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One of my biggest hurdles in healing is dissociation. I numb out when it comes to feeling anything past mad, sad or glad. I believe that I cannot progress until I learn how to deal with this. Found an interesting website if anyone else is interested in learning a bit more about it.

http://www.isst-d.org/default.asp?contentID=1

Hi, Rain.
I read the reviews on Amazon about this book and one of the complaints is the fact that it is explanatory but does not offer any solutions or steps toward healing or resolution, etc. What are your thoughts on this? How did you find it in "helping" vs "informing"?

Trying to create drama..because we are used to it and it's.normal to us.

I have my own personal inner turmoil where I want to practice more compassion toward others while deep inside I think most people are a holes. I catch myself being critical vs accepting way too often. I know part of it is a defense mechanism and part is learned behavior from a hypercritical mother. Sometimes I hear things spew from me as I point the flaws of others to my spouse and I cringe. That is what I see as the outer critic. A NY resolution. - send that creature packing. I silenced my inner critic years ago. Now I turn it outward. I think Walker states this as a possible progression. Outer takes over as inner remisses.

Funny,  I do this a lot with new people. Most folks are flattered by the attention and love to talk about themselves. When someone reciprocates I know Ive found a gem.

In a dysfunctional family, there is a balance. Not an equitable or healthy balance, so when one person moves in a different direction than expected, everyone else is thrown in a different direction, too. This causes serious panty waddage. Seriously, change will cause a stir. It's new, it's different, and most people have a hard time with change. And that is their problem. YOU have stepped outside, broken the pattern and done something different, and that's what matters here - you are taking care of you. Congrats for sticking up for yourself. That's huge.

Nice!
"How can I look at this differently?"
Boy, what a powerful question and game changer. I may tattoo this on my forehead.

I really like the image with the deer - a delicate, sensitive creature poised in a portal. Where did it come from and where is it going?

There is so much material here, and I am learning a lot, enjoy the references to videos, books, articles, different therapeutic approaches, etc.

I did go to a PTSD forum a while back but their moderators pick at grammar, spelling, thread titles, use of acronyms, etc., and it became a stressor to hope that the post was correctly written vs focusing on the actual content - not a good approach for people who are already sensitive to criticism! This is a breath of fresh air in that way.

I've jumped over my fear this week by participating in several holiday events and enjoying several conversations with strangers. No one bit me! No one criticized me!

Anger. Yes. I read the Book of Walker and relate to the Outer Critic. If I can find fault with everyone, then I have good reason to not let them get close.

You asked about change. I have been thinking a lot about this recently; the chasm between awareness and change and how to forge it. I think if I could build in something as simple as a two heartbeat pause between angering and reacting, I could make wiser choices on how I handle this. It's tough. But awareness IS the first step. I have been told that the more aware we become, then we start tracking. When we start tracking, we can recognize, pause, and change.

Best of luck to you. It's been a long road and I'm looking for that turn, too.