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Messages - anosognosia

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91
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: Do we have to forgive?
« on: March 14, 2015, 06:31:17 PM »
I was raised by Narents and like you, on some level I still wish I could make them see and understand the hurt they've put me through and the impact it had and has on my life. But alas, we're truly "children of the self absorbed" and there is no way of getting through to them. So the best option is to look ahead and take the best possible care of ourselves and allow ourselves to heal.

[...]

Forgive your f inasmuch as it's neccessary for your own sake - that's all you're responsible for IMO.

Thank you! I will take you up on this suggestion. Makes me feel better to have these opinions. I'm re-reading Susan Forword's Toxic Parents book - and she jumps to how to re-engage with parents either through a letter or confrontation. I just don't know if I will ever get there.  Certainly now is not the best time.  But I was starting to put pressure on myself.

Thanks again everyone.

92
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Do we have to forgive?
« on: March 13, 2015, 12:50:32 PM »
My father has narcissistic personality disorder (and so does his father) and when I was growing up he was physically violent and emotionally abusive. My mother and I were in psychological terror but my brothers were spared (he liked to hate on women).

I'm almost through my stage where I mourn my lost childhood, and am almost at the beginning of redefinition. But I still have this urge to "want him to see how he's hurt me". I want him to understand what he's done to me. This is particularly difficult with people who have narcissistic personality disorder - they are delusional in nature.

So my question is - I'm quite happy not having my parents in my life. I am ok with never talking to my family again.  Is it ok to do this?  Is it ok to not forgive?

93
Inner Child Work / Re: Neat Tool for IC Work
« on: March 12, 2015, 02:22:05 AM »
Anyway, quite an experience and recommend it as a great tool for connecting with your IC.

I just did this, only a few exchanges. Brought tears to my eyes. Really good exercise. Thank you for making me do this.

94
1.   Give yourself permission to get whatever help you need to face this crisis.Reaching out to a therapist, support group and family and friends means that you do not have to be alone anymore.  Your ASCA support network and ASCA meetings can be invaluable at this time

I think I'm always going to have a therapist. For the rest of my life. Not only because I want to keep on top of my post-trauma maintenance, but I also want a generally happier outlook on life. Most people I think should have a therapist, and so I'm committed to living my life as fully as I possibly can, as uncomfortable as it is (having a tendency to self sabotage).

95
The Cafe / Re: Today I realized that...
« on: March 12, 2015, 01:42:59 AM »
I'm afraid to step into the light. I'm still so enmeshed w my parents' emotional brainwashing that I feel guilty living life in my own terms and living for myself. It's a very uncomfortable process and I try to self-sabotage any chance I get (with the critical voice emerging "see? see? you can't do it without me, you need to be under my control, I knew you would fail")

96
Books & Articles / Re: Books
« on: March 10, 2015, 12:33:15 AM »
I've heard good things about Your Life after Trauma - Michele Rosenthal.

Haven't read it though!

97
Therapy / My favourite CBT App
« on: March 08, 2015, 02:44:19 AM »
Disclaimer: I don't work for the University of Leicester, nor do I have any commercial interest (it's a free app anyways).

I love this app called "Catch It (Making sense of your moods)" developed by the University of Leicester. You record your mood, rate it on a scale of 1 to 5, and then it gives you a time-out session where you can reframe your thoughts. Then it allows you to reflect and re-rate your mood.

I love this app and it respects your privacy so much that you have to punch in a key code everytime you open your log!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/catch-it-making-sense-your/id899606280?mt=8

98
Podcasts, Videos & Documentaries / Narcissistic abuse resources
« on: March 07, 2015, 03:40:23 PM »
I'm wondering if anyone could help me collect a few online resources on Narcissistic abuse.
I've found these ones so far which I found very helpful, though not all are evidence-based.

CBC Podcast on growing up with a narcissistic parent:
http://www.cbc.ca/radio/tapestry/a-field-guide-to-the-narcissist-1.2803129

And invidual's blog:
https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2013/12/01/signs-that-youve-been-abused-by-a-narcissist/
https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2014/06/08/how-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse-changes-our-world-views/

Co-Narcissism article (by Alan Rapoport, PhD) read out loud by MentalPodcast:
http://mentalpod.com/Co-Narcissism-by-Dr-Alan-Rappoport-podcast

A website for survivors and victims of NA:
http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/

I would appreciate more! Thank you!



99
Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Re: Choosing Relationships Wisely
« on: February 13, 2015, 12:56:25 AM »
Do you ever find people who do NOT play into the victim-rescuer-perpetrator triangle terribly under-stimulating or boring?

I am having that problem.... everytime I meet someone nice I tend to get uninterested as there is no familiarity.

100
Web Sites, Support Groups & Organizations / Self Love U & Calm Down Mind
« on: February 12, 2015, 09:49:23 PM »
Some of the great resources I use have been posted before, but I thought these two haven't been mentioned yet.

1.
http://www.calmdownmind.com/

Great thoughts about calming the mind


2.
http://self-love-u.blogspot.ca/

Amazing blog showing insight and ingelligence on her journey through CPTSD recovery.

3.
http://www.insocialwork.org/episode.asp?ep=50

"Justice from the Victim's Experience"
An interview with Judith Herman on her new and upcoming book. So eloquent.

101
Podcasts, Videos & Documentaries / Re: Podcasts
« on: February 12, 2015, 09:27:34 PM »
I really enjoy mentalpod.com, the Mental Illness Happy Hour. It's nice to know we are not alone, and to find a way to even laugh a little, among the tears!

I want to echo my support for Mental Illness Happy Hour. It's amazing.
 :applause:

102
The Cafe / Re: Today I feel...
« on: February 12, 2015, 08:46:49 PM »
-hormonal
-slightly tired
-a little unbalanced
-calm and quiet
-withdrawn
 :blink:

103
The Cafe / Re: Today I am grateful for...
« on: February 12, 2015, 08:45:44 PM »
-finding this forum
-my cat
-my beautiful apartment with streams of light
-a glorious sunny day
-living miles and miles away from my toxic parents

104
The Cafe / Re: Today I realized that...
« on: February 12, 2015, 08:44:56 PM »
 :stars:

Today I realised that I was caught up in the Karpman's triangle of drama as the perpetrator and rescuer role.  Whenever I was doing something "bad" (ie not studying quietly in my room), I was a perpetrator to my dad. He would beat me physically with scars to show.

Whenever I was breaking my head over desperately trying to find the "right thing" to do to appease my narcissistic, wounded father I would be the rescuer. 

What an unfair position to place a little kid in. 

105
Introductory Post / Healing healer
« on: February 12, 2015, 08:38:33 PM »
I'm a healthcare worker.
As I was talking to a patient I was triggered and realised I had suffered abuse (physical and emotional) from both my parents all throughout childhood.

I had a long period of denial, though the CPTSD manifested itself in tumultuous romantic relationships.

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