While reading posts tonight, I was triggered by a word. Not the kind of word you might think, but by "maybe". "Maybe you are" or "Maybe you do" or something like that. It wasn't a response to anything of mine. It took me a while to realise that it's reminding me of M saying "Maybe you should" (do whatever). So now I have an image of her in my head. Another topic for Screen Processing - just what I wanted to do tonight - not. I've just been moving around to music, because that helps process and ground.
It won't be the first time I read "Maybe" on here. Why am I triggered today? Don't know. When I can feel distanced from this Beast called CPTSD, I can even find it faintly fascinating how it is that suddenly I'm triggered where I haven't noticed before. What's the whole situation tonight that's got me triggered? What happened earlier in the day? Is it something to do with the sage of healing I'm at? As in, am I finally halfway ready to feel this as a trigger and also work on it? Is it to do with the post I read before?? But maybe that's just my head getting in the way so I doN't feel.
I've known for a long time that "should" is a problem; now I know better why. So doing some Screen Processing might raise my tolerance for the word "should" and more particularly for the feeling of something being a useful activity that could be good to do... Whereas this feeling tends to make me go on strike internally, is mostly if not always counterproductive.
It won't be the first time I read "Maybe" on here. Why am I triggered today? Don't know. When I can feel distanced from this Beast called CPTSD, I can even find it faintly fascinating how it is that suddenly I'm triggered where I haven't noticed before. What's the whole situation tonight that's got me triggered? What happened earlier in the day? Is it something to do with the sage of healing I'm at? As in, am I finally halfway ready to feel this as a trigger and also work on it? Is it to do with the post I read before?? But maybe that's just my head getting in the way so I doN't feel.
I've known for a long time that "should" is a problem; now I know better why. So doing some Screen Processing might raise my tolerance for the word "should" and more particularly for the feeling of something being a useful activity that could be good to do... Whereas this feeling tends to make me go on strike internally, is mostly if not always counterproductive.