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Messages - JamesG

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General Discussion / Re: Get over it already
« on: October 26, 2017, 08:19:28 AM »
he sounds like a brooder, like my brother. It gets worse over time, not better. But like the others here have said, there's no point engaging with trying to work it out, you'd have more luck juggling clouds

Hi Kat

I kind of know this one. I went through this recently when I finally dug up my mother's blurred line touching. It's tricky, because false memories are an issue we all have to be very wary of.

I'd roll with it for now and keep an open mind, but it needs pursuing because it's lodged halfway in and halfway out at the moment and if you don't pin it down and real or not real, then it will fester like a splinter.

Either way tho, you will feel better for it. Hang in there.

General Discussion / Re: Getting diagnosed in UK
« on: October 25, 2017, 07:46:10 AM »
hi Snook

well, I wanted exactly the same thing and the doc said.. why? You have a trauma, and this is post that... that's your confirmation. Now that may seem flippant but he's right. I wanted a diagnosis to counter the endless gaslighting I'd had pointed at me about how ill I was getting but really... it's what I know that counts. Having said that, he then wrote PTSD on a form for the DSS which I haven't had to use but in a silly way I'm quite proud of it.

You are unlikely to get a diagnosis option I'm afraid. Right now they just don't do it very willingly. But you know, that's the thing. If you've had a trauma, be it large or small, or of any kind really, if it affected you then that's the story. End of. We are all different and what happened is different too. But if you have the classic symptoms then there is the diagnosis that counts. We Know... thats what matters.

Medication / Re: inflamation, ibuprophen and fatigue/deppression
« on: October 24, 2017, 08:16:53 AM »
A bit more here with some counter research... this is very much research in progress and it seems like the effect is best in people with obvious inflammation effects, so back or joint pain as C-PTSD symptoms. I certainly have that.

General Discussion / Re: I'm gonna win this fight
« on: October 24, 2017, 08:07:59 AM »
yeah you will, we all will.

it's your life, defiance is required. Kickass big fella

Medication / inflamation, ibuprophen and fatigue/deppression
« on: October 24, 2017, 08:01:39 AM »
whilst flat out with fatigue the other day I was mulling over solutions and actions I could take. Currently I am working on a book about the brain (I'm the illustrator and designer) and so I've got a little bit better at understanding certain aspects of how it works and, more importantly, does wrong.

I was looking at patterns for my fatigue last week and realised that the days on which the fatigue had lifted were the same days I'd taken anti-inflammatory drugs for my back pain. So, I started wondering if a fair bit of the fatigue comes from the repair of the brain in the post trauma sense. So after taking an ibuprophen, I started researching.


It stands to reason doesn't it? Think of the brain like your back, you do too much gardening and you pull your back out and it becomes inflamed. PTSD is a pulled brain. So.... in the interests of science, I am going to test this. I am going to see the fatigue as a headache and respond with ibuprophen. Dosage will be low, a tablet is typically 200 mg and the advice is a maximum of 2 tablets three times a day. I am going to avoid the max dose and only take in response to fatigue or non-specific anxiety or depression.

I also have naproxen but I'm going to avoid that because there is a known link between it and deppression if taken for any length of time and its tough on the guts.

I am also going to the docs in two weeks to arrange tests to see if there are any underlying causes for the fatigue as it's been severe the last few weeks, that may end up skewing this test and I should really can the alcohol. It comes in cans already, so that may prove pointless! 

Watch this space.

General Discussion / Re: Bit of a mental mess...
« on: October 22, 2017, 07:55:18 PM »
greetings E17, from E17, London... synchronicity there.

I'd say that the deppression, anxiety and the C-PTSD will be all one big blob and treat one you treat all. I have to say that I was incredulous when PTSD was first put forward to me, but there are so many falsehoods spoken about it that I'd ignore all that. Trauma can come from many sources and effect us all differently, the cause is irrelevant in some respects, it's the now that matters and if you have the symptoms then that's just how it is and any judgement on you for that can go hang.

CBT is very good, especially if you back it up with lots of research on the psychology and physiology of trauma, understanding how it works is a huge weight off you. A natural response to unnatural events. Your body is just doing what it needs to recover and what may feel like crazy stuff is actually healing.

Take a seat

General Discussion / Re: you know what you feel
« on: October 21, 2017, 10:54:39 PM »
working on it

General Discussion / you know what you feel
« on: October 21, 2017, 08:41:18 AM »
was up late recording, best bit of my old self I've seen in a while. Woke up and played it back this morning and wrote this to go with it.

