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Thank you for the reply Dee.

Sorry you have experienced this and that it's not uncommon. 

I do feel like i must have been walking around with a huge neon sign saying "hurt me".  Maybe this therapy will help get rid of the last of that sign. x

I have 3 main abusers, some of it was in childhood, one in teens and one from 17 to 24.

I also remember 3 other people who have touched me when/when they shouldn't to actual sex.  All those 3 were before i was 12.

It just seems like too much.  How can people believe me?  If anything ever happened again i would be made to look like a liar.

IDK, just feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable.  Sorry.

I have recently started prolonged exposure therapy.  we have done alot of prep work and next Monday i am going to be talking about one of my more persistent flashbacks.

The session is going to be 90 mins and recorded.  I'll be expected to listen to it  between sessions.

I don't know how i'm going to get actual words out.

Have any of you ever done this type of therapy?  The aim seems to be to desensitise me to what happened to process the memory.

Any input very welcome!!

I've just seen this and am so happy you went with it! It's beautiful and right for you.

I'm guessing it wouldn't work for you if it wasn't truly what you needed/wanted to happen and express now.

So happy for you to have such a great therapist x

I've just been looking at these courses too!  Did you get it? x

Hi, not been around for a while.

I had an assessment for help a while ago, i got referred to a trauma clinic.  I start on their group on the 18th October.  Not long now.  It's called Surviving  to Thriving and last 10 weeks.  Got all the info 2 days ago.

I have gone down hill quite quickly since that appointment.  Even though i felt really understood and validated.

I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist next week to challenge some of the stuff that has ended up in my records and as a diagnosis.  I am starting a course called Healthy Active Minds, appointment is the same day as the psychiatrist.  I had an initial appointment with a R*p* crisis centre as old stuff has been coming up really badly.  I started back at work after nearly 9 months off. My mum has been ill, my brother is possibly mentally unwell and has assaulted my SIL.  It's a mess.  I am trying to be a support, but things are so difficult.

Oh, and i haven't slept properly for months now. 

Got to keep pushing forwards though.  Anyway, just wanted to get that out there.  I hope things don't feel this intense for too much longer.  It seems to have all kicked off after talking about this out loud!! 

Hope you are all doing as ok as possible xx

Thank  you for the reply Dee.

Don't have many words tonight, but thank you for the support x

I have been talking with a sibling and feel really overwhelmed by how much was going on for them as well.  Very different stuff, plus some of the same.  I feel awful that i walked away and tried to save myself and just left. 

I know my older  sibling did the same and how i felt when they left.  I did the exact same thing.  I'm so glad to be able to talk to one of them about this, and we are hoping to get the other involved by going out for a meal or something, which has never happened in our whole lives together, and we are all between 30's and 40's now.  So much time lost just hiding from each other and feeling bad and all the while living in the same area and just feeling so odd that we don't know how to connect.  I'm not even sure how i am managing to type this. I don't feel like i am connected to my hands.  I hope this gets easier. 

So the more I look into all this, the more i have been wondering about physical stuff.  I get loads of cold sores - not the normal "i get loads of cold sores" chat that several friends come out with.  Like, a serious amount.  I have been taking medication for them (zovirax in tablet form (UK name)) for many years, which has reduced the number, but not stopped them like it's supposed too. 

I did a DBT group thing several years ago (for eating disorder) and used to get a cold sore every tuesday after group.  If my cats are at the vet, i get one, if i get late to an appointment, i get one.  Some times two or three.  If i spend time with certain people, i can get more (5 is the most so far at once).  Everyone is always asking if i'm run down - whatever that actually means - this has happened since being a small child.

While i'm here, the other one i was wondering about is Raynauds disease/syndrome/whatever.  Where i lose all blood supply to my fingers and toes. It's usually caused by a change in temperature - like getting out of a warm bed into a cold room, or getting something out of the freezer.  But i mostly get it when stressed out, going to be late, worried.  Has anyone ever had this? 

Hope none of you get this btw! Thanks for reading though!

Hi leebee!  Just wanted to say hi i guess, and that i am new here too and am atm thinking of who is safe to talk to and how to work it all out so it is safe for me to say something.  (Got good advice on my post earlier in symptoms of cptsd section of the forum).  Glad you found this site, but so sorry you had too   I'm sure you'll get loads of help here - I know i have had amazing support already. Hope you are doing okay today/tonight x

Wow, guys thank you so much!  I'm feeling a bit of a mess just now, and will hopefully be able to return to this soon, but just wanted to say thanks for the input.  I feel a bit more 'normal' for having read your messages to me 

How do you decide who you can trust with this kind of stuff?  I am feeling really strong urges to tell everyone whats happening just now (since assessment on Friday) but know that this goes totally against my usual way of thinking.  For 1, it would be potentially dangerous i think, being vulnerable like that.  Also might make me feel ashamed later/after, and could also be met with a bad/unwanted reactions.

So why would i be wanting to tell everyone? What's this all about?  The really mean bit of my mind is saying it's because I'm an attention seeker who just wants people to feel sorry for me etc.  Is that true?  I don't know.  It's very different from my normal way of just wanting to keep things quiet.

Hope I'm not posting too much, just feel a there is more of a chance to be understood here and not feel too ashamed about all the questions.

Was veggie for around 10 years and now vegan for about a year and a half - you shouldn't have to make something like that in your kitchen!  Totally agree with what i've read above!  Your cat needs to eat meat - your friend doesn't need it in the same way.  It is YOUR KITCHEN!  Keep it for what you want in it.  Your friend will survive a night/day without fish/meat!!  Good luck, hope it all goes well - I know conflict can be difficult, even if you are in the right x

I am so new with all of this, but just had compassion therapy (?) mentioned to me - a quick look on wiki seems to suggest that it might be good for that sort of thing - but hey, i have no idea what it really entails or can do - but it is a term you can look up at least.  Sure someone with more experience/knowledge will be able to help you out.  Good luck x

Thanks for the reply Radical. 

I thought it might well be part of it all, but since I try to not talk about any of this stuff usually, I'm not sure and just wanted to check in with others who might know!  Been a long time since doing any kind of therapy type stuff.  I'm trying to plan things for the next week to make sure i see someone every day etc, but not do too much as well. 

Thanks again!