Messages

Dee!

I hear you, oopsiedoop.  I usually feel  the same way.

Welcome, Frustrated!

Sorry that your fiance doesn't understand about your C-PTSD. I used to have people say that I was crazy when I was having emotional flashbacks. I know how much that hurts. Is he willing to learn about C-PTSD at all? I hope your new marriage counselor will be helpful. You might find this useful in the meantime: http://pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm.

Glad you are here!

Welcome, lostinspace66! Glad you are here.

The only way that I've ever been able to get a narc to even pretend to hear me has been to make them consider that not hearing me will make them look bad to other people. (My M is a covert narc, so I have lots of experience.)

Perhaps someone would has narc-like tendencies would be able to phrase this to another narc.

I don't think this ever happens.

Sorry to hear that you had to leave church because of a panic attack. It seems like you know that the proper response of someone else to that would be concern for your well-being, rather than worry about what other people think about them.

Hi Maceo,

First of all, there is nothing presumptuous about your posting again. I hope you will feel welcome to post as much as you need to. 

Secondly,

I've found myself relating to many of the symptoms of CPTSD, but not feeling as though I've been "wronged" in such a fashion to justify my response. (I'm sorry if I'm not being clear, but I'm not sure how else to word it.) In short, I feel as if I'm a generation removed from the actual abuse, and the subtle (though very consistent) criticisms I've received, well, I guess I feel like a whiny wimp for being so affected by it.

this kind of self-criticism and doubt about "really" having C-PTSD is super common in people with... [drum roll] C-PTSD. I have been there myself and seen it over and over in others. You are not whiny or weak for having been affected the way you were. Each of us has our own level of tolerance for adversity and individual threshold for overwhelm.

I don't have any research handy about intergenerational trauma, but I do know that it is definitely a very real thing.

Do I even belong on this site?

Something inside lead you here, so I would think the answer to that is yes.

Welcome, QuietChaos!

Glad to hear that you got some helpful validation from your parents. I'm sorry you are struggling, but I'm glad you are here.

Welcome, foolscapfire! Sorry that you are having such a hard time.

I relate to so much of what you wrote. Hope you find this place as helpful as I do.

Welcome, Trillium! 

It sounds like you are on the right track, and I wish you success.

Neutral Milk Hotel fan, or coincidence? Anyway, welcome.

Hi zena and welcome!

I agree with everything Blueberry said. I think it was inappropriate and unprofessional for your psychiatrist to have said to you what she did. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that when you were already struggling.

Welcome, lambchop! 

My feeling is that a therapist shouldn't be giving their opinion on what kind of work you "should" do unless you have asked for that opinion. And it sounds like they are doing a little bit more than just giving you an opinion about it. That seems strange for someone that you are going to for EMDR. (Hope I have understood the situation correctly. It is hard for me to read big blocks of text.)

My answer to the thread title would be as follows: Decent therapy is way better than no therapy, but no therapy is way better than bad therapy.

You might find this list of grounding techniques to be useful: http://did-research.org/treatment/grounding.html.

I recommend this presentation by Bessel van der Kolk:

"Childhood Trauma, Affect Regulation, and Borderline Personality Disorder"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2NTADxDuhA

Bessel van der Kolk, MD, delivers the lecture "Childhood Trauma, Affect Regulation, and Borderline Personality Disorder" as part of the 9th Annual Yale NEA-BPD Conference.

What he doesn't say is as interesting as what he says, in my opinion.

Atticus, sorry to hear that your son is having such a rough time.

For the day-time, some of these grounding techniques might help: http://did-research.org/treatment/grounding.html.

For night time, maybe surround his sleeping area with comforting items if he has any? I have seen people also recommend comforting music. And scent can be powerful, so if there are any scents that he finds comforting and that he associates with safety, it might help to try those. I wish that I had more to offer.