Messages

Omg.

It's just so frustrating. I guess it's easy for them to be unaccountable. If they can blame it on their gender they will lol.

Hahaha drama mama, good name Dutch uncle! Suitable I am sure 

I wonder if these comments are normal in neurotypical families. I wonder if all brothers talk about their sisters 'tits'. I just find it weird and uncomfortable.

Has anyone had experience with male narcissists hating women?

My narc is my older brother. Every time I achieve anything he says "it's because you have tits". Does anyone else have this problem or find this weird at all?

if I say no it's because I worked hard he says he's joking and I take it too serious.

Even his marriage breakdown is because women are 'crazy' and of course has nothing to do with him.

Is sexism a narcissistic trait or is it just convenient for him to use it to hurt me, is sexism just a tool he is using?

Wow thanks so much for all those resources!!

I can't wait to read them all. So I saw my mum tonight, and I really just don't think I have the heart to break the news. The abusive nature of my brother is hugely minimised by her. She's like 'oh but he's going through so much right now and he had such a hard childhood and your just being a bit too harsh'. She is always making excuses for him. She's not malicious tho, she's just totally in the dark and wants to believe her son is a good person. I get really torn, like I'm letting my parents down.

It even makes me second guess myself...but I just keep going back to the word 'dysfunction' and know that I really do know the truth. I've never had the heart to tell my parents about what a narcissist is and how much the bro fits the bill.

I have so much respect for people like yourself who have enforced no contact. Wow. What a challenge! Good on you for standing your ground, I don't know if I'll ever get there.

Just a quick question. How much healing did you do in low contact compared to no contact? Is it possible to heal a little or do you still come under fire for the changes you are making? I know nc is best but I'm trying to weigh up the best option.

I want to go no contact with my brother.

I'm done he's dead to me.

How do I go no contact with him but continue to have a relationship with my enabler parents? I know he will try and get 'revenge' and want to know what plan I can put in place to reduce the backlash.

Any ideas or advice from those of you that have gone no contact would be very much appreciated. Thankyou!

Yeah I don't know if it's for his amusement as such but possibly sees you as a challenge?

Either way, he's putting his needs before yours and that is a sign of a bad doctor.

Wow it sounds to me like he is being careless and clumsy. Psychiatric care is supposed to move you forward, not set you back.

Its hard choosing therapists, because on one hand you get sick of repeating your story and starting afresh until you find the right one, but on the other hand you don't want to stick with someone who is doing more harm than good for you in the long run.

I'm so sorry to hear you were part of 9/11. I can't imagine what you have been through. I'm glad you have found support groups, both in real life and here online.

I feel like the answer to your question is within you. Good luck!

Hi kizzie,

I am interested in neurofeedback, how many sessions have you had all up and how long did it take for you to start noticing the change?

Sounds like your moving in a positive direction!

How amazing science is!

Thanks so much, it's amazing how much self blame is there which is automatic. I'm glad you made the comment you did...I just picked up on the fact that 'I guess we drew the short straw' has an essence of 'it's my fault, but I'm helpless to change my life'

Insights 😊

Thankyou!

Hi there,

I think you have a great chance of recovering because you are so aware of the issue so young.

My advice is to find a trauma psychologist and ask them if they have dealt with cptsd. Also, the Spartan life coach videos on YouTube are an awesome free resource to help you define your goals and educate yourself on emotional abuse and cptsd. It is Also a great resource for your partner to watch to help understand what you are going through and how they can support you.

Lisa a Romano is also a great YouTube life coach and takes new clients via Skype, she helps heal codepency but not cptsd...both issues cross over tho I find.

Also pete walkers book from surviving to thriving.

Apart from that, having compassion for yourself, being patient and looking after your own needs is the only advice I can give you.

Good luck and good on you for taking the first step in recovery.

Thankyou for your reply.

It's sad you know, the permanent damage done by other people. I guess we were the ones that drew the short straw hey.

I struggle with 'healing' because I feel like the effort I have to put in outweighs the reward at the end. It's a hard pill to swallow.

But I have to wake up every day, so I guess I have to make best of it as much as I can.

Thankyou for the kind and wise words. I'll look into what doctor Google has to say about it and maybe work with my therapist and see what we can do. I'm so glad we live in the age where there is so much info out there and we aren't alone on our journeys.

Hi,

So I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of ruminating (probably 70% of my day) which totally destroys any progress I make. I ruminate about the trauma and replay and replay most the day every day. I try to stop it by sleeping but then I have dreams about it too. Not really nightmares tho, just normal dreams.

I guess this is my brains way of saying I need to 'process' some emotions etc. but I don't understand what it means when people say you have to process your trauma. How do I go about it? I've tried to make emdr appointment but got laughed out the door when I said it was bullying and emotional abuse.

I love his videos!

Helpful, entertaining and inspiring!

He has helped me to lose the 'cure' fantasy and accept my situation for what it is. Not ideal, but hopefully with his courses I'll be able to recover to some degree.

Plus max is a legend!