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Topics - Kizzie

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Announcements / Guideline Reminder - Giving Advice
« on: October 16, 2019, 04:38:46 PM »
For those who are new here, occasionally we will post a guideline reminder about something we're seeing creeping onto the board.  We discourage giving advice in the form of "You should do this or that" because none of us knows what is best for someone else. 

What we can do is share our experience and make suggestions that might help then leave it up to the member to make their own decision. 

The only exception to this are if the member is in danger (suicide, domestic violence, self-harm) and then we do recommend they seek help as soon as possible.

While we encourage members to support and encourage others in theirs recovery, it is important to remember that we are each here to work on our own recovery first and foremost.  Many of us with CPTSD have been trained to be caretakers and recovery for us involves resisting the temptation to do so here at OOTS.   

Feel free to share how you cope or have coped with various situations and to make suggestions (as long as they are phrased as such) - that's the purpose of this forum, but please don't make blanket statements like "You *should* do this and that" based on what you think and/or have read in the resources about CPTSD.  Another person's situation may be very different from yours.  Often, people need to come to their own conclusions in their own time frame. We are all coming from different stages, situations, and backgrounds.

Therapy / Therapy as a Senior
« on: October 12, 2019, 02:40:26 PM »
I am mid 60s though so age is a factor for me. I don't see myself sitting in a T's office at 70 or 80 frankly.   Once we're settled in our new location I am going to give therapy one last good go to see if I can improve my life as I hit the 'home stretch' but I am somewhat doubtful about what I can accomplish.  I am mostly comfortable with not having many close relationships, and am getting to the point where I would rather spend my $$$ and time on trying to have some fun than on a T.

Of course, this is just me and I'm not recommending anyone stop therapy just b/c of age.  :no:

Suicide Ideation/Self Harm / Infomation about SI & SH
« on: October 05, 2019, 06:12:28 PM »
8 Tips Complex Trauma Survivors Need to Know About Living With Chronic Suicidality by Jocelyn Leo (survivor), July 2018.  - a good article which makes the distinction we talk about here between having plans/intent to kill yourself (active SI)and wanting the pain to stop but not having any intent (passive SI).

Survivors of complex trauma, defined as recurrent and inescapable traumatic experiences, may struggle with chronic suicidal ideation. Some people living with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) may have repeated suicide attempts, others may have passive suicidality, and others may find they lie somewhere on that spectrum of suicidality. This can shift, stay stagnant or become absent for long periods of time before it flares again. After traumatic experiences, it is often a very protective effort for trauma survivors to have a ®way out® or a ®safety net.® This may come in the form of suicidal ideation.

The Cafe / Quail Parade
« on: September 23, 2019, 03:49:36 PM »
Most mornings as I type away on my laptop in my office, a parade of quail march across the lawn out front in single file going one way and then at night they walk single file along the fence in our back yard going the other.   :Idunno:   

There  are usually 20+ of them so it's quite funny to watch.  I will miss these silly little birds with their fascinator hats when we move. 

I went to the doctor the other day because I developed some kind of skin condition. She took a biopsy but said she suspects it's psoriasis.  Just waiting for the results to confirm that's what it is but in the meantime I (of course) read up on it and it's thought to be related to an immune system problem. One of the main causes is ...... stress.  :blink: 

For many who live with the chronic skin condition psoriasis, stress can trigger psoriasis symptoms. Stress is thought to trigger inflammation in the body. And psoriasis, itself, is an inflammatory response. Fortunately, studies show that controlling stress can improve psoriasis symptoms. Managing your stress is an important part of managing your psoriasis.  From the Mayo Clinic web site.

Yet another physical issue that relates to having CPTSD.   

Anyway, just wondered if anyone else has immune issues? 

Eating Issues / James Corden on Fat Shaming
« on: September 16, 2019, 06:38:33 PM »
James Corden on fat shaming - Corden responds to Bill Maher's truly awful segment about bringing back fat shaming. 

Well done James C, well done!  :applause:

What is Complex PTSD? / Survivors and Transcenders
« on: September 14, 2019, 12:52:43 AM »
By Andrew Vachss -

I believe that many people who were abused as children do themselvesóand the entire struggleóa disservice when they refer to themselves as "survivors." A long time ago, I found myself in the middle of a war zone. I was not killed. Hence, I "survived." That was happenstance ... just plain luck, not due to any greatness of character or heroism on my part. But what about those raised in a POW camp called "childhood?" Some of those children not only lived through it, not only refused to imitate the oppressor (evil is a decision, not a destiny), but actually maintained sufficient empathy to care about the protection of other children once they themselves became adults and were "out of danger."

To me, such people are our greatest heroes. They represent the hope of our species, living proof that there is nothing bioĖgenetic about child abuse. I call them transcenders, because "surviving" (i.e., not dying from) child abuse is not the significant thing. It is when chance becomes choice that people distinguish themselves. Two little children are abused. Neither dies. One grows up and becomes a child abuser. The other becomes a child protector. One "passes it on." One "breaks the cycle." Should we call them both by the same name? Not in my book.

