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Emotional Abuse / Re: forms of bullying

« on: January 05, 2017, 11:41:02 PM »

So sorry that she is putting you through this.

How close does she get to you, or your property? If it's close enough, maybe you could get a restraining order and call the police when she gets too close. That might make her rethink what she is doing. Or maybe she will just avoid the whole thing.

Good luck!

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NSC - Negative Self-Concept (eg Inner Critic, Shame, Perfectionism) / Re: My inner critic is vicious . . .

« on: January 05, 2017, 11:05:07 PM »

Mine is vicious too. And she sounds just like my mother, who has been dead for a long time.

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NSC - Negative Self-Concept (eg Inner Critic, Shame, Perfectionism) / Re: Inner Critic Blues

« on: January 05, 2017, 11:03:30 PM »

Had a nasty run in with my inner critic last night. I'm having a flare-up because of some recent stuff. I was in a car accident -- no one hurt, bu I couldn't afford to fix my car. I'm 70, and began thinking of all the fender benders I've had in the last six month, the trouble parking and staying in my lane all the time. The truck I ran into that popped off my passenger side mirror. You get the idea -- there are more. My driving has become more and more erratic, and after talking with my therapist, decided now would be a good time to stop driving.

I'm used to going out every day for lunch -- it's only been two days since the car has been gone. It's okay -- I had some good stuff delivered, and am sharing that with my parrot. Still, this will be a big adjustment. Luckily, there are a lot of transportation options for seniors who don't drive. My daughter was happy to hear my decision, because she had been worried about my driving.

Anyway, I was having ups and downs while I was waiting to sell my car -- it was drivable, so I still went out every day, but not far at all.

So last night I went to bed, and woke up at four. My inner critic was in attack mode, and my thoughts got all jumbled. Kept telling myself I needed to get out of bed, but it took a while to act on that. I made myself a cup of tea, and read for a while. It calmed me down, and after an hour or so I went back to bed and fell asleep.

My parents were very critical, and some of the things that they were critical about turned into nasty abuse. They never stopped, either. When my father died, and it was just my mother, I dealt with it by refusing to go anywhere alone with her. She was nice when other people were around.

But I couldn't avoid her completely, and during her last rational conversation with me, before the Alzheimer's took her mind, was all about her talking about my whole life, and all the things that I had done wrong. We were waiting in the doctor's office, so I couldn't leave. I did tell her if she didn't stop I was going to sit on the other side of the room. She didn't stop and I moved. From then on, her caregiver at the board and care took her to doctor's appointments. I went, but kept my distance.

Enough about that. I'm glad that I found a way to calm myself down.

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Emotional Abuse / Re: forms of bullying

« on: December 28, 2016, 02:02:06 AM »

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Does your sister ever come close enough to your house to warrant a restraining order?

Moving sounds like a good idea, although not very convenient.

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Friends / Re: Help please !

« on: December 27, 2016, 02:41:55 AM »

Friends -- what happened to them? i used to have a lot of friends that I trusted. However, being open about CPTSD has made quite a few of them distance themselves from me.

I also learned that a lot of my friends were toxic.

The new friends that I've made are people I can be honest with, and people who don't judge.

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Friends / Re: Breaking the Friendship

« on: December 27, 2016, 02:37:33 AM »

As I've gotten healthier, with the help of my therapist, I've come to realize that a lot of the people I thought were my friends were actually toxic. I have slowly started disengaging them, one at a time. That part feels good.

But I'm 70, and it is hard to make new friends at my age. I think I'm hesitant to trust new people. I'm basically a loner, and I'm okay with that. I get along very well with my daughter, and that is a blessing.

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NSC - Negative Self-Concept (eg Inner Critic, Shame, Perfectionism) / Re: Perfectionism -is this a problem for others with cptsd ?

« on: December 27, 2016, 02:31:16 AM »

I was told that instead of being perfect, my goal should be average. I have my own version of what is average for me. Believing that helped me very much.

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NSC - Negative Self-Concept (eg Inner Critic, Shame, Perfectionism) / Re: My Inner Critic Hates That I'm Gay

« on: December 27, 2016, 02:23:03 AM »

You are entitled to live your own life the way that you want to. You need to have a talk with your inner critic, and let her know that what she thinks is not acceptable, and that every time she mentions that, you can tell her that she is lying.

We don't care about your sexual orientation here, unless it's causing you a problem like this one. Basically, it is none of our business.

Hope you feel better about this soon.

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NSC - Negative Self-Concept (eg Inner Critic, Shame, Perfectionism) / Re: Let's talk about self-esteem

« on: December 27, 2016, 02:14:19 AM »

I belonged to a support group for a few years. The last time I went, the leader went on a vent about low self esteem. According to her, this didn't exist. No one really had it. Her parents had been supportive when she was growing up. Then another person pitched in, and said she didn't believe it existed either.

I was stunned. I sat there, not believing what I'd just heard. But I did hear it. I decided that this group was not for me -- and I haven't been back.

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Successes, Progress? / Re: I'm doing better

« on: October 28, 2016, 06:47:15 PM »

Thanks for all the responses.

I'm definitely using active acceptance. But I am working on the things that I can change. Have actually started dealing with my messy apartment.

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General Discussion / Re: Angering in therapy...help appreciated

« on: October 27, 2016, 06:06:20 AM »

I sometimes don't feel anger right away. I go into a sort of fugue state, and don't think about it. I've been better about my delayed reactions sometimes, but I still do it. It's like I'm afraid to be angry.

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NSC - Negative Self-Concept (eg Inner Critic, Shame, Perfectionism) / Re: How to deal with Outer Critic if there are many critical people

« on: October 21, 2016, 01:28:47 AM »

My mother was my worst outer critic until she died. I knew that she was wrong about a lot of the things she said, but I also think that somewhere inside me, I still felt guilty.

I have learned to avoid critical people. I also avoid people who tell me I should just 'get over it.' So I've lost a lot of friends. But in the process, I am unearthing more of my true self all the time.

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NSC - Negative Self-Concept (eg Inner Critic, Shame, Perfectionism) / Re: Intensity of Inner Critic In Relation To Recovery

« on: October 21, 2016, 01:24:57 AM »

I'm dealing with my inner critic a little differently these days. Before, I told myself that I was a total, hopeless mess because I couldn't do all of the thing I told myself I was supposed to do.

Basically, I've lowered my standards, and started giving me pats on the back for the good things I did. Even if it's something like plugging in the vacuum cleaner, I did it. I also try to take things in part acts -- I can do things a little bit at a time, no matter how little, and still feel good that I did them.

I belong to a self-help group called Recovery, and that has helped me a lot, as well as my therapist. Recovery is free, and there are all kinds of meetings all over the place. Their idea is for people to strengthen their will. Google Recovery for the website if you are interested.

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Successes, Progress? / Re: I Think I Might Be Cured

« on: October 21, 2016, 01:02:08 AM »

Back again. Just had to let you know how I loved your take on forgiveness.

I'm doing better, and accepting the self that I am now instead of fighting it, being impatient, and putting myself down for it. It's helping a lot.

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Successes, Progress? / I'm doing better

« on: October 21, 2016, 12:57:18 AM »

I am now going to therapy only once a month. I had a breakthrough -- I realized that this is what I'm like and I've accepted it, and stopped giving myself a hard time about it -- thinking I should be better. It's such a relief to do this -- it's like a weight has been lifted. So I will still have bad days, have bouts of anxiety, and that's okay. I can get through them. Before I fussed and whined about them, and made myself feel worse.