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I'm back, and in misery here, nothing has changed with her, not one Tiddle, she still is either absent or lying about barking orders, but when a friend says jump she takes off, she's cutting again, and attitude starting changing when a guy she was sleeping with last summer started messaging her again. I don't want to be here, and I no longer want be with her, I'm here for my children, as atrocious as the situation may be.The police dropped my daughters case, she wouldn't talk to them. CPS claims she was coached, my her mother doubt's her, my poor little girl. Well I don't know what to do, but I can't leave my kids ever again. One more thing, my son was proved to be telling the truth about last winter yesterday, my girls were playing yesterday in his room of all places, and they pulled a tequila bottle OUT OF HIS CLOSET, with her name, her sisters name and bro in laws name (my daughters molester) written on it! This after she swears to my face our son was lying on her! I now know why my daughter screamed for her mother who was right beside her to stop the abuse but wouldn't wake up...she was past out drunk. I have a job offer in my home state but I'm NOT ALLOWED to accept it because she doesn't want to go back there now. As I've said before keep me in your thoughts please, will talk later

Thank you to everyone for your input and advise, and I will absolutely keep everyone posted. How is she not in jail? Easy she pins it on everyone else, and the authorities are stupid in this state.

I'm so lost, my ex is wanting me to marry her....she even set the wedding for January, and it is now as per her "orders" I cant get on my sons bc until I marry her. Ive had my children for the summer, my daughter (6 yrs old) confided in me that her uncle (exes in blw) has been molesting her. I'm in her home state for while for the investigation and for my children. How many more ways can my ex show her irresponsibility? My son confided that she has continued to drink, and she has admitted drug use, with the children present. She actually has to ask why I show so much animosity toward her. On a good note I have my own car now, one step up.

Well its been a while since ive been here, im trying to get a handle on this new format. I still havent gotten a home for my kids, and so much has happened since the last time i was here. My ex, as I knew would happen has gone back to her old ways, completely denying any wrong doing. I had a new girlfriend for about a month, all in all she ended up being worse then my ex. I lost my job acouple days ago. I will post more later.

Ok the songs not called Major Tom its called Space Oddity...in the 30 yrs ive known the song ive never heard it called that * shrugs

Something else I remember about David Bowie, when I was like 6 or 7 he hosted a showing of the animated film "The Snowman", during intermission he spoke of how he adored the theme song "Walking In The Air"  he then sang his own version of it, it was awesome. I had heard of him before that, but that really made me a fan. He truly was a master.

Major Tom!! And his famous duet with Bing Crosby of Little Drummer Boy.

I found a song the other day i hadnt heard in years,  but the words hit home.

Look What You've Done
By Jet

Take my photo off the wall, if it just wont sing for you
Cause all thats left is gone away, and theres nothing left for you to prove.

Oh look what youve done, youve made a fool of everyone.
Oh seems like such fun until youve lost what you had won.

Give me back my point of view, cause i just cant think for you.
I can hardly hear you say "oh what shall i do", well you choose.

Oh look what youve done youve made a fool of everyone, oh seems like such fununtil youve lost what you have won

Take my photo off the wall, if it just wont sing for you.
Cause all thats left is gone away, and theres nothing left for you to do

Oh look what youve done youve made a fool of everyone.
Oh seems like such fun until youve lost what you have won

Been talkin to my ex the past couple days....she admitted and its obvious she is off her meds....im having a normal convo with her, teasing her about her pessimism, she pops off that shell talk later that shes not arguing with me....fast forward to today, something happened down there, she wouldnt say what, i said i would appreciate an answer, she said she would talk to me when i could stop treating her like a slave..."huh?" 😨 later she told me she didnt like the "new" me that i had become a jerk, that she missed the old me. I responded that the old me was still there, she asked where, i said inside, she said i guess hes lost, i said no....protected....that i let him out occasionally, but not for long, dont want the lil guy gettin hurt....she got pissed said ahe refused to talk to me cause i couldnt be serious😑 ive never been more serious in my life.

Nice☺

Heres a poem well a poetic song if you will.
Its call "Excess Baggage" its by Staind and it was a "secret" song on their album Dysfunction.

