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My father has narcissistic personality disorder (and so does his father) and when I was growing up he was physically violent and emotionally abusive. My mother and I were in psychological terror but my brothers were spared (he liked to hate on women).

I'm almost through my stage where I mourn my lost childhood, and am almost at the beginning of redefinition. But I still have this urge to "want him to see how he's hurt me". I want him to understand what he's done to me. This is particularly difficult with people who have narcissistic personality disorder - they are delusional in nature.

So my question is - I'm quite happy not having my parents in my life. I am ok with never talking to my family again.  Is it ok to do this?  Is it ok to not forgive?

Anyway, quite an experience and recommend it as a great tool for connecting with your IC.

I just did this, only a few exchanges. Brought tears to my eyes. Really good exercise. Thank you for making me do this.

I'm afraid to step into the light. I'm still so enmeshed w my parents' emotional brainwashing that I feel guilty living life in my own terms and living for myself. It's a very uncomfortable process and I try to self-sabotage any chance I get (with the critical voice emerging "see? see? you can't do it without me, you need to be under my control, I knew you would fail")

I've heard good things about Your Life after Trauma - Michele Rosenthal.

Haven't read it though!

Disclaimer: I don't work for the University of Leicester, nor do I have any commercial interest (it's a free app anyways).

I love this app called "Catch It (Making sense of your moods)" developed by the University of Leicester. You record your mood, rate it on a scale of 1 to 5, and then it gives you a time-out session where you can reframe your thoughts. Then it allows you to reflect and re-rate your mood.

I love this app and it respects your privacy so much that you have to punch in a key code everytime you open your log!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/catch-it-making-sense-your/id899606280?mt=8

I'm wondering if anyone could help me collect a few online resources on Narcissistic abuse.
I've found these ones so far which I found very helpful, though not all are evidence-based.

CBC Podcast on growing up with a narcissistic parent:
http://www.cbc.ca/radio/tapestry/a-field-guide-to-the-narcissist-1.2803129

And invidual's blog:
https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2013/12/01/signs-that-youve-been-abused-by-a-narcissist/
https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2014/06/08/how-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse-changes-our-world-views/

Co-Narcissism article (by Alan Rapoport, PhD) read out loud by MentalPodcast:
http://mentalpod.com/Co-Narcissism-by-Dr-Alan-Rappoport-podcast

A website for survivors and victims of NA:
http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/

I would appreciate more! Thank you!

[NOT]

Do you ever find people who do NOT play into the victim-rescuer-perpetrator triangle terribly under-stimulating or boring?

I am having that problem.... everytime I meet someone nice I tend to get uninterested as there is no familiarity.

Some of the great resources I use have been posted before, but I thought these two haven't been mentioned yet.

1.
http://www.calmdownmind.com/

Great thoughts about calming the mind


2.
http://self-love-u.blogspot.ca/

Amazing blog showing insight and ingelligence on her journey through CPTSD recovery.

3.
http://www.insocialwork.org/episode.asp?ep=50

"Justice from the Victim's Experience"
An interview with Judith Herman on her new and upcoming book. So eloquent.

I really enjoy mentalpod.com, the Mental Illness Happy Hour. It's nice to know we are not alone, and to find a way to even laugh a little, among the tears!

I want to echo my support for Mental Illness Happy Hour. It's amazing.

-hormonal
-slightly tired
-a little unbalanced
-calm and quiet
-withdrawn

-finding this forum
-my cat
-my beautiful apartment with streams of light
-a glorious sunny day
-living miles and miles away from my toxic parents

 

Today I realised that I was caught up in the Karpman's triangle of drama as the perpetrator and rescuer role.  Whenever I was doing something "bad" (ie not studying quietly in my room), I was a perpetrator to my dad. He would beat me physically with scars to show.

Whenever I was breaking my head over desperately trying to find the "right thing" to do to appease my narcissistic, wounded father I would be the rescuer. 

What an unfair position to place a little kid in. 

I'm a healthcare worker.
As I was talking to a patient I was triggered and realised I had suffered abuse (physical and emotional) from both my parents all throughout childhood.

I had a long period of denial, though the CPTSD manifested itself in tumultuous romantic relationships.