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Messages - Butterfly

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Addiction/Self-Medicating / Re: Any Other Alcoholics Out There?
« on: February 06, 2016, 01:59:24 AM »
One day at a time. Keep it up!

Other / Re: Skin picking
« on: February 06, 2016, 01:58:00 AM »
From what I've researched it is a form of compulsive behavior so its similar of other self harming in that sense but different since certain self harm practices are pursued with the idea of feeling a release of endorphins. There seems to be conflicting information as to cause and perhaps that plays into how one would approach trying to heal.

From personal experience it can take a long time and conscious effort but finding other ways to self soothe helped. Several times of falling back but eventually overcame it. Keeping skin well cared for so there were no rough spots to catch my attention and also being very aware of what I am doing yet not reprimanding myself for doing it was a first step. For me the cause was nervous obsession combined with stress so reducing my stress by reducing contact with uPDm and taking steps with boundaries helped me heal from within and become a stronger person. To this day I need to be sure to keep skin smooth lest I find myself under stress and fall back. Taking good care of my skin to make sure it's nice and smooth is one way to self soothe.

Books & Articles / Re: Series of Articles on Six Components of Empathy
« on: January 30, 2016, 02:47:46 AM »
It's a journey for sure!

OH goodness what a big pile to be thrown under all at once. How are you doing now?

Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Re: Processing Emotions
« on: January 24, 2016, 12:38:33 AM »
Good to hear vanilla. Progress no matter how slow is still progress. At least that's what I tell myself!

Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Re: Processing Emotions
« on: January 20, 2016, 12:23:46 PM »
Thank you for sharing your experience with the process, it does make me feel less alone in something that yes should have been learned decades ago. It's helpful to realize that it's better to have learned at some point than never at all.

Actually my experience with the concept of sunk cost is related to corporate business environment. It was a concept under discussion often because they were projects  that clearly should have been stopped but because so much money had already been invested the thinking was it had to be finished. This made no sense because costs kept escalating and investment kept increasing but because so much had already been invested no one was willing to shut off the spigot. 

Sometimes we need to choose to let something go because it is not good for us regardless of the time and money we invested in the relationship or to acquire the object. Sometimes it's a  difficult reality this facing that it is was waste of time and money. But to continue a relationship or trying to acquire an object because of what we already invested does not mean the future cost of time and money is worth the effort.

That's at least how I understand the concept of sunk cost, that at some point we have to say this is a lost cause and to continue on the same course makes no sense.

Great article Dutch and it surely makes lots of sense. We need to face the cost benefit analysis and cut losses regardless of past investment.

Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Processing Emotions
« on: January 11, 2016, 01:19:50 PM »
This is helping so much I thought I'd share it with the community. Lately I've been looking into feeling my feelings since they were suppressed for so long. I've learned there's 4 base categories and all 4 of them are normal and human. The theory is there is no bad emotion. Mad, Sad, Glad, Scared and three levels of each with the lowest level being the most desirable in my mind. Some Info here.

Ok so now that I've identified these emotions what do I do with them and how exactly to I feel them. Yes, unfortunately this is what it comes down to at my age - learning to feel an emotion. Something I should have learned from infancy but infants naturally suppress anything not pleasing to caregivers in order to survive.

Here's what I found - a technique called RAIN and here's a neat video explaining the process.

For me it works better and is more therapeutic than Inner Child work which I generally find so very difficult.

Books & Articles / Series of Articles on Six Components of Empathy
« on: January 03, 2016, 12:39:39 PM »
Part of cPTSD for me has been being hyper-aware of others emotions. As a child it meant my survival to read the mood of those responsible for my care and adapt my behavior. This was necessary for continued feeding and housing but has not served me well as an adult. Walking into a room and picking up on non-verbal emotional cues as well as tones of voice imperceptible to others was overwhelming.

Since beginning my Out of the FOG journey and working on cPTSD I've come some way in balancing empathy with being empath. Still I've got a way to go yet in this journey.

This series of articles is just what I need:

Obviously as an empath I was stuck in Emotion Contagion but the other aspects of empathy being so well defined and the articles that follow may help get me target recovery and balance my emotional wellbeing in this area.

(If you're unfamiliar with the concept of empathy vs empath see this thread here.

What a terribly horrific trauma you endured for so long. I'm without words that could even come close to offering comfort. Anything I might say seems so shallow compared to the grief of losing so much. Your pain is certainly understandable as is the other emotions you express. Please know we are here to support you in any way possible.

As far as navigating the site, you might want to start with the Glossary up top. There's links there to some helpful information. Here's a direct link

Also on the main board there's a section called resources for books, videos, etc, which might help you. Primarily the go to book for healing most of us are fond of is by Pete Walker and his website is also full of helpful information and excerpts from the book

Wishing you peace and healing and hope you're able to find some comfort from the support community here. We're fellow travelers along the journey. Do you have a therapist specializing in cPTSD? The treatment for cPTSD sometimes differs from PTSD treatment.

General Discussion / Re: HIghly Sensitive People and Empaths
« on: January 03, 2016, 12:14:36 PM »
Found a great series of articles breaking down empathy into six components. From what I've read it sounds like many of us may be stuck in Emotion Contagion:
If your experience of empathy is primarily unregulated Emotion Contagion, such that you act as an emotional sponge, to the point where you become overwhelmed by the emotions of others, you’ll probably be unable to provide much support to them. You’ll be like the children in the experiment who dissolve into the emotion of the experimenter, and can neither soothe themselves nor offer any support – you’ll shut down.

This link is the first in the series

It makes sense reading through the descriptions of the six components of empathy that to being able to regulate the Emotion Contagion into something productive for both ourselves and others is possible. For me since uPDm isn't able to emotionally regulate coupled with emotional enmeshment meant my survival as a dependent child that's what left me stuck in Emotion Contagion. As an adult I've developed some of the other parts of empathy but can see more clearly in this article what needs further development.

Glad it helped. I took that list and pulled out what ones I really needed to focus on and then read it daily, sometimes several times a day. Mindfulness and grounding techniques helped me to stay focused on the present and safe environment.

Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: i had to go to the mall today
« on: December 22, 2015, 12:41:28 PM »
Hang in there and hold steady! Eventually they may just understand you're not budging in protecting yourself.

Introductory Post / Re: putting it out there ( possible trigger )
« on: December 21, 2015, 11:43:15 PM »
Welcome and I see you've found your way to other parts of the forum. Hopefully the resources and support here are helping you heal. What terribly traumatic childhood events you describe! Wishing you peace.

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