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Messages - sanmagic7

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Recovery Journals / Re: Rainy Journey 23
« on: May 15, 2023, 04:27:51 PM »
rainy, thanks for the report on GOTG3.  i've watched the other 2, thoroughly enjoyed them, but it sounds like i'll skip this one.

if we haven't been given good examples of relationships, there's no way we'd know how to choose a person to be w/ who might be healthy, mature, and stable and is working on their own issues.  you didn't stand a chance, as did many of us.  we go for what is familiar.  my familiar was lack of emotions, and sure enough, those are the ones i picked to live my life w/.  and if your H doesn't think he has a problem w/ his family, it's going to be difficult for him to break free.  here's hoping, tho.  i can feel how difficult it is for you to be around this dynamic.  ugh!

sending love and a hug filled w/ support and hope :hug:

Recovery Journals / Re: FINDING MY FEELINGS
« on: May 15, 2023, 03:57:03 PM »
i think gardening was a great way to spend the day, moondance.  i'm watching my little seedlings come up right now.  it's very grounding for me. 

sometimes this whole 'family is the most important' thing is way over-emphasized.  for some of us, family has caused us more pain than anyone else.  like you w/ your mom, i've been separated from my eldest D1 (my choice) for over 7 1/2 yrs., and altho i have an ache in my heart, i know that trying to jump back in would only result in terrible distress and abuse for me.  staying strong right beside you.  love and hugs :hug:

Recovery Journals / Re: Armee's Journal - A New Chapter
« on: May 15, 2023, 03:50:44 PM »
armee, i'm SO glad for you that the breathing exercise worked!   :cheer:  such a relief to find something that eliminates our distress.  good for you for persevering thru it, even tho it hadn't worked in the past!  that is so great, shows how much determination and courage you truly have.  you're doing so great!

the experience of yours you describe, well, i can't even imagine it.  it's been bad enough for me not to have emotions, but to take those other senses out of play as well, again, you are a warrior woman.  keep at it, ok?  cool drinks, a little company, soft cuddlies - we can celebrate your success together.  love and a hug filled w/ slow but sure :hug:

Recovery Journals / Re: Sage's Journal
« on: May 13, 2023, 04:29:28 PM »
happy birthday, CF!  the murder mystery theater sounds great!  enjoy!!! 

processing is good?, no matter how much it sucks sometimes!  lol!!!  love and hugs  :hug:

Recovery Journals / Re: Forging New Paths
« on: May 13, 2023, 04:25:47 PM »
blueberry, i also loved your image of an 'inner head' nodding.  great way to check yourself.  and, she does sound like someone i'd rather not be around.  i'm glad you recognized that and have a plan for the next time you meet.  appropriate self-talk, indeed!  love and hugs :hug:

Recovery Journals / Re: Rainy Journey 23
« on: May 13, 2023, 04:21:18 PM »
rainy, i had a similar experience at the market a couple months ago.  it was very cold, i was bundled up in a red fluffy scarf around my head and neck, and a man passing by told me i looked nice and warm, told me to keep it up.  and then he was gone.  i've also had many men during my life, strangers, who would tell me how very sad i looked, to cheer up.  yep, strangers just approaching to tell me something about myself.

i never thought it was a bad thing, only how very curious that they noticed something i didn't realize. none of my friends over the years ever told me that. i will give strangers compliments on how they look, what they're wearing, etc.  usually it brings a smile from them and a thank you.  if you liked being told that, then i'm glad he said something to you.  seems like it made your day a bit brighter. :sunny:  love and hugs :hug:

Recovery Journals / Re: Armee's Journal - A New Chapter
« on: May 13, 2023, 04:13:24 PM »
my dear armee, sounds like more bits and pieces are falling into place.  i don't want it to be w/ you grandparents, either.  whoever else did something to you, may a pox be upon them!  you may feel lost, but that may be because you're in uncharted territory, a place you never expected.  hang on, i'm bringing snuggies and beverages and a lovely book to read to you. you're safe for the moment.   sending love and a hug filled w/ a compass. :hug:

Recovery Journals / Re: Learning to heal, Larry's journey
« on: May 13, 2023, 04:09:28 PM »

Recovery Journals / Re: no returns
« on: May 13, 2023, 04:07:58 PM »
thanks, moondance.  he's gone now, and this morning i felt like a great pressure was lifted.   :hug:

armee, me, too!  thank you for that big hug - loved it! - and for your support as always.  :hug:

as i said, this morning felt like a great pressure has been lifted from my heart? being? soul? but something lifted.  i did find out that she didn't spend as much time w/ him as i thought, so i was glad about that.  otherwise, no real details except he's going to help her out financially, which she desperately needs.  she was also glad to have me back in the passenger's seat while she delivered food.  that felt good.

i did some mental/emotional cleansing yesterday w/ my T - we knew he was gone at 9 cuz my D came home, so we had 10 min. to do some flashing on getting my mind a little cleaned out.  i focused on a shell wind chime i got in mexico, cuz mex. has always been my safe place, and imagined those shells trying to figure out what was the best way to get rid of him.

first they tried covering him up w/ sand, but it didn't work.  then they tried scraping away at him, but too yucky.  finally, they built a sort of wall out of themselves between him and me, and began advancing on him, pushing him backwards away from me.  they kept doing this until they were able to push him into a mighty black hole, and the last image i saw was of him falling backward into the abyss, arms and legs flailing.  it was satisfying.

so, onward. 

Recovery Journals / Re: Kizzie's Journal
« on: May 13, 2023, 03:53:23 PM »
amen, kizzie   :hug:

Recovery Journals / Re: Kizzie's Journal
« on: May 12, 2023, 06:15:46 PM »
kizzie, i didn't attend either of my parents' funerals for one reason or another.  i heard thru the grapevine how much flak people were throwing my way for not attending.  i withstood and survived it.  i have no doubt you will, too.  we have to take care of ourselves first, you know that well.  others will say or do whatever, and you'll probably get talked about no matter what you decide.  i hope you decide on what's best for you.  love and hugs :hug:

Recovery Journals / Re: Kizzie's Journal
« on: May 12, 2023, 02:42:42 PM »

Recovery Journals / Re: no returns
« on: May 12, 2023, 05:19:59 AM »
thank you so, blueberry, for your indignation and support.  and those big hugs are so appreciated.  :hug:

Recovery Journals / Re: Forging New Paths
« on: May 12, 2023, 05:18:00 AM »
blueberry, i'm glad i read him wrong and that he's not what i thought.   :doh:

will be thinking of you while you're inpatient.  sounds like you've made some good realizations for yourself.  well done!  :thumbup: love and hugs :hug:

Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: 2022
« on: May 12, 2023, 05:13:25 AM »
`i echo the others, notalone.  so unfair, such a betrayal.  and i'm angry about it, too.   :pissed: this is just not right.  love and hugs :hug:

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