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The thoughts in this thread regarding being in the right healing place makes so much sense and helps me answer the question why any sort of meditation didn't work for me in the past. My healing journey wasn't far enough along and I hadn't found what worked for me - more on this below.

It's also pretty clear there's so many varied forms of meditation practices as there are practitioners! Whatever works for each of us even if that means not consciously meditating is what's important. The thoughts on accepting one another is what this community is about - supporting one another and respecting others individual journey. So many of us were denied a voice and feelings for so much of our life the least we could do for each other is allow it here. Even if we don't agree we can still support one another.

Pieces, what you say also about visualization helps me answer the question why some of the guided meditations I come across irk me so much. Thank you so very very much! Visualizing the physical or being guided along a visual journey isn't what I need. I'm plenty familiar with how to disassociate and I think this is how visualization meditations feel to me, like just more disassociating. That's also a similar point you raise Kizzie about disassociating and I so agree.

Also the meditations to try to change my thoughts to positive don't work because I believe all my full range of feelings are valid and are simply my body's signal that I need to give attention to something. I've long ignored my body's natural signal until it got my attention in a very real and physical way that I could no longer ignore. What I do enjoy and need very much is being present with feelings, grounding, really getting in touch with feelings, allowing my feelings and thoughts, not to try to change them but to listen to their message.

Vanilla, what you describe in walking with nature is so nurturing and I love that for healing. It's very grounding and present in the moment. This may be similar to something I came across on walking meditations. Examining thoughts objectively sounds like it might be related to the practice I found a few weeks ago called RAIN to get in touch with and validate ones feelings and thoughts. That's helped my recovery as well.

Monkey mind! I so relate. It's difficult to focus with such a jumpy little bugger! My mind will spin at such speed. It has helped to calm my body some with deep breathing and simply relaxing not to control my spinning mind but to better pay attention to it and help make the spinning thoughts productive and meaningful. I tend to ruminate endlessly about situations I wish I'd handle better or to plan for encounters with uPDm. This wasn't helpful and impacted my physical health.

My T suggested riding my stationary bike and using my HRM see my heart rate rise but then to stop, do deep breathing and consciously bring it down. Is this similar to what biofeedback is like Kizzie?

So much of the thoughts in this thread will help me find guided meditations that work better for me and I thank each and every one of you for your input and sharing all your experiences!

One day at a time. Keep it up!

From what I've researched it is a form of compulsive behavior so its similar of other self harming in that sense but different since certain self harm practices are pursued with the idea of feeling a release of endorphins. There seems to be conflicting information as to cause and perhaps that plays into how one would approach trying to heal.

From personal experience it can take a long time and conscious effort but finding other ways to self soothe helped. Several times of falling back but eventually overcame it. Keeping skin well cared for so there were no rough spots to catch my attention and also being very aware of what I am doing yet not reprimanding myself for doing it was a first step. For me the cause was nervous obsession combined with stress so reducing my stress by reducing contact with uPDm and taking steps with boundaries helped me heal from within and become a stronger person. To this day I need to be sure to keep skin smooth lest I find myself under stress and fall back. Taking good care of my skin to make sure it's nice and smooth is one way to self soothe.

It's a journey for sure!

OH goodness what a big pile to be thrown under all at once. How are you doing now?

Good to hear vanilla. Progress no matter how slow is still progress. At least that's what I tell myself!

Thank you for sharing your experience with the process, it does make me feel less alone in something that yes should have been learned decades ago. It's helpful to realize that it's better to have learned at some point than never at all.

Actually my experience with the concept of sunk cost is related to corporate business environment. It was a concept under discussion often because they were projects  that clearly should have been stopped but because so much money had already been invested the thinking was it had to be finished. This made no sense because costs kept escalating and investment kept increasing but because so much had already been invested no one was willing to shut off the spigot. 

Sometimes we need to choose to let something go because it is not good for us regardless of the time and money we invested in the relationship or to acquire the object. Sometimes it's a  difficult reality this facing that it is was waste of time and money. But to continue a relationship or trying to acquire an object because of what we already invested does not mean the future cost of time and money is worth the effort.

