness and compassion for yourself, rainy. you deserve both. love and hugs
i hope you can begin finding more kindness and compassion for yourself, rainy. you deserve both. love and hugs
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Recovery Journals / Re: Tee’s 2nd try journal* trigger warning *
« on: October 12, 2020, 04:24:44 PM »
sometimes it's very much enough just to get from one day to the next. you're doing that, and i'm glad about it. 
i hope october smooths out for you, dear tee. love and hugs
i hope october smooths out for you, dear tee. love and hugs
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Recovery Journals / Re: Sceal's journey
« on: October 12, 2020, 04:22:52 PM »
sceal, so much of what you wrote were very similar to experiences i've also had in past situations. it was almost eerie, like watching a movie of myself.
i didn't realize what was happening at the time, either, on many fronts with too many people. i just know i had my own reasons for doing what i did at the time, saying what i said, not doing what i didn't do - all that stuff. i'm just not in the same place now, not with the same people, so kudos to us for getting out from under them. that's an accomplishment in itself!
sending love and a hug filled with continued clarity
i didn't realize what was happening at the time, either, on many fronts with too many people. i just know i had my own reasons for doing what i did at the time, saying what i said, not doing what i didn't do - all that stuff. i'm just not in the same place now, not with the same people, so kudos to us for getting out from under them. that's an accomplishment in itself!
sending love and a hug filled with continued clarity
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Recovery Journals / Re: More Concrete Steps, More Therapy Homework
« on: October 12, 2020, 04:15:52 PM »
all i can say is well done, blueberry! you've come such a long way, and it seems like you continue to move forward even more efficiently lately. i'm so happy for you! love and hugs
you've come such a long way, and it seems like you continue to move forward even more efficiently lately. i'm so happy for you! love and hugs
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Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal: Still Befriending My Parts.
« on: October 12, 2020, 04:12:33 PM »
i agree with you, hope, that it's ok to do something different than originally planned.
also wanted to share that as i've been processing certain things, while i don't necessarily feel anger in the moment, i've had several dreams where i was really angry at someone for messing with my stuff or ignoring my boundaries. i think that as long as those feelings emerge in some way, shape, or form, it's a good thing. at least we're getting them out.
funny/weird, tho, that after i wake up, i can remember the dream, my reactions and emotions, and even that i felt the anger in the dream, but didn't/couldn't feel it while i was awake. maybe it's the alexithymia thing. don't know. love and hugs to you, my dear.
also wanted to share that as i've been processing certain things, while i don't necessarily feel anger in the moment, i've had several dreams where i was really angry at someone for messing with my stuff or ignoring my boundaries. i think that as long as those feelings emerge in some way, shape, or form, it's a good thing. at least we're getting them out.
funny/weird, tho, that after i wake up, i can remember the dream, my reactions and emotions, and even that i felt the anger in the dream, but didn't/couldn't feel it while i was awake. maybe it's the alexithymia thing. don't know. love and hugs to you, my dear.
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Recovery Journals / Re: A Safe Place To Be Visible
« on: October 10, 2020, 04:33:52 PM »
i get that impatience to be moving forward or just be done with all this! ugh! every setback gets so frustrating and it wears me out.
i do hope you find what you're looking for in a t - i'm sure it would be helpful. best with all of it. love and hugs, my dear
i do hope you find what you're looking for in a t - i'm sure it would be helpful. best with all of it. love and hugs, my dear
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Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal: Still Befriending My Parts.
