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Hello all.

This morning, before a fairly serious meeting, I looked at facebook for a bit of positive diversion, but at the very top of the feed there was a photograph which should have sent me in a spiral.

In the past i've gone into anxious fits and have had meltdowns that wipe me out for weeks at a time. But for some reason I did not today.

I felt that spark of heat in my heart, but it was tiny and did not grow.

I checked a box to remove it from my feed, but it keeps popping up with many many people expressing love for the two people in the photo. Here's the kicker **trigger**: one of them ran away overseas to 'sow his oats' after I fell pregnant with his child. In utter grief I had a miscarriage. The other person found out this happened quite a while later, was utterly disgusted, showed me great care, and became my boyfriend, but he raped me repeatedly throughout the relationship.

The photo is of them two, holidaying in Amsterdam together, flashing the biggest grins while sharing a couple of beers.

I have blocked all contact with both these men, but sometimes things slip through.

As usual, some of my family members and 'friends' who know this has happened are among the people showering these guys with love.

This has happened before in smaller doses, but the utter absurdity of this has left me largely unmoved. This is surreal.

Separately, I have suffered immense grief from these things, and repeated ef's sinse for over six years. I'm not feeling good, but its strange to not feel the usual unbearable trauma.

That's all I can say right now.

Thank you Kizzie for setting up this section of the board.

I didn't of this at all, but am looking forward to the discussions to be had here

I have been finding with my recovery that when I make a positive step forward, an old habit or attitude comes back as opposed to a new skill being learned.

In the context of the recent bullying I have been ecperiencing,
I do get a annoyed and frustrated when I am told things that I already know, or am spoken down to like I have no concept of social relations too; ie I cannot control what other people think or do (umm... duh), I'm seeing things that aren't happening (observing odd behaviour from people and being confused/distressed by it is not seeing things that aren't happening)

Having my past, long, respected, successful people management/oriented career completely discounted as experience for behavioural observation and knowledge is also tremendously upsetting.

How have you guys fared?

I wanted to ask if anybody else has experienced this.

I have just experienced extremely covert bullying at my workplace. It started with the bully triggering me with abuse before the bullying, then playing victim, and now a whole bunch of people are actively excluding me from things, and they are also scared of me. In a nutshell.

The change in behaviour has been quite obvious. I do not form definite conclusions from what's happening, because I don't know. I do observe behaviours, and they have been odd to say the least. Outside of this setting, behaviour with others is normal.

This is the annoying part. Because I have c-ptsd, I have been told that because of my traumas I am in a hypervigilent state, and therefore automatically jump to the worst possible scenario, and am seeing things as being worse than they are.

Now I don't doubt that as a real risk. But, because of my c-ptsd, those in the know think the bullying is not happening and I am coming to the conclusion of a worst case scenario because of my hypervigilence.

I know this bullying has absolutely happened, based off many, many observations, experiences and other oddities to do only with the people involved. It is frustrating that I am being told by people who have not been there, that I am seeing things that aren't happening.

Any similar experiences?

Hi all!

Thought i'd start a new thread. Just recently went through a character assassination, and am now dealing with the aftermath. Have been isolated, excluded and the list of dirty looks from new people grows ever bigger; people I've known for years and people I've never really met before. Reporting this level of bullying has resulted in invalidation and threats of consequences for me due what I am doing to other people. The only thing keeping me afloat is the utter confusion of apparently these people being scared of me and I have no idea what I have done.

The follow on effects have been massive, unlike anything I have experienced before. Some days I can go with it, but it doesn't take too long before I get stuck in my own head going over and over things trying to trying to figure out what I have done that I can make links to. I can make some links, but for the most part I have no idea what is what. If I seek help, things get much much worse, if I don't... things just get a little worse.

