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I thought it would be useful to share our experiences with what triggers us so the question in this thread is:

What Triggers Your EFs? Certain kinds of people? Specific people? Certain types of situations? Places? Smells? Sounds? Other? 

This is part 2 of a thread I think is an important one to carry on with. 

The Capacity to Give Up on People - The School of Life

Family Estrangement, What is It? - CPTSD Foundation

Why Family Estrangement Is Roughest at the Holidays, by Shayla Thiel Stern, December 25, 2018

Stand Alone - is a unique UK not-for-profit organization offering "support services to prevent estranged adults becoming vulnerable. We talk openly about the experience of family estrangement to help others lead lives that are less isolated."

A Father, a Daughter, and the Attempt to Change the Census: How Stephanie Hofeller's estrangement from her family may have altered American political history, by Charles Bethea, July 2019, The New Yorker

Going No Contact - Out of the FOG

Medium Chill - Out of the FOG

For so many of us, our health and well-being comes down to distancing ourselves or ending the relationship with those who abused/traumatized us (e.g., moving out of the house/location where the perpetrator(s) live; going Low or No Contact with them; taking legal action to keep them from harassing/stalking us, etc). 

It's a difficult transition to make emotionally, but depending on the situation (e.g., domestic violence), it may also be unsafe physically.  If that is the case, please make sure you have safety measures in place before taking action (unless the threat is immediate in which case call 911).  You can search World Help Lines or use Google to locate a shelter/domestic violence agency close to you.

Emotionally speaking, if you come across any tools/strategies/ideas for dealing with what can be a difficult transition, please add them here so that we build a list of resources over time.   

Tea-the-Artist suggested a new forum to talk about moving out/on  with those who perpetrated our abuse/trauma.  I expanded it a bit to add going LC or NC.  It's under "CPTSD and Others" - http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?board=225.0. 

Thanks Tea, great idea!  it is a big issue for most of us so will be an active sub-forum no doubt. 

Hi Everyone - Just another guideline reminder to please be cautious when posting personal info such as your real name, a pic of yourself, details that identify you in one way or another, etc.,  as anyone can join this forum.  We urge caution here because it is the Internet and we can't know who exactly someone is in real life.  We also recommend the same caution with anyone you are emailing/talking with off the forum for the same reason.

Not to scare anyone     just a reminder to practice self-care 

Thanks! 

Kizzie

[Research Study Participants Needed: Couple Therapy with Survivors of Trauma]

Hi Everyone:

I have been contacted by researchers from the University of Saint Thomas Graduate School of Professional Psychology, Minnesota regarding advertising for participants here at OOTS.  I have reviewed a copy of their study description, approval to proceed and Informed Consent form and am satisfied with what I have read.

Please note I have made them aware that members here have experienced ongoing trauma (versus single or short term) and they are fine with proceeding.  If you are willing and able to participate, please consider doing so as the more professionals learn about us and what we need, the better.  Here is their request:

Research Study Participants Needed: Couple Therapy with Survivors of Trauma

Researchers from the University of Saint Thomas Graduate School of Professional Psychology, Minnesota invite survivors of traumatic experiences who have attended couple therapy to be a part of a research study.  We are interested in survivors of traumatic experiences aged 18 and older who have attended couple therapy with their partner and are now satisfied with the quality of their relationship.

We are interested in what portions of your couple therapy experience were impactful in achieving relationship satisfaction.  Your participation would entail filling out a brief survey about your current relationship satisfaction.  If selected, you will be asked to participate in an interview with the researchers that will last about 60 minutes.  This interview may take place in person or over the phone depending on your location.
You will not be asked to provide details about your traumatic experience, but we will ask you to briefly provide broad categorical information about the nature of the trauma for demographic purposes.  This study is aimed at providing information to practitioners of marriage and family therapy about what survivors of trauma find most impactful when attending couple therapy.

If you are interested in participating we invite you to contact Eric Mortensen via email at mort4516@stthomas.edu or via telephone at 612-618-0922.  Or you may contact Kurt Gehlert Ph.D LP via email at gehl6119@stthomas.edu or via telephone at 651-962-4656.

[Overly graphic/detailed posts]

Hi Everyone:

As you may know, every once in a while Three Roses and I will post guideline reminders when we see certain ones increasingly being contravened. We can't monitor the forum 24/7 so members need to help out by abiding by the guidelines and reporting posts that do not.  We normally action these with 24 hours.

Here are the guidelines we'd like to reinforce today:

Overly graphic/detailed posts - OOTS members are survivors of ongoing trauma and emotional/ physical/ sexual abuse. As such, detailed/graphic accounts of the trauma/abuse can trigger painful emotional flashbacks for other members.  Please be very mindful of this and refrain from graphic descriptions of your trauma/abuse, just include enough information to give members the idea.  If you are unsure of whether or not a post is overly graphic, include the words "Trigger Warning" in the subject line of your post. Posts which go beyond what is necessary to describe your situation will be edited or removed.

Offensive, demeaning and/or inappropriate language - This refers to any language that is demeaning of others (e.g., sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, calling someone a derogatory or demeaning name such as "jackass") and/or which is considered by many to be vulgar  (e.g., swearing, using the word "tits" instead of "breasts"). Most if not all members of OOTS have been demeaned through language in one way or another and as such, we encourage writing posts in a manner that is respectful of the trigger potential of language.

Diversity - We are a diverse community, comprising many races, religions, value systems, and beliefs.  Sometimes people of certain religions or of a particular political persuasion assume that everyone shares their values & beliefs or want to impose these beliefs on everyone.  Feel free to speak about what's important to you and how your values and beliefs affect your situation but please don't assume that everyone else is the same.  Degrading or offensive comments about a member's beliefs or groups of people are subject to removal.

