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Hi hamster!

I can totally relate to your post. I totally get the anger. My anger actually lasted a few years along with denial.

I'm speaking for myself here, but once the anger subsided it allowed me to actually accept my 'illness' (injury) and it's only been in this acceptance that I've really moved forward with my recovery. Pete Walker says in his book that recovery is a never ending process. When I first read that it absolutely terrified me. Now it empowers me. While the real change is hard hard uncomfortable work, I've actually found some parts of therapy and getting to know myself fun and enjoyable.

Don't let anyone tell you to stop being angry because you have every right to be. Please just know that even though it's a long journey the anger will subside (the all consuming anger anyway, not the healthy understandable anger) which will leave room in your heart for healing.

I'm 28 too by the way. Welcome!

I don't really have any support if I'm honest. But I do have a therapist and I already have distanced myself about a 2hr drive away.

I have slowly been withdrawing from them over the past 3 years. But I still see them enough for it to be toxic and unhealthy. Plus I still see all their Facebook posts which make me so angry. I'm hoping to continue to drift away. I just can't stand the thought of yet another Christmas with those people, which is fast approaching.

It's more so my mum that will cause me the most stress. She's not malicious but she is a massive people pleaser and the type of person that will never stop hounding you until they get their way (split personality or what). I read somewhere that the flying monkeys end up being the people who are easiest to manipulate. My mum is so naive.

Oh wow I love that quote about comfort zones!

Did you go no contact with your whole family contessa? Do you feel as though you can breathe easily now?

Thanks for your reply songbirdrosa.

It's such a horrible position to have to be in.

I'm terrified. But change never happens in my comfort zone so I feel like this is something I really need to endure.

After an emotional weekend I have finally decided that I am going to go no contact with my toxic brother.

The last time I saw him was about 4 weeks ago and I have been ruminating ever since.

I am so nervous because my parents are his flying monkeys and I have am pretty certain my relationship with them is going to deteriorate. I think that's the fallout I have been the most scared of. My mum is also highly manipulative and lies a lot, so I know she is going to try and twist things.

I think I am finally strong enough to deal with it though. And I am super excited about my new free life.

Anyone have any tips for dealing with family members who refuse to see the abuse??

Yes! You said that perfectly! The 'I was here first' mentality. So childish.

The narcissist in my life is a sibling also but my parents are the flying monkeys. Butter wouldn't melt. It's caused me an extreme amount of damage in my adult life.

How did you handle your sister? Did you go no contact? Did you ever learn to enjoy the things you weren't 'allowed' to be interested in?

Does anyone else who was raised in a narcissistic family unit feel like they aren't allowed to enjoy anything or be successful?

I am constantly feeling guilt for having interests that are the same as the narcs. I feel like if it's something they are interested in then I'm not allowed to enjoy it too.

I've even had him become enraged because I watch a tv series that he watches.

My life's become a series of self sabotage and dumbing myself down so that I don't upset the narcissist with my success. I have a lot of grief about what I could have made of myself.

Thankyou so much for your replies. This forum is great but I do miss human contact. I'm extremely isolated and lonely.

I would like to go no contact and have slowly been distancing myself over the period of 2-3 years. The narc is the bro, but I have to deal with my mum guilt tripping me and playing go between and telling him all of my personal information. I've tried to express to my mum how miserable I am but it's not getting through. She says 'things must have happened when I wasn't around' but she was there for all of it but just refuses to see it and tells me I take things the wrong way, it's extremely isolating.

I'm very stressed and just want to be able to live my own life but time is quickly passing by and I'm scared that when I finally do get some peace it will be too late to enjoy.

My misery spills over into my friendships and attempts at romance so no one wants to be around me.

I just feel like I'm slowly dying.

I'm usually in an ef when I post on this forum so I'm sure it will all pass in a few days.

I know this topic has been bought up several times, but how do you go about recovering when you don't have any support?

I just don't get anywhere in therapy because if a certain family member starts noticing I'm changing he mocks and humiliates me and then I just go straight back to how I was.

I read somewhere that you need a 'healing relationship' in order to recover but I have severe intimacy issues. I don't know where I can meet anyone who would even want my misery in their life....certainly not a healthy person.

I don't think he's ever claimed to be a narcissist.

I don't know why so many people accuse him of being a narcissist but that's my point about the obsession I guess.

It doesn't matter who Richard grannon is as a person. His courses are amazing and have changed my life. He has so many great points that I find myself constantly re-watching old videos. His discipline course was incredibly powerful for me.

It's like that saying, when we're a hammer we see everything as nails.

That's so true. You'll always find those traits in people if you are looking for them.

Hi SE7,

I probably should have worded that different and just spoke for myself not everyone else because I think it offends people...but I definitely got narcissist obsessed. I learnt so so much but I did waste a lot of time...again focusing all my energy on them and not myself.

I also found that I would be put off by people who displayed ANY narcissist traits at all, which isn't fair because we all have some traits and it doesn't mean someone is a full blown npd...but I threw them all into the same basket. If I had of kept going with that mentality I would be 100% isolated because no one would ever 'measure up' so to speak.

That's great that you have found out about narcissistic abuse! Of course I think it's massively important and being here validates our experience but I have to be careful not to let myself cross over into unhealthy obsession. Here's to focusing on ourselves more than we focus on them!

Every time I make progress in therapy it is sabotaged by my family.

Exactly. I can relate to this so much! I guess you are right...it's a trade off I suppose. I hate it because Im so happy with where I live and my current therapist.

I hate the idea of starting over again. But I think it's the only solution. The whole family is sick.

Thanks for your reply Dee.

It's seems like the only solution, even though I really don't want to start over with a new therapist because we've just started touching on my intimacy issues.

I really feel like I was making progress but then the obligatory family functions happen and I really go downhill quickly.

How do you feel about the idea of relocating? I worry that I'll attract more narcs if I'm new to a town.

I think it's really great that your therapists have suggested that you distance yourself. By law in the country I live in, therapists are not allowed to advise to cut contact with people. They run by the belief of 'if you learn to be assertive you can change the family dynamic'. I don't think it works that way with narcissists.

How much healing do you think is possible when you are still in contact with a narcissist.

I love where I live, but it's too close to my family of origin. Every time I see them I take a few weeks to stabilise again. I'm thinking I need to move somewhere slightly further away, but I'm terrified of starting over with no support network.

The back story. Older brother is a covert narc, my parents refuse to see the problem and guilt trip me every time I attempt no contact. My mum also plays go between...any personal info I share with my mum gets relayed to the brother.

My mum wants a happy family, so will lie and downplay things so that no one will leave her.

I'm so trapped and suffocated. I just want to escape but I get made out to be a terrible person.

Wow ok.

I don't really understand why but hey do what you have to do.