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Messages - Contessa

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Family of Origin (FOO) / Re: Family rejection as the scapegoat
« on: December 15, 2018, 01:13:58 PM »
Same in my FOO I'm expected to "stick to the rules and stay 'in my place' " Bit by bit I'm stopping that. It has taken me an enormous amount of energy and courage so far but it's working for me. Of course, I'm losing FOO, but I'm gaining myself.

So true

Christmas & New Years / Christmas Confidence Downer
« on: December 15, 2018, 02:24:21 AM »
Having a crisis of confidence today. I don't get invited to any parties at Christmas. It's been the general trend for the last 18 years.

I've got a 'half invite' to one in a few hours. Don't want to go into it, just want to hide in a hole.

Family of Origin (FOO) / Re: Family rejection as the scapegoat
« on: December 15, 2018, 02:12:35 AM »

He also said months ago how our mother would hate to see the family split up the way it is (she died when we were young), however apparently that only applies if I stick to the rules and stay 'in my place' as opposed to our father learning to take responsibility and be a compassionate human being? 

Feeling it. Won't go into detail how, it will involve a few trigger warnings. But I've certainly had this constraint applied as well. It's so abusive in itself, it compounds the damage that we've already been through; soul destroying to comply.

Our whole life is a catch 22; we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. Our decisions come down to what we hope will do us the least damage.

Got to go, feeling the christmas down big time today.

Family of Origin (FOO) / Re: Family rejection as the scapegoat
« on: December 13, 2018, 08:05:44 PM »
Apologies Blues, here with you experiencing a lack of trust and safety with siblings. Our siblings should be our biggest supporters, not our most offensive opponents.
Sending a hug your way with all the others  :hug:

Family of Origin (FOO) / Re: Family rejection as the scapegoat
« on: December 13, 2018, 05:06:23 AM »
Sounds like my family finallyfree. Glad i'm away from them and glad you are too xO

General Discussion / Re: Has anyone changed their name?
« on: November 27, 2018, 07:29:05 PM »
One of my best friends changed theirs, and as the others have said, it was a huge step in the right direction for them :)

Workplace Bullying/Harassment/Abuse / Re: Return to Pre-trauma Industry
« on: November 21, 2018, 12:07:36 AM »
Thanks RA and BB.

I guess I have been able to totally immerse myself into a world that is completely separate to the other. The other world I feel completely unwelcome in. This one has no bullies and no family in it. Thinking about that side does upset me, but I have a whole new world that does not.

I hope other people can be here too :)

Workplace Bullying/Harassment/Abuse / Re: Settlement agreement uk
« on: November 20, 2018, 11:54:15 PM »
So sorry that you have to be dragged through this again and again RA.

I can identify with the life, personality and IQ aspect. All of your precious energy is being used to fight these guys and not look after yourself.

I don't know what else to say, but just wish this would end so you can move forward.

Workplace Bullying/Harassment/Abuse / Re: Return to Pre-trauma Industry
« on: November 15, 2018, 09:51:22 AM »
Thabks Boy 22 and Three Roses. I do hope this way forward can be maintained in the long term.

And if this is proof, then it must be repeatable. My hope is that everyone can achieve this.

Workplace Bullying/Harassment/Abuse / Return to Pre-trauma Industry
« on: November 15, 2018, 12:36:49 AM »
The beginning of my life with serious trauma coincided with the change of my professional industry. Looking back, just about all people involved with the trauma (family, friends, colleagues...) are connected with that industry in some shape or form, small and large.

This year I returned to work in the industry that I was employed in before the traumas. Not just the industry, but the same old workplaces and colleagues as well as new. Over the last several weeks, one colleague has mentioned several times that I am always cool, calm and in control whenever crisis hits. She pointed out that on the surface I do not flinch, so I thought about it and realised that there is no flinching below the surface either. Then I thought, "Hang on!? I'm the one with cptsd!" (nobody knows I have it there, it is not in any way necessary to disclose... yet)

Completely the opposite to the last six years. It's like I took a knife, and sliced everything and everyone to do with that time out. I feel no stress in what really is quite a stressful industry, and I do not think about anything or anyone in the other.

That's a weird observation I noticed in the last week. Does anybody relate? Or have any thoughts about this? I'm still just dumbfounded at how pervasively toxic the other industry was/is, and how 'normal' it must seem to those in it.

Employment / Re: Decision
« on: November 14, 2018, 11:46:07 PM »
Ah BB! I might be behind the times on this one, but now I understand what particular work you have been writing about. Translating seems like a mentally intense job, and I can understand taking a break from accepting work in that area.

Glad you're keeping a foot in with criminal records. I'm sure that by limiting the work and building back up with small comfortable steps, you'll in actual fact be translating children's books before you know it. Much faster than if you accepted and pushed ahead with a challenge. I think you're doing great! Keep at it x

The first is to recognise a dangerous situation, sometimes where there isn't one, we have become highly reactive.

The second is to try to recreate the same danger we were harmed by in order to (hopefully) get a better outcome and thus gain control over the original tragedy.

Brilliant lighbulb moment! Obviously a discussion for another thread, but Rainagain... I hadn't thought of it in those specific separate ways before. Well put.

Emotional/Physical/Sexual Abuse/Harassment/Violence / Re: It never ends
« on: November 01, 2018, 10:28:18 AM »
What a terrible way to behave, I hope Karma bites them hard.

I know something these people don't; and that is you have strength, integrity, and a sense of fairness in justice. I know you went through this nastiness two years ago, but while you were fighting your battle you still had the energy to grab me and pull me up when I was fighting mine.

You saved me then. You helped me front up day after day so I could still do what I needed to do while I was being maliciously stabbed from all directions.

I never gained back my full credibility, but I was then able to leave that toxic environment on my terms, and start afresh. That was because of you. Those people who treated me so badly are gone, replaced with much better people.

I have confidence that the change will be a good new beginning. You're moving on and up. They will still be dwelling in filth.

I survived... because of you. I am stronger... because of you. I have now moved on and up... and I still put that down to you. I know you will build a new, good, better life in this new place, because you were strong enough to carry me too.

I cannot wait for these doors to open. Hang in there, use whatever strength you can muster. Next year will soon be here :)

Workplace Bullying/Harassment/Abuse / Re: Going to Leave
« on: October 28, 2018, 01:28:34 AM »
Wow Phoebe's. Sending you big hugs  :hug:

I've been through similar and it is horrible. I don't know if I have any wise words to add besides that which has been imparted already. This post was a reminder of the humiliation of targeted bullying, and how standing up for myself only seemed to fuel the fire. There was nothing I could do.

The following is not an option for most I know, but I think a good affirmation for anyones worth and personal abilities. I had the benefit of immediately returning to an industry with colleagues new and old with open arms, unwavering appreciation, and skyrocketing reputation. The polar opposite.

It's a good comment on the moral corruption, toxic environment and professionally stunted construct of such a workplace. They will destroy you no matter what you do. A positive environment will do the exact opposite.

Good luck with what you decide Phoebes. I hope something in the above helps. You have so much more to offer than what you're being allowed to now.

Concur with RA again. My absolute dream job too, had hit dream jackpot and loved it.

But the persecutor does not stop. Addressing things, even early, makes their persecution stronger and more underhanded.

Heck, mine really started when I received a top accolate in my field; bullying and maipulation kicked right off from there.

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