Announcements / New Blog Article
« on: September 14, 2019, 12:01:36 AM »
Tk you to Blue Palm for allowing us to use her post about feeling entitled to breathe for our current blog article!   :grouphug:

SOT - Sense of Threat (eg Hypervigilance) / Hypervigilance is Exhausting
« on: September 12, 2019, 04:43:09 PM »
Read a good article today - Trauma Isnít Lazy. Here's an excerpt:

The traumatized brain is anything but lazy. In fact, it is over-worked, over-stimulated, over-active, and over-stressed. Trauma survivors have an enlarged amygdala, which triggers the fight-or-flight response. In a survivor, this response goes haywire. It cannot perceive between something that happened in the past with whatís in the present. The brain remembers trauma in the form of flashbacks that constantly re-create the experience.

A traumatized brain is always on alert. Hypervigilance is constantly running in the background, assessing the situation and trying to report back to the rational brain what it finds. In order to keep up with everyday situations, it often must work hotter and harder than a brain without trauma.

Announcements / Complex PTSD at Nov ISTSS Annual Mtg
« on: August 19, 2019, 06:46:30 PM »
The ISTSS 35th Annual Meeting Nov 14-16, 2019 in Boston doesn't have much on its agenda for the meeting dealing directly with Complex PTSD/Trauma (mostly PTSD and developmental trauma in CHildren & youth), but here are two sessions involving a number of the clinicians/researchers who are pushing to conduct research and spread the word about CPTSD in adults.  You may recognize some of the names, especially Judith Herman who was the first to identify Complex PTSD in the 1990's:

Complex PTSD: Charting a Course Forward - Concurrent Session Three Thursday, 3:00 p.m. Ė 4:15 p.m.Salon J/K, 4th Floor Panel: Discussant: Carolyn Yeager, Judith Herman, Elizabeth Carll, Christine Courtois, Thanos Karatzias, Denise LeBoeuf

Assessment and Treatment of ICD-11 Complex PTSD - Concurrent Session Eight Friday, 4:30 p.m. Ė 5:45 p.m.Berkeley/Clarenden, 3rd Floor Workshop: Marylene Cloitre, Philip Hyland, Neil Roberts, Thanos Karatzias

Hopefully as time passes there will be much more about Complex PTSD in adults because treatment and services round the world depend on these researchers, academics & clinicians. 

Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Too Close to Home
« on: August 06, 2019, 09:51:04 PM »
This is a post is by one of our members who lives in one of the locations where the most recent mass shooting took place.

I can only imagine what a traumatic situation this is for you  and your family and friends, my heart really does go out to you.   Wrapping you and yours in care and support  :grouphug:

Hey everyone, I wanted to keep my anonymity so Kizzie agreed to post this for me because Iím having a really hard time.

Things are a mess here in my home down.  Just minutes away there was a mass shooting.  Itís just on the north end of town and Iíve been to that place so many times. My college, parties, dinners, movies it was a fun lively place to have a night on the town. Now what!?!? Itís ruined.

2 of my friends were there during the shooting. They were inside a building that the shooter didnít make it into.  They are safe but both shaken.

Iím even more shaken. Iím so upset! People are saying crass things, blaming mental illness for all of these shootings.  Trump called him a ďmentally ill monsterĒ.

I am tired of the stigma! We canít brand someone their whole lives for having a mental illness and most with mental illness are not violent!

Iíve heard things from people in town that the signs were there... there were red flags for this boy.  I even heard someone say he should have been locked up long ago.  Locked up for what? How about helping him!? Politics is politics but shouldnít we try to help people so they donít see this behavior as an answer?

Itís so hard to turn on the today show and see my local donut shop in the pictures.  My sonís school is about 100 paces from it.

I want to cry, scream something! But instead Iím stuck.... the tears wonít come.  Someone has put a knife in my heart and they keep twisting it.  I mostly just feel like Iím going to throw up and the overwhelming sadness.

Please hug the ones you love

Australia / RU OK?
« on: July 31, 2019, 05:06:16 PM »
RU OK is a suicide prevention through connection not for profit organization serving Australia. 

Our mission is to inspire and empower everyone to meaningfully connect with people around them and support anyone struggling with life.

Our goals are to:

1. Boost our confidence to meaningfully connect and ask about life's ups and downs
2. Nurture our sense of responsibility to regularly connect and support others
3. Strengthen our sense of belonging because we know people are there for us
4. Be relevant, strong and dynamic

Birthday / My Birthday
« on: July 31, 2019, 04:39:02 PM »
So my birthday is on Fri (Aug 2) and I was doing fine until my NPDM emailed with a laundry list of who is coming to celebrate her 90th and what they will be doing. It's just short of a marching band and fly over as befits a 90 yr old who has NPD.  (Her birthday is on the 3rd so it's another loss to NPD b/c mine was spent worrying about whether I would please her on hers.)

Anyway, my H is away on business right now and after I read her email I had this profound sense of loneliness, loss, anger and grief  - there it was again, the naked truth and pain a/b living with a parent who has NPD.

I talked about it by phone with my H who is so supportive (and equally po'd after years of loss due to her disorder), and decided to talk about it here because I know that is what I need to do to continue to recover.  This feeling would have knocked me to my knees emotionally and caused me to dissociate in the past to keep from feeling, but it hasn't and that is progress.

AVAIYA Univ is hosting a free online class "Healing From Childhood Trauma" Jul 29ĖAug 6. 18 physicians, therapists & psychologists will present/talk a/b strategies to understand & heal from childhood trauma.  For a list of presenters and to register go to

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