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... to be Canadian!

LBGTQ Chechens Escape to Canada with Help from Rainbow Railroad    

      

This topic has been moved to General Discussion.

http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=7169.0

This topic has been moved to General Discussion.

http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=7195.0

Hi All - just wanted to let you know I am on vacation until Aug 27th, but do check in daily in case there are any admin issues to deal with. 

[Giving Advice]

Hi Everyone - As many of you know (and some newer members may not know), often the Mod Squad/I will post reminders here if posts are straying from a particular guideline.  Today's reminder is about giving advice:

Giving Advice

OOTS is a confidential peer support group of men and women who are dealing with CPTSD.  We are not mental health professionals, and don't offer this board as a substitute for professional assistance.  Any advice given or received here should be taken in that context.

While we encourage members to support and encourage others in their recovery, it is important to remember that we are each here to work on our own recovery first and foremost.  Many of us with CPTSD have been trained to be caretakers and recovery for us involves resisting the temptation to do so here at OOTS.   

Feel free to share how you cope or have coped with various situations and to make suggestions (as long as they are phrased as such). That's the purpose of this forum, but please don't make blanket statements like "You *should* do this and that" based on what you think and/or have read in the resources about CPTSD.  Another person's situation may be very different from yours.  Often, people need to come to their own conclusions in their own time frame. We are all coming from different stages, situations, and backgrounds.   

If the Moderation Team sees a pattern of giving too much advice to others and not focusing on one's own recovery, the member will be warned and if the behaviour persists, possibly banned.

Tks for following the guideline!

[is]

HI Everyone - I just wanted to let you know that as we wait to be upgraded to the newest version of SMF (the platform for this board), we are having a few technical glitches pop up.  One example is that the platform is not sending the email prompt to reset your password if you forget it, I have to do that manually for you.  Unfortunately, we are still waiting to replace the IT person for OOTF and OOTS, so we just have to put up with them. I don't know how much longer it will take, but the OOTF Site Manager told me in a PM this week that their team is actively working on getting the IT person in place for both sites.

Please be assured that none of these glitches have to do with your anonymity.  In any event, the only thing that is personal here is your home email address which only I and the Moderators have access to.  If you want to disguise that (e.g., if it includes your name), we recommend setting up an email address that is impersonal and that will take care of that. 

My apologies for any inconvenience! 

Kizzie

Hi Again Everyone - I just wanted to announce that Candid has agreed to become a Moderator.  Welcome to the Mod Squad Candid, thanks so much for joining us! 

The recent trial of the forum "Suicide/Self Harm" (under "Symptoms"), has highlighted that this topic is an important one for members. As such, it is now a permanent sub-forum.  Please note, however, that there are some parameters which we have included in our Member Guidelines (http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=1616.msg10035#msg10035), and in the "Please Read First" sticky post at the top of the sub-forum (http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=5897.0). 

Basically we ask that members who are experiencing current thoughts of SI/SH reach out for professional help first and foremost.  None of us here are trained to deal with either situation and while we can empathize and provide support, much more is needed in these life threatening/damaging situations.

Thanks everyone!

I've had a few emails recently from mbrs who have forgotten their pswd, but then don't receive a reset email after they try and login unsuccessfully.  I talked to the Admin at our sister site Out of the Fog and they are experiencing the same issue. 

The OOTF team are in the midst of finding an IT person for OOTF and OOTS so it may be that it will take a bit of time to get this fixed.     

In the meantime, if this happens to you email me using the web site ootsmanager@gmail.com (it's listed on the web site if you forget).  I will go into your account manually, reset the pswd, send that to you via email, and then you can login and reset the pswd to whatever suits you.

It's a bit of a workaround for now, but gets the job done until we can get an IT person in place.

Kizzie

Two excellent web sites by well-known advocates of self-compassion and loving kindness mediation sent to me by a mbr (tks SS!)

• Dr. Kristen Neff - http://self-compassion.org/  With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we'd give to a good friend.



• Dr. Christopher Germer - https://chrisgermer.com/meditations/  When we're overwhelmed with intense and disturbing emotions, such as shame, just noticing what's happening is often not enough. We need to embrace ourselves.  While mindfulness tells us, "Hold your suffering in spacious awareness," the wisdom of self-compassion says, "Be kind to yourself when you suffer." Self-kindness opens a new path to healing. Warmth creates space. Mindfulness invites us to ask, "What am I experiencing right now?" Self-compassion invites us to ask, "What do I need right now?"

