About three weeks ago I realized that my entire childhood/family of origin experience included domestic violence. And that a child witnessing domestic violence experiencing nearly the same psychological/physical response as if the violence were happening to the child. And the domestic violence still happening for my mother, many many years... It's mostly emotional and verbal, but my father will grab at hands, slap, throw stuff. It's not the traditional media portrayal with choking or punching. It's the classic pattern with periods of "calm" and "love" and "kindness." And I was recently made aware of bizarre physical abuse by my father towards me, like pouring dinner on my head when he was angry. I had honestly blocked that one out. I am coming to terms w/the fact that I had denied and repressed this reality. At first as a child to stay safe, and then simply continued the denial on into adulthood like many trauma survivors.
I've contacted dv hotline, worked through emotional/verbal abuse and neglect both by my parents and my first husband. But this feels new. Different.
Thankfully I have better support now: therapy, insurance, secure work, my brother, my husband and a few friends in real life.
I would appreciate any validation, empathy, similar experiences, ideas or other input from this group.
Thank you,
C.
I've contacted dv hotline, worked through emotional/verbal abuse and neglect both by my parents and my first husband. But this feels new. Different.
Thankfully I have better support now: therapy, insurance, secure work, my brother, my husband and a few friends in real life.
I would appreciate any validation, empathy, similar experiences, ideas or other input from this group.
Thank you,
C.