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Messages - Contessa

#31
General Discussion / Re: Christmas confusion
January 07, 2019, 12:03:45 PM
Thank you Finally Free and Libby for your kind words.

Feeling much more normal now the new year has started. How is everyone else going now that it is all over?

#32
Family / Re: Family rejection as the scapegoat
January 06, 2019, 10:39:59 PM
Seconded SJ. Well said.

Returning to one of Blueberry's rhetorics of  'Am I allowed some peace too?' I had to lose five brothers and sisters and all the attached friends and family with them to get some semblance of it.

There is no peace either way. It was a choice to keep myself alive.
#33
General Discussion / Re: Christmas confusion
December 28, 2018, 12:34:02 AM
Another one here too. Every year.
#34
General Discussion / Re: Adult onset cptsd
December 18, 2018, 09:46:42 PM
I've been thinking the same thing of late Rainagain, but i've also come to the realisation that my childhood was in actual fact quite thwart with dysfuntional dynamics.

My resilience has always been tested, but I was always able to come out on top. But I was not living a life.

So my family always gave the rubix a twist or two, and I spent my time righting it. Forget getting out there and dealing with the pressures of life, because that would twist further and make repair harder.

I then decided to assert myself, cube got messed up, and with the momentum of those spins, my family just gave them a few more taps.

It's funny, my older brother was always the black sheep of the family. His cube was given the bigger spins, then mine took off.

Good analogy.
#35
Employment / Re: It came to me in a flash
December 18, 2018, 09:28:06 PM
Ah yes! Go for it  :cheer:

That's exciting. Be your own boss, and enjoy building something wonderful
#36
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: Remembering people
December 18, 2018, 09:21:58 PM
I find remembering names difficult at the best of times. It does take a few meetings and conversations for names to stick.

Prior to trauma my 'memory like an elephant' used to regularly be commented on as I could clearly recall details of settings and conversations from months to years prior.

But like wattlebird mentioned, I believe 2) disassociation became a massive thing. I have years of blank memories. I can't recall specific people or events. I once had a big conversation with someone I thought I was meeting for the first time, when they asked me how I went with doing something from a previous meeting... turns out I'd met them a few times already  :blink:

Not fun
#37
Family / Re: Family rejection as the scapegoat
December 15, 2018, 01:13:58 PM
Quote from: Blueberry on December 15, 2018, 12:05:30 PM
Same in my FOO I'm expected to "stick to the rules and stay 'in my place' " Bit by bit I'm stopping that. It has taken me an enormous amount of energy and courage so far but it's working for me. Of course, I'm losing FOO, but I'm gaining myself.

So true
#38
Family / Re: Family rejection as the scapegoat
December 15, 2018, 02:12:35 AM
Blues...

QuoteHe also said months ago how our mother would hate to see the family split up the way it is (she died when we were young), however apparently that only applies if I stick to the rules and stay 'in my place' as opposed to our father learning to take responsibility and be a compassionate human being? 

Feeling it. Won't go into detail how, it will involve a few trigger warnings. But I've certainly had this constraint applied as well. It's so abusive in itself, it compounds the damage that we've already been through; soul destroying to comply.

Our whole life is a catch 22; we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. Our decisions come down to what we hope will do us the least damage.

Got to go, feeling the christmas down big time today.
#39
Family / Re: Family rejection as the scapegoat
December 13, 2018, 08:05:44 PM
Apologies Blues, here with you experiencing a lack of trust and safety with siblings. Our siblings should be our biggest supporters, not our most offensive opponents.
Sending a hug your way with all the others  :hug:
#40
Family / Re: Family rejection as the scapegoat
December 13, 2018, 05:06:23 AM
Sounds like my family finallyfree. Glad i'm away from them and glad you are too xO
#41
General Discussion / Re: Has anyone changed their name?
November 27, 2018, 07:29:05 PM
One of my best friends changed theirs, and as the others have said, it was a huge step in the right direction for them :)
#42
Employment / Re: Decision
November 14, 2018, 11:46:07 PM
Ah BB! I might be behind the times on this one, but now I understand what particular work you have been writing about. Translating seems like a mentally intense job, and I can understand taking a break from accepting work in that area.

Glad you're keeping a foot in with criminal records. I'm sure that by limiting the work and building back up with small comfortable steps, you'll in actual fact be translating children's books before you know it. Much faster than if you accepted and pushed ahead with a challenge. I think you're doing great! Keep at it x
#43
Quote from: Rainagain on November 07, 2018, 04:26:16 PM
The first is to recognise a dangerous situation, sometimes where there isn't one, we have become highly reactive.

The second is to try to recreate the same danger we were harmed by in order to (hopefully) get a better outcome and thus gain control over the original tragedy.

Brilliant lighbulb moment! Obviously a discussion for another thread, but Rainagain... I hadn't thought of it in those specific separate ways before. Well put.
#44
Emotional Abuse / Re: It never ends
November 01, 2018, 10:28:18 AM
Radical,
What a terrible way to behave, I hope Karma bites them hard.

I know something these people don't; and that is you have strength, integrity, and a sense of fairness in justice. I know you went through this nastiness two years ago, but while you were fighting your battle you still had the energy to grab me and pull me up when I was fighting mine.

You saved me then. You helped me front up day after day so I could still do what I needed to do while I was being maliciously stabbed from all directions.

I never gained back my full credibility, but I was then able to leave that toxic environment on my terms, and start afresh. That was because of you. Those people who treated me so badly are gone, replaced with much better people.

I have confidence that the change will be a good new beginning. You're moving on and up. They will still be dwelling in filth.

I survived... because of you. I am stronger... because of you. I have now moved on and up... and I still put that down to you. I know you will build a new, good, better life in this new place, because you were strong enough to carry me too.

I cannot wait for these doors to open. Hang in there, use whatever strength you can muster. Next year will soon be here :)
#45
Concur with RA again. My absolute dream job too, had hit dream jackpot and loved it.

But the persecutor does not stop. Addressing things, even early, makes their persecution stronger and more underhanded.

Heck, mine really started when I received a top accolate in my field; bullying and maipulation kicked right off from there.