You know what you feel

first they tell you how to walk
then they tell you how to kneel
but it doesn’t really stick
cos you know how you feel

they’re selling you ideas
they’re selling what is real
they’re after what you think
they’re after what you feel

gotta leave the cage
gonna have to break the seal
gotta ditch the hymn sheet
cos you know what you feel

you’ve got a good idea
of what is fake and what is real
it’s a question of perception
but you know what you feel

there are no search terms
for your head or for your heart
your mood is not their message
they need us far apart

turn the gaslight down
look deep into the heart
pull the cable from the box
hold me in the dark

when the daylight isn’t real
and the night time is surreal
you are safe in inside the siege
you know what you feel

the phantoms in the feed
cold callers on the line
the products sold with fear
getting updates all the time

feel your senses coming back
feel the damage start to heal
the gaslight doesn’t kill
you still know how you feel

you know how you feel

Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: shifting feelings
« on: October 20, 2017, 06:44:56 PM »
it most certainly is that. I don't mind depression so much, I've had that all my life so it's normal for now, better than trauma. But I am acutely aware of what has been done to me and what I've lost, but what can you say? It's not coming back, because most of it was never there. I'm digging gold from the mud tho, our stories are not all bad, there are always things to find and be pleased about. It's time for a bit of that.

General Discussion / Re: Newbie. All help and tips welcome
« on: October 20, 2017, 10:48:45 AM »
my biggest tips are:

1. learn everything there is on how the mechanics of trauma work (spartan life coach is excellent on youtube).

2.Share in here and see how not alone you are.

3. Don't blame yourself. Everything is a normal reaction to abnormal events.

4. Listen to your body and mind and learn to trust that it is working to help you. When it says rest, rest.

5. Be good to yourself, the majority of C-PTSD is a reaction to repetitive negative stimulus, some of it deliberate, much of it through neglect. The inner critic usually has the voice of others cheering it on. Think about those restrictions and doubts and ask yourself who or what is projecting them at you. Most, if not all, will be meaningless if you the bright light of psychology on them.

6. We are all entitled to happiness and a future. No one NO ONE, is entitled to lean into your life and alter it for the worse. Learning to see how that has been done and how it has affected you right down to your brain chemistry, is a big step to dismantling the cages we end up in.

General Discussion / Re: Need some help
« on: October 19, 2017, 09:20:58 PM »
you want a happy ending. Not gonna happen. He has no intention of going near an epiphany, and he enjoys your desperation in looking for one. We have all been there Achiles..

Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: didn't get up today
« on: October 19, 2017, 07:21:39 PM »
I used to joke that the world's shortest blues song was called "didn't wake up this mornin"

and oddly, this was released today.

maybe you are not hiding from your feelings, you are having a break from them, and thats ok... isn't it? You've had trauma.. you need time to heal and this is how we do it... revive Blueberry, and however you do it is fine...

"there is nothing wrong with being good to yourself"

General Discussion / Re: Need some help
« on: October 19, 2017, 07:16:36 PM »
you are locked in an attempt to change him to be a decent person, and he isn't. give it up.

I went through this with my brother endlessly, the more I tried to find a way through it, the more he battered my confidence. You are feeding this man with your pain. Please don't use what you are learning about narcissists to try and change him,  because it won't. He will invert it on you as he does everything else. Your self esteem is on the line here, if you stay with this you will just be adding years to your therapy and he won't even feel it. Please... drop him and start healing. He is not the solution, there is no solution involving you, he will use you until you have nothing left for anyone better.

Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: shifting feelings
« on: October 19, 2017, 07:11:13 PM »
yes, bone weary is very much it. But it's better than it was, I mean it's sort of not CPTSD anymore. It's like the day after. You feel like you've been crying even if you haven't. It's almost fascinating in an objective sense, you go up the volcano then you descend into the crater, then you do the fire walk then you climb back up to the ring of the crater and then, finally, you descend back to the plains. I've done the firewalk, now I'm heading up to the edge of the rim and I'm taking a last look back at the lava and I'm taking in the pain. The trauma will always be there, but so will the story of the recovery, and that recovery is a big thing, a big bit of life.

I have worked with a lot of veterans of ww2, people who have seen terrible things, TERRIBLE things. People who have been under the threat of death constantly for five solid years and they were all the loveliest most gentle people. There is something in that. Would I really change this history?  No. Would I like to have prevented it... yes. But my humanity is all the bigger for it, and that is at the heart of all things.

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