Wow. I think you were absolutely correct in telling him that it's not "pushing people out of your life" to insist that your parenting decisions be respected by others - especially in your own home. It sounds like your H's boss-wife is not only intentionally violating that boundary, but then also trying to make you feel as though you have done something wrong for standing up for yourself. It would be bad enough if it was a one time occurrence, but it's really disturbing that she would do this repeatedly.
It's also disturbing that your H would go along with it and try to flip this into being about some kind of shortcoming on your part. You cannot "look at it from her perspective" unless you are the kind of person who thinks it's acceptable to go to another person's home, intentionally undermine the rules she has set for her children, and then act annoyed and as if there is something wrong with her when she resists this invasion. I don't see how this is about "losing friendship" because friends don't do things like that.
And I think it's awful that your H tried to use your relationship with your therapist to shame you into agreeing with him. That's really twisted. Maybe this is more about the fact that this is about his boss's wife, and he doesn't want to rock the boat, but can't accept responsibility for that concern?
And the situation is even more jarring because you are someone who takes the time and effort to homeschool.
I totally understand why this felt like too much to handle. It's very upsetting to read and I'm sorry it happened.
It's also disturbing that your H would go along with it and try to flip this into being about some kind of shortcoming on your part. You cannot "look at it from her perspective" unless you are the kind of person who thinks it's acceptable to go to another person's home, intentionally undermine the rules she has set for her children, and then act annoyed and as if there is something wrong with her when she resists this invasion. I don't see how this is about "losing friendship" because friends don't do things like that.
And I think it's awful that your H tried to use your relationship with your therapist to shame you into agreeing with him. That's really twisted. Maybe this is more about the fact that this is about his boss's wife, and he doesn't want to rock the boat, but can't accept responsibility for that concern?
And the situation is even more jarring because you are someone who takes the time and effort to homeschool.
I totally understand why this felt like too much to handle. It's very upsetting to read and I'm sorry it happened.