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Messages - marycontrary

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My inner critic as an evil SOB saying all the thing that you guys have covered. I have put that SOB finally to sleep in the last 3-6 months. No more hateful internal nagging...thank you God!!!!

General Discussion / Re: Realised something today.
« on: March 27, 2015, 11:10:37 AM »
Yes, keep being disobedient to your inner took me a while as well. Now I spoil myself all the time with hot drinks. taking clothes to the cleaners, and getting my toenails painted....

YA :bighug:Y!

yay guys keep this beautiful thread going!!!

Very deep conversation guys, I have been through it. Yes, I think it is your brain trying to consolidate emotional memories.

Keep it going.

Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Do we have to forgive?
« on: March 27, 2015, 02:27:52 AM »
Well, if people want to judge us for sticking up for ourselves, I say screw that! So what? Don't need  people around who do not support your recovery.

Oh Sweeties, this is the painful part of brain remodeling. You know how physical therapy hurts and sucks? Same, exact thing, except it is your brain...

It is gonna be OK. Digest those * feeling, one spoonful at a time. Here is something I want you to listen to...lot of good technical advice with releasing emotions.

Look at the talk called

Self-Generated Emotion

Take care, Kiddos.

General Discussion / Re: Afraid of perpetuating abuse
« on: March 18, 2015, 10:09:28 AM »
OMG yes.  :bighug:

I have mentioned this elsewhere, but the biggest thing I feel about the situation is the regret over having severely deranged attachment and bonding systems. A lot of us here do. I am a loving and giving person, I have tons of friends, but ultimately there seems to be "at best" an avoidant attachment style thing going on. I am working on this like a mad man, and I have improved much, but I don't think that I will ever be like normal people.

Like Kizzie, mine was over time, and gradual. It started about 3 years ago.

General Discussion / Re: OK, another one about being triggered by sex
« on: March 17, 2015, 10:02:32 PM »
SC, thanks for posting. The depressed feeling are gone. I get no deep sense of abandonment...but that is not to say that it ain't that, either. But I do agree, it is from being too "close" as you say. It was like a fatigue.

General Discussion / OK, another one about being triggered by sex
« on: March 16, 2015, 06:43:24 PM »
On other thread, we had a really good discussion on sex, and it was deeply enlightening on a personal level.

Well, I had sex all this weekend with a really nice guy. It was a totally positive and seemingly healthy experience.  I really needed to get laid, and so did he.

Well, he left to go back home this weekend and I was ready to have some quiet time. A few minutes later, I started getting really depressed. I was watching my inner state very closely. I suddenly remembered that after I had fun casual sex about 8 years ago in the past, I felt the same way.

This is not abandonment feelings. This is not a moralistic self loathing or regret. No shame. It was a totally wonderful time. This is some sort of triggering of some script in my head that made me incredibly depressed inside of a few minutes.

The thoughts that have been going through my head are unrelated sadness events about how problematic my attachment mechanisms are. But this depressive thing, which is the worst than I have had in months and came on like a tsunami, is mostly a mystery.

Again, I deeply appreciate Ya'll and would welcome thoughts oh this. It is perplexing.   

Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Do we have to forgive?
« on: March 14, 2015, 05:34:22 PM »
No, you don't HAVE to forgive, just as long as you are at a place where you are not eating yourself up, it is OK.

Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Storm Before the Calm?
« on: March 14, 2015, 05:20:05 PM »
Here is a very good video...please watch it all. It helps explain the dynamic.

General Discussion / Re: Frozen EF Anger - what is this?
« on: March 12, 2015, 05:44:23 PM »
Guys, the suggestions here are brilliant! Thank you!

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