Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Topics - Kizzie

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 34
16
One of the unfortunate aspects of managing this web site and forum is that I often come into contact with trolls and people w/NPD.  I've learned to deal with trolls fairly well although there are times they send my BP soaring, but those w/NPD still take it out of me. 

I had occasion this past week or two to tangle with someone who has NPD. The good news is I was not triggered into a BIG EF per se, just into anger and memories of how impossible NPD behaviour is to deal with, why it is so traumatizing and why I will never put myself in the position ever again of having to deal regularly with anyone who has NPD.  Not a bad reminder but it also sparks a forlorn wish that NPD were not as prevalent as it seems to be to me.

I extricated myself as soon as I realized and blocked the person on email so I don't have to deal with them again.  I told my H what occurred & spoke about how angry I am, and I'm writing here to also let it out and then let it go.

The part that was most maddening was not how unfair, manipulative, gaslighting, etc, etc, etc the person was, but that they have no clue their behaviour is toxic and never will. It makes having any chance at connecting in a human & reasonable way impossible; it's just ends up being a crazy making series of mind games and the only option is to step away, break contact.   

I can feel the grrrring  :pissed:  subsiding as I write this so tks for reading.

17
General Discussion / BIg T vs Little T Trauma
« on: January 04, 2020, 05:59:51 PM »
Good article - Using ‘Big T’ and ‘Little T’ for Trauma Can Be a Big Mistake by Robyn Brickel, May 2019. Here's a short excerpt:

There Is No Such Thing As “Little Trauma”

Trauma is a fundamental feeling of threat. It’s a perceived lack of safety. And it’s different for everyone. Trauma is more about the impact than the cause; it’s about how the trauma is “remembered” in the body. It is not up to us to judge, or quantify or size up the impact of someone’s trauma. The only person who can do that is the person who feels it.

Bullying can be hugely traumatic. Grief can be hugely traumatic. Postpartum depression, anxiety or other mood disorders can be hugely traumatic. Trauma from embarrassment, betrayal and affairs can leave deep, lasting, tremendous impact. These things might be categorized as “Little T”—but there is no such thing as little trauma. Trauma is trauma is trauma!

18
General Discussion / Big T vs Little T Trauma
« on: January 04, 2020, 05:58:24 PM »
Good article I came across today - Using ‘Big T’ and ‘Little T’ for Trauma Can Be a Big Mistake by Robyn Brickel, May 2019. Here's a short excerpt:

There Is No Such Thing As “Little Trauma”

Trauma is a fundamental feeling of threat. It’s a perceived lack of safety. And it’s different for everyone. Trauma is more about the impact than the cause; it’s about how the trauma is “remembered” in the body. It is not up to us to judge, or quantify or size up the impact of someone’s trauma. The only person who can do that is the person who feels it.

Bullying can be hugely traumatic. Grief can be hugely traumatic. Postpartum depression, anxiety or other mood disorders can be hugely traumatic. Trauma from embarrassment, betrayal and affairs can leave deep, lasting, tremendous impact. These things might be categorized as “Little T”—but there is no such thing as little trauma. Trauma is trauma is trauma!

19
The International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISSTD) "seeks to advance clinical, scientific, and societal understanding about the prevalence and consequences of chronic trauma and dissociation."  The ISSTD has a searchable therapist database here

Note: The ISSTD is different from the The International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies (ISTSS).

20
Going Low/No Contact with Abusers / Two Great Quotes
« on: December 25, 2019, 06:24:01 PM »
Came across two great quotes on Twitter this morning that I thought I'd share:

“I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me” - Unknown

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”  Dr. Zeus


21
Christmas & New Years / Santa Finally Gets it Right
« on: December 24, 2019, 05:33:36 PM »
A brilliant video featuring Santa reflecting on reasons not to refer to kids as "naughty" any more - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOGnZHsJFU0.

For those of us who developed CPTSD/RTR in childhood, the wonderful take-away from this is we were never bad or naughty or any of the other negative things we were labelled, we were just kids reacting/responding to overwhelming stress/trauma.  :grouphug:

22
Christmas & New Years / How are You Spending the Holidays?
« on: December 15, 2019, 04:42:47 AM »
Our son is coming home for two weeks and we will be enjoying his company and getting out and about in our new home.  We've lived in the area before but it was 10 years ago so it's fun to go back and see all the old haunts and also check out some new ones.

We did not invite my NPD M so that's some good self-care  :thumbup:

23
Announcements / New Blog Article About Our Difficulties w/Relationships
« on: December 01, 2019, 06:43:36 PM »
It's titled For Relational Trauma Survivors Talk Therapy is Not Enough.  My thanks to Jazzy  :hug:, Woodsgnome  :hug:   and Blue Palm  :hug:  for allowing me to include their posts in the article.     

24
Israel / Site in Hebrew about Covert Emotional Abuse
« on: November 13, 2019, 02:50:29 PM »
The author of this site about covert emotional abuse writes "I set up the site because I did not find enough information in Hebrew for a phenomenon that is expanding in the western world - covert emotional abuse". 

Note: For those who wish to translate it into English you can do so by using Google Translate.


25
General Discussion / MOVED: My Story
« on: November 07, 2019, 04:45:00 PM »

26
Successes, Progress? / Such a Difference
« on: November 05, 2019, 04:46:37 PM »
So we moved into a brand new house in another province and it has been such a different experience than when we moved into what we thought would be our retirement home 6 years ago.

Like many people with Complex PTSD I have social anxiety and having a contractor working on that house was incredibly anxiety provoking for me. That and having neighbours who were very curious about us put me into high alert mode - it was beyond exhausting.  Plus my H was away during the first 3 months we were in the house finishing out his time in the military so it was just me.  It did not go well. 
 
Currently we have three tradespeople in our house doing finishing work and they will be here for about 3 weeks. Amazingly I'm mostly fine with it and that's no small feat considering how my home has always been my sanctuary so yay to recovery  :cheer: 

All of the work was supposed to be done by the time we moved in and while my H and I weren't pleased it wasn't and I went to my "don't rely on others, they will always let you down" place,  I'm not on my own this time and I've been working on recovery so I've been able to let that go. We're just working with the builder/contractors to 'git er done' in as cordial but firm manner as possible. Normally I would get stuck in those angry, let down feelings but I just don't want those toxins flowing through my system and I realize that me having a defensive/angry attitude would not be helpful. Again, yay to recovery  :cheer:

And finally, my H was going through some things in the face of moving away from a province we love and retiring which caused some very real stress/distress on both our parts.  My H who is normally a steady and calm guy was quite difficult to live with and I had to let him know in the strongest terms that while I understood he was having difficulties and wanted to support him, he could not continue to take it out on me. He shifted out of that thankfully and has been much easier to deal with.  My recovery helped  me understand why he was behaving as he was, but also that I needed to tell him he was being difficult and was pushing me to my limits.  Love and boundaries get you through when someone loves you and is in there and able to connect. Nothing like this ever worked with my family because of their NPD sadly.

Anyway, just thought sharing about my bumps, lessons and successes gives a measure of reassurance/hope that working on recovery is worth it.

27
Announcements / 7,000 Members and Counting
« on: November 04, 2019, 03:56:48 PM »
We just tipped over 7,000 members this morning - not a reason to celebrate but it does highlight how how much communities like OOTS where survivors can connect and share information are needed!  :grouphug:

29
Sexual Abuse / MOVED: Ketamine
« on: November 02, 2019, 02:14:10 PM »

30
Friends / Info/Resources
« on: October 21, 2019, 10:52:35 PM »

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 34