Here's a link to a TED talk about shame sent to me by a mbr (tks SS!):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0

Hi Everyone - Just wanted to let you know that Lingurine has agreed to serve as a volunteer Moderator here at OOTS.  Welcome to the team Lingurine and thank you in advance for your time and effort in keeping a safe, respectful and positive community!     

Two questions for this thread are:

1)  What if anything do you do about triggers (positive/negative)?  (Avoid triggers; use prescribed medication; practice mindfulness and/or cognitive behavioral therapy exercises; numb self with alcohol/drugs; dissociate; grit teeth and carry on ...). 

2) Has anything helped you to reduce the intensity and/or frequency of your EFs?

I thought it would be useful to share our experiences with what triggers us so the question in this thread is:

What Triggers Your EFs? Certain kinds of people? Specific people? Certain types of situations? Places? Smells? Sounds? Other? 

This is part 2 of a thread I think is an important one to carry on with. 

The Capacity to Give Up on People - The School of Life

Family Estrangement, What is It? - CPTSD Foundation

Why Family Estrangement Is Roughest at the Holidays, by Shayla Thiel Stern, December 25, 2018

Stand Alone - is a unique UK not-for-profit organization offering "support services to prevent estranged adults becoming vulnerable. We talk openly about the experience of family estrangement to help others lead lives that are less isolated."

A Father, a Daughter, and the Attempt to Change the Census: How Stephanie Hofeller's estrangement from her family may have altered American political history, by Charles Bethea, July 2019, The New Yorker

Going No Contact - Out of the FOG

Medium Chill - Out of the FOG

For so many of us, our health and well-being comes down to distancing ourselves or ending the relationship with those who abused/traumatized us (e.g., moving out of the house/location where the perpetrator(s) live; going Low or No Contact with them; taking legal action to keep them from harassing/stalking us, etc). 

It's a difficult transition to make emotionally, but depending on the situation (e.g., domestic violence), it may also be unsafe physically.  If that is the case, please make sure you have safety measures in place before taking action (unless the threat is immediate in which case call 911).  You can search World Help Lines or use Google to locate a shelter/domestic violence agency close to you.

Emotionally speaking, if you come across any tools/strategies/ideas for dealing with what can be a difficult transition, please add them here so that we build a list of resources over time.   

Tea-the-Artist suggested a new forum to talk about moving out/on  with those who perpetrated our abuse/trauma.  I expanded it a bit to add going LC or NC.  It's under "CPTSD and Others" - http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?board=225.0. 

Thanks Tea, great idea!  it is a big issue for most of us so will be an active sub-forum no doubt. 

Hi Everyone - Just another guideline reminder to please be cautious when posting personal info such as your real name, a pic of yourself, details that identify you in one way or another, etc.,  as anyone can join this forum.  We urge caution here because it is the Internet and we can't know who exactly someone is in real life.  We also recommend the same caution with anyone you are emailing/talking with off the forum for the same reason.

Not to scare anyone     just a reminder to practice self-care 

Thanks! 

Kizzie

[Research Study Participants Needed: Couple Therapy with Survivors of Trauma]

Hi Everyone:

I have been contacted by researchers from the University of Saint Thomas Graduate School of Professional Psychology, Minnesota regarding advertising for participants here at OOTS.  I have reviewed a copy of their study description, approval to proceed and Informed Consent form and am satisfied with what I have read.

Please note I have made them aware that members here have experienced ongoing trauma (versus single or short term) and they are fine with proceeding.  If you are willing and able to participate, please consider doing so as the more professionals learn about us and what we need, the better.  Here is their request:

Research Study Participants Needed: Couple Therapy with Survivors of Trauma

Researchers from the University of Saint Thomas Graduate School of Professional Psychology, Minnesota invite survivors of traumatic experiences who have attended couple therapy to be a part of a research study.  We are interested in survivors of traumatic experiences aged 18 and older who have attended couple therapy with their partner and are now satisfied with the quality of their relationship.

We are interested in what portions of your couple therapy experience were impactful in achieving relationship satisfaction.  Your participation would entail filling out a brief survey about your current relationship satisfaction.  If selected, you will be asked to participate in an interview with the researchers that will last about 60 minutes.  This interview may take place in person or over the phone depending on your location.
You will not be asked to provide details about your traumatic experience, but we will ask you to briefly provide broad categorical information about the nature of the trauma for demographic purposes.  This study is aimed at providing information to practitioners of marriage and family therapy about what survivors of trauma find most impactful when attending couple therapy.

If you are interested in participating we invite you to contact Eric Mortensen via email at mort4516@stthomas.edu or via telephone at 612-618-0922.  Or you may contact Kurt Gehlert Ph.D LP via email at gehl6119@stthomas.edu or via telephone at 651-962-4656.