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As far as I know it's not uncommon for whole chunks of the past to be gone in the brains attempts to erase the past or hide the trauma. It might be good to ensure there's no medical issue especially if you can't remember things as recently as three years ago the birth of your child. Welcome and hopefully the resources and community here can help comfort you in some way.

Hopefully things calmed down for you still.

Good!

Tired, see if this information helps
http://pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm

Also I read recently that flashback feelings are very real, they are real things making us feel very real feelings. The thing is these events and feelings are past, not present "now" events and feelings. Mindfulness meditation and grounding techniques help to bring us back into and stay in the present.

Tread lightly on your heart, I'm sure you meant well. Perhaps your daughter understands you meant well also. It's taken me a long time to step back from being the eternal fixer in my family and it's a hard habit to unlearn. Hopefully you're feeling better since you wrote this and have made some peace within your heart.

What works for me as far as therapists is asking for a phone consultation. It was sort of like an interview where I asked each therapist the same questions such as what was their approach, what can I expect in the first few sessions, things like this. It help me get a feel for where they were in their methods and their voice and pace of conversation.

Another thing I did was research the therapists ahead of time on medical and psychology websites. They often list their specialty, their approach, and other helpful information to figure out if it's a good fit.

Maybe one or both of those ideas it's helpful for you as well.

As far as self sabotaging I know what you mean and for a long time I was stuck to feeling I didn't deserve happiness or freedom. The fear obligation and guilt along with all the cPTSD symptoms kept me stuck. This was an interesting article https://stopstressweight.com/is-stress-causing-your-weight-gain/ The self-help exercise at the end of the article helped me.

Hope you find something that works for you.

Welcome and I'm so glad got a therapist that understands and can guide your journey. It's wonderful have found a safe relationship as well. This is has been a wonderfully supportive community of people for me and hope you find the same, wishing you peace and healing.

Just wanted to share this link I found the other day.
http://liveboldandbloom.com/09/relationships/embrace-your-inner-adult

Oh Blue! Not triggering for me! Sorry I didn't explain more clearly! I meant if your therapist is triggering you then why go? What I meant to convey is:  If I was paying for therapy only to have been triggered into an episode then it would be a complete waste of money for me.

Oh that really stinks! The only option would be to change your number but if she knows people you know that could be an endless cycle. One friend I know never set up voicemail on her phone. Either she knows you and she answers or she doesn't answer. She does respond to text messages though and her friends know how to reach her. It's extreme but everyone does what they need to do to protect themselves from triggering issues. Have you thought of other ways to protect yourself from this?

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time of things. Hopefully today is a better day.

As far as no contact, then no response is the best although real no contact as I understand it means she is blocked from contact. What you describe is no response if she can still contact you. This sometimes leaves us open to trauma from attempted contact.

Mall trauma and such things sometimes send me to self soothing for hours until I can get back to calm. Mindfulness techniques and practice helps also.

It's terrible your fantasy world is trauma filled. My 'peaceful place' if it's like your inner fantasy life is more tranquil scenes I picture in my mind. Not sure if that's the same thing as you mean.

Well I don't know but it I were paying for therapy I'd want someone to work with what I need from the session and not trigger me all over the place. Just reading through some of the dialog is terribly triggering for me, awful. It's good you've decided not to return and I hope you find someone compatible.

Understandably therapists want to see us make progress but I'm not sure his methods are suite to someone with cPTSD.

I'm sorry you had this experience.

Always so good to hear progress! Thanks for sharing!

Thanks I need to follow up and read more on this.