Messages

notalone, the same thing happened to me w/ the journals, but w/ several members' help i'm also in the new private journal section.  hope to see you there.

good luck w/ the resume.  i can relate to feeling overwhelmed when having to undertake a task like that.  at your own pace, ok?  love and hugs

blueberry, i hope you get some relief thru your physio.

by the by, paperwork for me is also a chore, sometimes nearly impossible, always nerve-wracking.  well done on finding a paper you misplaced.  it counts.  love and hugs

hey, CF, i remember my days w/ a crockpot and used it voraciously.  haven't used one in quite a while, tho, but dang, that meat came out tender!  so glad you're enjoying yours.

i've also discovered there are a lot of shows that are too triggering for me to watch anymore. when i didn't realize what was happening, it wasn't a problem. now that i know, yep, like you, they're off the table for me.

i know you'll get to your projects when you're ready.  love and hugs

i do love to read, EA, but haven't really been into it for quite some time.  i used to read voraciously, utilized libraries consistently, and in mex. had a friend who exchanged books w/ friends - and when he finished reading them, he gave them to me.

i've never belonged to a book club, tho. there are too many stories now which trigger/activate the sensitive parts of my mind. same w/ movies.  but a chat and warm drink sounds lovely.  thanks.

just staying warm right now. my D is w/ a friend for the weekend.  it's actually been nice being on my own, once i got used to being alone w/ the cat.  i wouldn't be able to do this forever cuz i no longer am able to navigate bill-paying and such, but for these few days i've liked it.

interesting stuff, EA.  the loneliness portion reminded me of the 'failure to thrive' syndrome. i'd first heard it connected to WWII in england, where babies were sent out of london for protection to outlying hospitals. their staff, unfortunately, was overwhelmed, and couldn't do much more than shelter and feed the babies. it was noticed that these children failed to thrive, as in not growing or gaining weight at a normal level, hence the advent of using older people to come in and spend time rocking babies when the parents weren't available.

this has always fascinated me, how we can be given the necessities of life, so to speak, yet because of not having regular human contact, we can be prone to all sorts of maladjustments physically, mentally, emotionally.

i hate that you've had problems speaking up, asking for what you need, and having that ignored/denied. you're another example of the strength we have shown in the midst of sometimes life-threatening adversity. love and hugs

you'd think the crappy people would be somehow stressed, but i think their crappiness just doesn't give a care.  nope, it's us uncrappy people who wear the wounds and try to muck thru somehow.

i've held that shame about not getting over something, have also been judged/questioned by others why not just 'let go'. i agree w/ you, it's in our entire nervous system, possibly even down to a cellular level, which prevents us from living by platitudes (let go and let god from 12-step programs - i can't tell you how many times i've heard that one!)

i know i can say in my head, and to you, that the shame/blame belongs to the perps, and i truly believe that, but that doesn't prevent it from creeping up and upsetting me over and over.  we'll get thru this.  keep up the good work, ok?  love and hugs 

i've been struggling w/ the idea of forgetting my ex and all that happened recently, too, phoebes. have talked w/ my therapist about it and she told me the extent and complexity (all that mental/emot. abuse is never simple) of it is what makes it so difficult to get out from under it.

i believe it's wrapped around my neural networks and has changed them, so i'm working on changing them back, but that's a very slow and tedious project. i've also had him appear in my life, either directly or remotely, which brings all the crapola from the past rushing to the forefront of my mind once again.

it's a battle, a struggle, but i really think all we can do is keep fighting. if writing about it helps, please continue. love and hugs 

hi, kizzie,

looks like this is the place to go for requests for the private journals.  w/ everything going on w/ my D1, i've gotten nervous about writing my stuff on the forum.  thanks for considering me.  love and hugs

just a further update - my D and i talked finances yesterday, we have enough to stay where we are for another month, possibly 2.  this piecemeal, living on a shoestring game is so wearing.  it went under cover the past week becuz of everything else (no word on D1's condition, but i believe this is now a case of no news is good news.  D told me yesterday she's still not talking to her F.) but now it's front and center again.

i had a lovely long chat w/ my bro the other day, and he assured me i could always live w/ him and his girlfriend, so i didn't need to be afraid of being homeless.  my D has always told me that if we have to move she believed a couple friends would take us both in, like we're a package deal, which was wonderful to hear, but also knowing my bro is willing to have me sends an extra vibe of stability thru my spine. just in case . . .

he also assured me that i have a brother who is here for me.  this was a strange, unknown concept cuz he's 9 yrs. younger than me, so was never the one i looked up to or felt i could depend on. we've grown closer over the past few years, and it kind of sank in for me that i do have someone besides my D who has my back. 2 people now. wonderful but weird.  have to let that sink in a bit so it can become organic for me. but, i have to admit, i love the thought.

the only hitch w/ that is he lives in her house, technically, so while it was a heartfelt invitation, i don't know if she'd go for that in all truthfulness.  she has her own problems.  and the doubt just rampaged its way past the positivity.  well, it's nice to think of it as 'could be'.  i'll stick w/ that for now.

i have a question i hope someone can answer for me - how can i send a PM?  i knew how to do it on the old forum, but after looking at all the info i could find here, i can't seem to locate directions on how to do that on this forum. i'd appreciate the help.

also, another question. is the 'having an exceptionally bad day' location gone from this forum? this past week, i wanted to write about what was going on with me under that heading, but i couldn't find it anywhere.  maybe i just missed it - old eyes.

thanks.

hope you're doing ok, NK.  love and hugs

hope you're doing ok, kizzie.  love and hugs

hope you're ok, rainy.  love and hugs

hope you're ok, notalone.  love and hugs

hope you're doing ok, EA.  love and hugs