"Well I know the words, but I cant really speak them
To you

And I hide all the pain, Ive gained with my wisdom
From you

And Im eaten alive by what I hold inside
All the things that I live with I cant easily hide
And Im left here with nothing, nothing to live for
But you


Its not easy to hide
All this damage inside
Ill carry you with me
Until im not alive

When you look at my face, does it seem just as ugly?
To you

I cant seem to erase all the scars i have lived with
From you

Im so sick of this place
This taste in my mouth
Cause of you I cant figure what Im all about
And Im left here with nothing nothing to live for
But you

Its not easy to hide
All this damage inside
Ill carry you with me
Until im not alive

 This is the strongest financially ive ever beenbut my credit still sucks, and because my exes mother illegally filed my children on her income tax for 3 yrs and my ex kept me from filing one year i owe the government $4000. Plus a ffew other things like a shitload..sorry...of back utility bills c/o my ex. She has screwed sooo many people with her scheme, i feel awful i went along for so long. Setup a utility in somebody elses name run it up, let it get shut off, turn it on in another name.

Well its 100% official, no going back. Ive cut ties with my ex, i finally let go of all the baggage ive been carrying around wanting to say to her. Of course her reply was, "why does any of that matter? Totally exasperating when  everything you say does  a total flyby. Why does it hurt  so bad to lose her?

I have a song that I have bonded to...by Halestorm

Drink the wine, my darling you said, Take your time, consume all of it. But the roses, are to drain my inspiration. The promises were spoiled before they left your lips and...
I breathe you in, again, just to feel you, underneath my skin, holding on to, the sweet escape, is always laced with a familiar taste, of poison.
I tell myself, your no good for me. I wish you well, but desire never leaves. I could fight this till the end, but maybe i dont want to win....
I breathe you in again, just to feel you, underneath my skin, holding on to, the sweet escape, is always laced with a familiar taste of poison.
I dont wanna wake up, i dont wanna be sober i want you on my mind, in my dreams, behind these eyes,and i wont wake up, no not this time...
I breathe you in, again, just to feel you, underneath my skin, holding on to, the sweet escape, is always laced with a familiar taste, of poison
A familiar taste, of poison.

I found em now just to keep her away long enough to pull myself up and get the damn things tied. But I swear, every damn time I start gettin comfy, feelin strong and secure, that maybe I can be happy, my own damn family wants to destroy it, they ran to an older cousin, told him a bunch of bs and half trues right, so the next day just before Im to leave for work he comes in and starts berating me about everything under the sun, including my personal hygiene, i was like "whoa...what!?" I got up and walked out, Im a very private person and it disturbed me deeply for him to discuss that. My mother told him i never shower ahem i shower when everyone is asleep. Im not stupid. He thought it was acceptable to throw something at me that happened 4 yrs ago. And find he made me sign a contract that if i dont "straighten up" i would be asked to leave. When i walked out he said i had the attitude that everybody owed me everything. Ive given everything ive ever owned the past 10 yrs, losing it all on a r/s that ultimately wasnt worth it, so it kills me to have my own family say im selfish, or i dont care about anybody but myself when i get something as innocent as a jacket, or do something i enjoy. I was recieving SNAP benifits before I started working, so I have fed myself basically since I came back.. I tend to my own needs. My cousin ordered me to pay rent...to my sisters, because they gave me a cot in the office (which was my bedroom for most my life, they took all my stuff out and i basically ceased to exist the day after i left. Sorry im rambling lol, just got so much i wanna... no need to say, and no one really to say it too. *sighs off to bed I guess.

Im sitting here, wishing for anything that I could sleep, im lonely, so very lonely, oh new girl and I are still talking, but right now thats about it. I keep think bout my ex, and * I was just as lonely when she was around, in the same house. Theres a song that ive played over and over, its called "Changes" by believe it or not Black Sabbath..

Im feelin down
I feel so sad,
I've lost the best friend
I ever had

She was my woman
I loved her so
But its to late now
I let her go

Im goin through changes
Im goin through changes

We shared the years
We shared each day
In love together
We found our way

But now the world
Had its wicked way
My heart was blinded
Love slipped away

Im goin through changes
Im goin through changes

It took me so long
To realize
That I can still hear
Her last goodbye

Now my days
Are feel with tears
Wish I could go back
And change these years

Im goin through changes
Im goin through changes