I'm working with my therapist on some severe anxiety issues that I had as a child. It was part of my trauma and given the unhealthy homestead, was never a topic of discussion except for shameful and embarrassing ones.
My sister is 10 years older and I am tempted to email her for some insight as to what she observed. My parents have died so she's my only historic info source, but due to 1400 miles between us and some recent disagreements, we aren't so close any more. This is tough because no one has ever talked to me about it and it feels like I'm breaking the dysfunctional code by bringing it up. Also, she can get preachy and judgmental which also scares me. Follow up questions from her when I do share feel gossipy versus compassionate. I'm not sure I'll get support but rather more negativity so I was thinking of prefacing it with the fact that I'm in therapy, not looking for advice, just observations. (Eek! Vulnerability! ) When mentioned previously that I was going back to therapy I got a "been there done that" response but she has much more unresolved crap to deal with (she can truly fall into "woe was me and I had it worse than anyone" mode when we talk childhood) so I hesitate to tell her but I think she could learn a lot about PTSD and how it has impacted her. While we did grow up with the same parents, things had degraded quite a bit by the time I came along. She does carry a lot of the same goo.
She wants to be closer but her attitude keeps me at bay. Pouring all of this out could give her more insight to me - or totally piss me off!! She has no clue of the things that happened to me because she was gone by the time I was 8.
My primary goal is to get to the anxiety issues and what was going on in the adult side of the house. Ultimately the answer is that my parents never did anything because my problems were caused by them and they wouldn't want to admit that. I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for. It could simply be to bring the topic into the open and quit tiptoeing around the topic. But is there anything to gain 45 years later? It's my issue not hers and she probably never thinks about it.
I would appreciate thoughts on what folks believe is the best approach here - raise it or let it lie. Thank you!
My sister is 10 years older and I am tempted to email her for some insight as to what she observed. My parents have died so she's my only historic info source, but due to 1400 miles between us and some recent disagreements, we aren't so close any more. This is tough because no one has ever talked to me about it and it feels like I'm breaking the dysfunctional code by bringing it up. Also, she can get preachy and judgmental which also scares me. Follow up questions from her when I do share feel gossipy versus compassionate. I'm not sure I'll get support but rather more negativity so I was thinking of prefacing it with the fact that I'm in therapy, not looking for advice, just observations. (Eek! Vulnerability! ) When mentioned previously that I was going back to therapy I got a "been there done that" response but she has much more unresolved crap to deal with (she can truly fall into "woe was me and I had it worse than anyone" mode when we talk childhood) so I hesitate to tell her but I think she could learn a lot about PTSD and how it has impacted her. While we did grow up with the same parents, things had degraded quite a bit by the time I came along. She does carry a lot of the same goo.
She wants to be closer but her attitude keeps me at bay. Pouring all of this out could give her more insight to me - or totally piss me off!! She has no clue of the things that happened to me because she was gone by the time I was 8.
My primary goal is to get to the anxiety issues and what was going on in the adult side of the house. Ultimately the answer is that my parents never did anything because my problems were caused by them and they wouldn't want to admit that. I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for. It could simply be to bring the topic into the open and quit tiptoeing around the topic. But is there anything to gain 45 years later? It's my issue not hers and she probably never thinks about it.
I would appreciate thoughts on what folks believe is the best approach here - raise it or let it lie. Thank you!