I can't count on anyone or do anything, that's accepted now. But today I have spent most of the day crying. I honestly don't know why, just tired of the emotional taxation. Today I broke off a friendship with someone who is juggling tossing up time with me, and the minions of my assassin. Too - how I hate to say this word - triggering for myself, and not good for them either. Can't put them under that pressure any more, and I can't be the friend I want to be for them.

I guess i'm just sound boarding here to get out of my own head. Anybody know where the silver lining is in all of this?

Hello all,

Long story short, assassination of my character is in full swing at my workplace. Crazymaking by ex - my asking how he was doing started with him abusing me, a huge argument, and ended with a psychologist calling me to make an appointment to assess my mental health 

The behaviour of several people has changed toward me. It is avoidant and cautious.

So. I refuse to run away. This is my workplace, my career, my reputation. These are my colleagues, and friends being turned against me. I do not and will not accept this.

I do have a plan to work through this in non confrontational way, and my therapist is on my side with the plan. They have noted that this guy is a possible sociopath.

Right now my reputation is going down hill, and I expect it to continue until people have seen enough of me, and continue to see me, to question what they have heard.

Has anybody else had experience in this area? Any words of wisdom for working through this and coming out the victor?

Just found a tonne of courage. Granted it took a couple of wines, but i'm sobering up and still have it. I've decided that i'm taking my life back.

I own the world, and everything in it. The ground I walk on is mine, so I can walk anywhere. My workplace is mine, so I can go wherever I want, and talk to whomever I please. My friends are mine, so I will talk to all of them.

So. The guy who screwed me over, and shares office space with me... is mine. Our friends, are my friends. Our colleagues, are my colleagues. The after work drinks we both attend are my after work drinks. I'm not backing away any more, because its all mine. And he is just going to have to deal with it.

My friends are going to know me from me, and not through the tales of his character assassination. I was here first after all.

Wish me luck

Was triggered last week and so the last few days my brain has been involved in a battle.

The desperation, impulsiveness, anger of the cptsd - versus - the calm, thought out, planned, gentle, respectful etc non-cptsd.

Non-cpsd did well for a few days but last night it lost the fight. It became clear that cptsd or no cptsd, neither of them were going to win what they were ultimately battling for. Actually, I think they both joined forces in the end to stick it up the opponent in the most confusing and infuriating way to them. Non-cptsd knows this has just made present life even harder.

Hi all,

In a triggered state right now. Was triggered a few days ago, and have been going through the waves. Before the trigger, I felt like I didn't have cPTSD, depression or anxiety. I was on the improve.

Now I was never in a naive state of thinking I was cured. I know that there will be episodes. Relapses. But for those that have been working with cPTSD for a longer time than I have, can I ask if this ever eases in intensity over time? If so what do you think helped?

Does anybody else swear/cuss too much? I'm struggling with it big time. Have been able to catch myself recently while generally settling, or apologise for any slips immediately. But was triggered the other day and now f-bombs are coming out left right and centre. Not liking this but I do not know if I am losing control, or at this stage voluntarily relinquishing it to just aid the release of frustration. Almost certain its the latter. Either way, I don't like it.

Thinking of starting a swear jar to donate to a charitable organisation, or even just starting a art project - have a sketch book full of artistic swear words. You know those signs people sometimes decorate their places with (love... family... joy... etc). Any other ideas that help?

Hello all. For me, and I assume many us here, the ability to trust people is strained. Sometimes it is warranted but times we need to work on our selves to let it happen. This is something I need to work on, and really want to. Has anybody else been able to work on this aspect of their relationships to work toward healthier relationships with others?

Hey all, had a setback today and not feeling too good. Any suggestions for short term coping strategies that don't involve a hot bath? Thank you

This may seem like a strange question, but one of my biggest triggers over the last few years... now does nothing.

Music was a massive trigger for me, but for the last couple of weeks i've not only started playing music willingly and incessantly, but have started singing and dancing to it again. So in actual fact, its not doing nothing, its bringing me joy again.

Not that i'm complaining, its a huge leap forward. But I don't understand this. Can anyone shed light on this strange occurance?