« on: October 10, 2020, 04:30:08 PM »
good for you, hope, on recognizing and acting in a self-caring way about that social anxiety. well done!
i've heard that writing with the hand that is not dominant accesses child parts. another thought i had was perhaps asking one of your littles if they'd be willing to just make a mark on a piece of paper, and have crayons, markers, something with colors, available. some parts may be too young to know how to write, but could scribble or just enjoy making colors show on the paper. if that doesn't feel right for you or them, please ignore.
you are certainly working hard at all this, hope. i'm glad you decided to take a break when you needed to. love and hugs
i've heard that writing with the hand that is not dominant accesses child parts. another thought i had was perhaps asking one of your littles if they'd be willing to just make a mark on a piece of paper, and have crayons, markers, something with colors, available. some parts may be too young to know how to write, but could scribble or just enjoy making colors show on the paper. if that doesn't feel right for you or them, please ignore.
you are certainly working hard at all this, hope. i'm glad you decided to take a break when you needed to. love and hugs
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Recovery Journals / Re: Snookie's journal
« on: October 10, 2020, 04:17:34 PM »
glad to hear that, snook, and also that you've got someone who has your back and is giving you a place to vent. well done! love and hugs
love and hugs
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Recovery Journals / Re: Further Adventures of Elpha
« on: October 09, 2020, 10:33:25 PM »
glad the nightmares are subsiding. they can be rough and exhausting.
sending love and a hug filled with restful sleep. you've been thru a lot.
sending love and a hug filled with restful sleep. you've been thru a lot.
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Recovery Journals / Re: Snookie's journal
« on: October 09, 2020, 10:30:17 PM »
hope the meeting went well, snook. love and hugs
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Recovery Journals / Re: Sceal's journey
« on: October 09, 2020, 10:28:47 PM »
i agree with notalone - manipulators make sure they do not take the blame. that's why they test their victims to see how far a person will let them go with what they're trying to do. if we haven't been taught to have a strong sense of self, of personal boundaries, of what's ok and what isn't ok for us to accept into our lives and living experience, we don't have a chance against them. the shame is theirs for taking advantage of people, abusing them in such a way that we end up confused, willing, afraid to go against them, and ultimately, traumatized by the experience.
it's their game, their rules, and we didn't know how to play, so they would win each time. as we continue to recover, we also learn to put the blame and shame where it belongs. shame on them for doing something just because they could, even tho it was something they should not have done because it took advantage of someone for their own personal agenda. love and hugs, sweet sceal.
it's their game, their rules, and we didn't know how to play, so they would win each time. as we continue to recover, we also learn to put the blame and shame where it belongs. shame on them for doing something just because they could, even tho it was something they should not have done because it took advantage of someone for their own personal agenda. love and hugs, sweet sceal.
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Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: Reduced Visibility; One Step at a Time
« on: October 09, 2020, 10:20:51 PM »
i think your little was right on the money with the experience you faced. as children, we don't have the same power as grown-ups. as clients, we don't have the same power as a clinician. however, as adults, we do have the power to end the clinical experience, where we didn't have that same power when we were kids. it's when we can't find our adult part in our adult relationships that trouble occurs. this is all my opinion, and if you don't agree, or it doesn't feel right for you, notalone, please ignore.
as far as your questions about the previous t, i think you can take what was helpful, and leave the rest behind. that may be an empowerment move for you now, since you're not in that relationship anymore. that's something that just came to my mind as a mental picture of my narc t flashed thru my brain. something for me to resolve in the future. i've wanted to shovel all of her and our relationship into the coal bin, because to admit that i may have learned something helpful seemed to give her something positive in my life, and i didn't want any of that. any of her.
so, thanks for posting about this. it unblocked something for me, and i appreciate that. love and hugs, my dear
as far as your questions about the previous t, i think you can take what was helpful, and leave the rest behind. that may be an empowerment move for you now, since you're not in that relationship anymore. that's something that just came to my mind as a mental picture of my narc t flashed thru my brain. something for me to resolve in the future. i've wanted to shovel all of her and our relationship into the coal bin, because to admit that i may have learned something helpful seemed to give her something positive in my life, and i didn't want any of that. any of her.
so, thanks for posting about this. it unblocked something for me, and i appreciate that. love and hugs, my dear
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Recovery Journals / Re: More Concrete Steps, More Therapy Homework
« on: October 09, 2020, 10:12:14 PM »
i agree with notalone, blueberry. i'm beginning to get to that conscious part of this abuse stuff myself, actually feeling how bad it was rather than just saying the words. when it lands on the target, it really makes a difference. i'm with you all the way on this, my dear. love and hugs