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Messages - Eyessoblue

#16
Thank you everyone for your lovely messages. I've had a bit of a change since I last messaged. I've done a lot of eft on myself and can honestly say for now that I'm feeling amazing!!! So much so I'm now setting up a weekly support group within the uk so we can get together and get better... I truly believe that the healing is within ourselves we just have to re discover ourselves and once we are found we progress. We need to look deeply within and find our missing links, once we reconnect we start to improve little by little. I'm keeping the faith and optimism high that I will be able to help those who are really struggling, this is giving me the power I need to keep going..
#17
Thank you everyone, just taking it slowly and hoping something will work.
#18
Tee, thank you, sorry to hear you've been through it too.x
#19
Suicide Ideation/Self Harm / Nothing has helped
July 02, 2019, 07:44:36 PM
Hi everyone, I've not been on here for a while because I'm just at a total loss and have given up. I've been in therapy for a few years I've had psychotherapy, Eft, nlp, cbt and emdr. I thought I'd made progress with the emdr and was sorted but no literally everything I have processed has come back. I'm back to all the old traumas, feel like I've taken 50 steps  back in my recovery and am back where I was about 4 years ago. I just don't know what to do now, I'm seeing a private therapist who is lovely and is trying her best to help with a whole range of different therapies but I feel so bad in between. 
#20
Totally understand what you're saying. I'm on my 3rd therapist myself, the first 2 were quite damaging due to their lack of understanding, now I've found one who is totally there and gets everything I say, it's made such a huge difference to my recovery process, I believe I have the qualities to do this but not sure my confidence is a hundred percent there with it yet. Good luck!
#21
Hi, I've been doing therapy training myself for the reasons you mentioned. I've had the most amazing therapist myself who encouraged me to take the therapy route as she said I'd be perfect as I totally get it and can empathise with people in similar situations. She said most therapists she knows have been through some kind of big trauma which they've managed to overcome and therefore want to train as therapists to be able to help them. I believe you have to be in it from a compassionate gain rather then a financial one, but generally believe as does my therapist that nothing we hear will phase us as we've probably lived through or witnessed worse.
#22
Hi, been back for more emdr and feeling like an absolute mess today. The imprint is what happened to me when I was so young that my brain couldn't process it so it stays imprinted in my brain a bit like a photograph of what I saw but couldn't verbalise or process as I was too young to do so. Today I had to get all my memories and push them together and make a photo out of them then I had to imagine I was burning the lot, it was really intense and through my tears I managed to do it but am now left feeling so much worse than I did before I went in, am hoping it will pass. How are you getting on boats?
#23
Hi, I have cptsd and have had emdr it has worked amazingly well for some of my trauma where I just literally sit and cry through the whole thing, feel rubbish for a few days and then really good. But for some of my trauma especially the really early in life ones I don't see or feel anything, my therapist says this is more of an 'imprint' and can't be removed- I'm not actually sure what she means by this and am normally in such a state I don't think to ask!!! But like most things I e heard of people with life changing results and some with nothing at all.
#24
Emotional Abuse / Re: Is anyone free to talk?
March 18, 2019, 12:58:28 PM
Thank you everyone, just walking on eggshells today and looking at the prospect of life on my own.
#25
Emotional Abuse / Re: Is anyone free to talk?
March 18, 2019, 12:20:20 AM
Thank you, just totally in shock by this huge outburst, yet in some ways a good thing because what I thought I now know... dreading tomorrow when I face them again.
#26
Emotional Abuse / Is anyone free to talk?
March 17, 2019, 11:32:12 PM
Trigger warning; ok, sorry for the post, pretty much it's  the end, can't take anymore. Tonight I've collected my sons and husband from football we got into the house they had a huge punch up the 3 of them, me was the one trying to stop it, ended up with them all falling out with me in a big way, my husband has told me exactly what he thinks of me so now just don't know where I'm going.... they've taken their disagreements out on me, tried to be the peacemaker and ended up In an attacking situation with them alll... I'm done, can't do this anymore I try so hard to be a good mum and wife and I've been seriously slated by the lot of them.... alcohol by them is heavily involved but I know I'm a crap wife and mum I can't help what's going on, tried to call the police to help and phone got disconnected. Just feel I need to be off on my own doing my thing now. None of them respect me or care such an eye opener to me... I'm ready to end... why do I put myself through so much *, can't be putting up with feeling this worthless and defeated anymore....  any help greatly received... I'm so worthless and can't fight anymore...
#27
Oh wow thank you all, yes you're all correct. I too believe he's a Narcissist, I have often thought this, and my Therapist had a talk with me a little while ago telling me that's what I was married to. Maybe I've tried not to accept this but it all points to it loud and clear that he is.
I'm feeling really trapped now as today he's carrying on as if nothing has happened and I feel like he's playing mind games with me. Today I've just had to increase my anxiety medication as I'm struggling to make sense of it all. I want to sit down and have some kind of conversation about it but feel too anxious to do so at the moment. Thank you all for your input.
#28
Not sure I'm posting in right place, but anyway, been going through lots of relationship issues and it all came to a head at the weekend when my husband admitted to me he was very jealous of me, my personality, the way I connect with people, my success in life, the relationship with our children etc.... the list goes on. My anxiety is through the roof as I just don't know where to go from here, how can I stay married to someone that is so resentful of me? I caught him telling a lot of lies about me to a friend and when I confronted him he said he can't help it just feels that's what he has to do! I'm at a loss here, completely confused, angry not sure what to say or do next really. This has been going on for about 20 years but he finally admitted it after all this time. Any advice gratefully received.
#29
Medication / Re: Antidepressants
February 06, 2019, 03:11:25 PM
Boats, thank you, hope you're ok?
#30
Therapy / Re: Back in therapy, can’t stop crying.
February 06, 2019, 03:10:29 PM
Oh wow thank you all so much, I needed to hear this and am crying again but tears of 'compassion ' rather then remorse. Just feel like I've woken up, connected and almost accepted that this has happened to 'me' been so dissasosiative I've thought it was me looking at someone else but now the connection has happened and it is 'me' thank you all so much.xx
Libby I've been thinking about you a lot, ive always had a connection with you through the 'emdr' process and I'm sorry about your situation, but I'm with you all the way.
Thank you all so much, you have no idea how much this has helped me.x