Hi Everyone.

Been checking in but overall commenting less as more and more focus is shifting toward work/social interactions as part of recovery.

This may seem like a redundant question given the variety of posts, but wanted to see how others are going as they progress through the different stages of recovery.

I've noticed a general progression toward greater calm and focus toward tasks of academic research, relaxation and creative pursuits which is utterly strange considering the norm has not been that for six years. This is accomanied by music no longer being a trigger - over the past week i've been listening to several albums a day while I potter about at home, and loving it with abandon. Never thought that would ever be again.

So how are you all going overall?

Hey all,

Thank you for your interaction with me over the past several weeks. I've noticed that my anger has reduced quite significantly of late, and it feels so good to have that weight reduced. Its been that devil on my shoulder for a few years now. My mind is clearer, and i'm starting to handle life just that bit better. The most positive thing is that I am now better able to evaluate outward expression of that anger, and identify how justified it is in particular situations. Hopefully I can keep this up!

Discussions with you have helped immensely. Very grateful to have found this forum.
Contessa

Hi All,

I have just read a post by Kizzie (under Prevention, Advocacy and Awareness) regarding the need for medical professionals to be aware of the difference between PTSD and CPTSD when we are admitted to surgery.

It got me thinking of the last time I was in hospital for a day procedure, I did not come out of the unaesthetic well at all, and believe that I had an emotional flashback of sorts (still not sure what it was). That said, I had had a stressful couple of days beforehand, because this had never happened before, and I have not had any procedures since.

Just curious, has anybody else experienced any unpleasantness after or during surgery?

Hi all.

It seems to be the place for venting here so I think I might too. Just a bit worked up right now, and I know what I am going to say is entirely irrational. I'm not upset with myself, but upset that i'm torturing myself.

Went out with some mates last night and had a fantastic time. In the course of the evening, I found out that the absolute douche (I hope this isn't considered swearing... I'm Australian so its almost a term of endearment here), that I was seeing a couple of months ago has broken it off with the girl he started to see essentially while were... well you know... hallmark narcy stuff.

Now I am very conscious about not putting myself down or blaming myself, but why can I not stop thinking about him? Why?? He was an absolute *many, many expletives deleted*. So why am I thinking about him? Why am I even entertaining the idea of contacting him?? Nothing good will come out of anything to do with him, so why am I doing this to myself?

Any thoughts/pearls of wisdom welcome 

Just want to put a question out there and see what others might have experienced.

Over a period of four years in my adult life, I unfortunately suffered through not one but several traumatic experiences which overlapped. Support from friends and family at this time was on the whole non existent. I would not go so far as to say that I had suffered trauma during childhood, though there was plenty of room for a more positive upbringing.

I feel like my entire personality has completely changed from before the events to after. Its like an actor performing a different character from one movie to the next. Does anybody else feel the same?

This article discusses the importance of Complex PTSD as a singular diagnosis. It argues that misdiagnoses and treatment of patients with several different disorders (BPD, DID, etc) that address their individual symptoms can be alleviated with therapy targeted toward just one, being Complex PTSD. A short read.

Taycan, O. and Yildirim, A., 2015. An alternative approach to the effects of multiple traumas: complex post-traumatic stress disorder. NOROPSIKIYATRI ARSIVI-ARCHIVES OF NEUROPSYCHIATRY, 52(3), pp.312-314.
http://noropsikiyatriarsivi.com/sayilar/430/buyuk/18-An.pdf

Hello all,

I am a new member to OOTS and new to forum contribution in general. I have just been diagnosed with cPTSD by my psychologist and am at the beginning of my recovery. I have been researching and reading up on cPTSD and related mental health conditions in an attempt to finally understand what has been happening to me over the last several years.

It has been very helpful and inspirational to read the personal stories of others, and see the support that each person gives one another. Life at the moment feels like it is on hold, so it I look forward to restarting it again with you.

Thank you for having me here