That's at least how I understand the concept of sunk cost, that at some point we have to say this is a lost cause and to continue on the same course makes no sense.

Great article Dutch and it surely makes lots of sense. We need to face the cost benefit analysis and cut losses regardless of past investment.

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This is helping so much I thought I'd share it with the community. Lately I've been looking into feeling my feelings since they were suppressed for so long. I've learned there's 4 base categories and all 4 of them are normal and human. The theory is there is no bad emotion. Mad, Sad, Glad, Scared and three levels of each with the lowest level being the most desirable in my mind. Some Info here.

Ok so now that I've identified these emotions what do I do with them and how exactly to I feel them. Yes, unfortunately this is what it comes down to at my age - learning to feel an emotion. Something I should have learned from infancy but infants naturally suppress anything not pleasing to caregivers in order to survive.

Here's what I found - a technique called RAIN and here's a neat video explaining the process.
https://youtu.be/t9NtQXfULTU

For me it works better and is more therapeutic than Inner Child work which I generally find so very difficult.

Part of cPTSD for me has been being hyper-aware of others emotions. As a child it meant my survival to read the mood of those responsible for my care and adapt my behavior. This was necessary for continued feeding and housing but has not served me well as an adult. Walking into a room and picking up on non-verbal emotional cues as well as tones of voice imperceptible to others was overwhelming.

Since beginning my Out of the FOG journey and working on cPTSD I've come some way in balancing empathy with being empath. Still I've got a way to go yet in this journey.

This series of articles is just what I need:
http://karlamclaren.com/the-six-essential-aspects-of-empathy-part-1-emotion-contagion/

Obviously as an empath I was stuck in Emotion Contagion but the other aspects of empathy being so well defined and the articles that follow may help get me target recovery and balance my emotional wellbeing in this area.

(If you're unfamiliar with the concept of empathy vs empath see this thread here.
http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=1810.msg15853#msg15853)

What a terribly horrific trauma you endured for so long. I'm without words that could even come close to offering comfort. Anything I might say seems so shallow compared to the grief of losing so much. Your pain is certainly understandable as is the other emotions you express. Please know we are here to support you in any way possible.

As far as navigating the site, you might want to start with the Glossary up top. There's links there to some helpful information. Here's a direct link
http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/OOTS_Glossary.html

Also on the main board there's a section called resources for books, videos, etc, which might help you. Primarily the go to book for healing most of us are fond of is by Pete Walker and his website is also full of helpful information and excerpts from the book Pete-Walker.com

Wishing you peace and healing and hope you're able to find some comfort from the support community here. We're fellow travelers along the journey. Do you have a therapist specializing in cPTSD? The treatment for cPTSD sometimes differs from PTSD treatment.

Found a great series of articles breaking down empathy into six components. From what I've read it sounds like many of us may be stuck in Emotion Contagion:

If your experience of empathy is primarily unregulated Emotion Contagion, such that you act as an emotional sponge, to the point where you become overwhelmed by the emotions of others, you'll probably be unable to provide much support to them. You'll be like the children in the experiment who dissolve into the emotion of the experimenter, and can neither soothe themselves nor offer any support – you'll shut down.

This link is the first in the series
http://karlamclaren.com/the-six-essential-aspects-of-empathy-part-1-emotion-contagion/

It makes sense reading through the descriptions of the six components of empathy that to being able to regulate the Emotion Contagion into something productive for both ourselves and others is possible. For me since uPDm isn't able to emotionally regulate coupled with emotional enmeshment meant my survival as a dependent child that's what left me stuck in Emotion Contagion. As an adult I've developed some of the other parts of empathy but can see more clearly in this article what needs further development.

Glad it helped. I took that list and pulled out what ones I really needed to focus on and then read it daily, sometimes several times a day. Mindfulness and grounding techniques helped me to stay focused on the present and safe environment.

Hang in there and hold steady! Eventually they may just understand you're not budging in protecting yourself.