Yesterday I went to my 1st meeting with a Complex Trauma F2F group I found in my new location. It did not go well.
The person who formed the group talked about trauma for an hour, pontificated actually - one of many red flags for me that he has covert NPD. At one point he told us he is a recovering alcoholic, has two children who are completely messed up and that he would have checked all the boxes for NPD in the past. Would have? He didn't seem to get that holding forth centre stage, saying things like MH professionals fear him because he doesn't charge $200/hr for what he passes on to survivors, commenting on whether what someone said was "good" or "right" or not the few times anyone got to speak, etc ..... is NPD behaviour.
At one point he shared that he is developing a 12 step program for trauma so that MH professionals would not be able to attack/discredit the program (because 12 step programs are widely accepted). To think that MH professionals would attack him to protect their livelihood is more centre of the universe N thinking.
I get that many struggling with addiction find the 12 step programs helpful, but telling trauma survivors they must make amends to those whom they have hurt, nope, not on. Part of the reason we have CPTSD/RTR symptoms is because we accepted responsibility for what was done to us versus holding perpetrators accountable. There was only one other past member there (another red flag), a recovering addict who concurred and suggested we have to stop pointing our fingers at others and accept responsibility for our own behaviour. Heck no, point that finger, it's part of taking responsibility for our recovery imo.
And pressing members to hand things over to a higher power, I very much want to let go of the trauma that lives in me but by working through it not letting it go which as many of us know, doesn't work very well. I don't know where this leaves those of us who don't believe in such things.
He also talked about how all people suffer from trauma and we must connect in spirit to which I suggested I had spent 6 decades trying to connect with parents who have NPD and that it never happened and never will. I am compassionate b/c they suffered a lot of trauma, so much so they developed NPD but it is their inability to self-reflect, to even see they have a problem that makes any kind of connection impossible and fraught with danger for me.
Anyway, not to go on, it was clearly not a healthy environment for survivors. What was/is deeply upsetting to me is that he is a wolf in sheep's clothing trying to build a following of vulnerable trauma survivors who will serve his need for attention and validation. I hope they listen to their guts.
On a personal level I am still struggling to let go of the experience and probably will for a bit. I so hate having any dealings with those with NPD and two in one week, overload
They're everywhere though I know so up to me to work on being less upset/angry and triggered. To be honest, I was/am upset with myself that I did react so strongly which tells me I have some more work to do on self-compassion.
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