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Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Re: (TW weight) How to prevent ourselves from vulnerability to future abuse?
« on: July 29, 2016, 04:12:06 PM »
have you explained to your hub just how negatively his mother affects you? is there a possibility that the 2 of you can come up with a plan whereby he keeps her out of your way (take her to dinner, a show, an event, etc.) while she's around, and you don't join them? do you really have to have contact with her via phone? she may throw a fit, your hub may not like it, but when you ask how to take care of ourselves, protect ourselves against such people, staying away from them as much as possible seems, to me, to be our best alternative.
my best friend has a narc mom who abuses her constantly. the last time i visited, i told my friend that i will not visit with her mom anymore when i come to town. this is in an area of the country (southern u.s.) where not visiting when in town is looked on as something extremely rude, akin to a snubbing. i told my friend that, no matter what her mom might say to the contrary, she and i don't like each other, and i see no reason to put two people who don't like each other in the same room, making chitchat, for 2 or 3 hours. besides, i said that i didn't know what might come out of my mouth if i was in that woman's presence and she said something neg. to or about my friend.
i realize everyone is not at the same place in their recovery, and maybe you're not quite ready to take such steps. you may want to explain to your hub that when she's around, you may be going to your room a lot, feigning illness or something, had a hard day at work. she'll probably talk about you behind your back, but that's something that you can know/realize beforehand and let it be. another thought that just came to mind is not to talk about her with your hub. if he wants to have a relationship with her, that's up to him, but you don't have to be involved with that at all, even by listening to him talk about her. yes, it would probably be better if you told him about that beforehand, and why. these e.f.'s you're going through are no fun, and whatever you can do to minimize or eliminate some of them would probably save you some suffering. just my thoughts, for what they're worth. best to you with all this. it's a sticky situation at best, and i hate to think of you having to go through more suffering because of it. you've been through so much already.
my best friend has a narc mom who abuses her constantly. the last time i visited, i told my friend that i will not visit with her mom anymore when i come to town. this is in an area of the country (southern u.s.) where not visiting when in town is looked on as something extremely rude, akin to a snubbing. i told my friend that, no matter what her mom might say to the contrary, she and i don't like each other, and i see no reason to put two people who don't like each other in the same room, making chitchat, for 2 or 3 hours. besides, i said that i didn't know what might come out of my mouth if i was in that woman's presence and she said something neg. to or about my friend.
i realize everyone is not at the same place in their recovery, and maybe you're not quite ready to take such steps. you may want to explain to your hub that when she's around, you may be going to your room a lot, feigning illness or something, had a hard day at work. she'll probably talk about you behind your back, but that's something that you can know/realize beforehand and let it be. another thought that just came to mind is not to talk about her with your hub. if he wants to have a relationship with her, that's up to him, but you don't have to be involved with that at all, even by listening to him talk about her. yes, it would probably be better if you told him about that beforehand, and why. these e.f.'s you're going through are no fun, and whatever you can do to minimize or eliminate some of them would probably save you some suffering. just my thoughts, for what they're worth. best to you with all this. it's a sticky situation at best, and i hate to think of you having to go through more suffering because of it. you've been through so much already.