Giving advice - Feel free to share how you cope or have coped with various situations and to make suggestions (as long as they are phrased as such) - that's the purpose of this forum, but please don't make blanket statements like "You *should* do this and that" based on what you think and/or have read in the resources about CPTSD.  Another person's situation may be very different from yours.  Often, people need to come to their own conclusions in their own time frame. We are all coming from different stages, situations, and backgrounds. If the Moderation Team sees a pattern of giving too much advice to others and not focusing on one's own recovery, the member will be warned and if the behaviour persists, possibly banned.

Please help to keep this a safe, respectful and positive community as possible. Thanks everyone! 


Reference: OOTS Member Guidelines at http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=1616.msg10035#msg10035

[tone used in posts]

If you haven't read through our guidelines, please take a moment to do so.  Following them is what helps to keep this forum a safe place to talk about dealing with Complex PTSD so they are important.  Our guidelines are here - http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=1616.0.

Of special importance is the tone used in posts - please strive to be as respectful and considerate as possible.  We all have had enough negativity in our lives so let's use this wonderful opportunity we have here to try relating to/connecting with others who know and understand what we're struggling with in a positive and caring manner. 

Another guideline that we want to emphasize is not to tell other members what they should or should not do, think, say .....  Certainly you can suggest a course of action or better yet let them know what worked (or did not) for you in a similar situation, but please delete the word "should" from your posts.

Finally, please be aware any posts that talk about wanting to harm others or engage in violence will be deleted immediately. 

As always, if you do come across a post that contravenes our guidelines or is problematic please  use the "Report to Moderator" button on the lower right hand side of the box and Three Roses/I will deal with it. (We do not ever reveal who made a report to anyone.)

Thanks for respecting the OOTS guidelines, 

Kizzie

I have been contacted by a writer who is doing a series of stories for Zoned Comics about adults who were bullied as children/youth and their path to healing and recovery. As per his email request below, he would like to interview OOTS members with an inspirational story to pass along to children/youth who may be in the same situation. Although he prefers to use real names and a photo, he will preserve anonymity of you so desire.  If you would like to participate, please contact Jose directly at JGonspy@gmail.com. 

Hello,

I'm a writer working on a series of articles featuring adults who have faced trauma such as bullying in childhood and are willing to share their stories of recovery with youth who are currently dealing with this. Considering the long term recovery of Complex PTSD, I understand everyone's journey to recovery may not be complete, but if you feel you've learned something from your experience, and healed in a way that young people might be able to learn something from, I hope you would consider sharing your story.

This series of articles is for the Zoned Comic Competition, which runs an annual competition turning inspirational bullying stories into comic books for kids put together by Marvel Comics. There are a few examples of the blog posts already online you can read to get an idea of what they're like.

The process is fairly simple, I conduct an interview either through e-mail or the phone getting the details of your story, and then write up using your own words as much as possible. The post would go up sometime in early June, though if multiple people are interested in participating, there may be more articles in future months.

Generally speaking, I've tried to feature people who are willing to share their name and a few pictures of themselves. A story tends to have more strength when people can see who it's about. That said, if you aren't comfortable sharing your name, we can possibly work out a way for you to remain anonymous.

If there's any more information you'd like to know, or you're interested in participating, please contact me at: JGonspy@gmail.com

Hi All - Just wanted to mention that I am not posting as much because work is really busy right now. Part of that involves teaching online so I spend a lot of time posting for that and just run out of energy by the end of the day. I do check in daily for PMs and to handle any Admin issues. 

Also, we have been struggling for three weeks now with our dog being quite ill.   He developed diabetes and was on the brink, but after a stay in hospital and many trips back and forth to the vet, adding in meds, etc., we got that under control only to find there is something else going on. Unfortunately it looks like we will have to euthanize him.  We are very sad as we have had him for 15 years and this just happened out of the blue or so it seems to us.  So tough to say goodbye 

Hi Everyone - This is just a reminder that we need your help keeping OOTS a safe and respectful community so please, if you come across any posts that do not follow our guidelines or are problematic for whatever reason, hit the "Report to Moderator" button in the lower right hand side of the post.  We do not ever share who made the report with anyone so you can feel safe in doing so.

Many thanks, Three Roses and I appreciate your assistance.   

There is a new pdf of Pete Walker's "13 Steps for Managing Emotional Flashbacks" here. Please note that his steps can also be used as effective practices for daily management of  Complex PTSD, in particular reminding ourselves to be patient with the process of recovery.   

[ootsmanager@gmail.com]

HI Everyone - We have a bit of a glitch right now with forgotten passwords.  If you try and login using the incorrect password the system is currently not sending an "Reset Password" msge.  If this happens, just send me a msge at ootsmanager@gmail.com, I will reset your password, send it to you so you can login, and once you're in you can reset it to something different.

I think the problem will be fixed once we upgrade to the new version of the platform (which is in progress).

Kizzie

Herd of cows in Canada fascinated (and just a little bit intimidated) by wandering beaver - http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatoon/sask-ranchers-stunned-beaver-1.4073018

[only]

Hi Everyone:

This forum is only for the discussion of prescribed medications, LEGAL substances (e.g., alcohol) and natural supplements/remedies.

OOTS in no way recommends/supports the use of illegal substances, but in recognition that many are currently in trials for their medicinal properties (e.g., psychedelics) a separate forum has been set up with appropriate warnings in place here -  http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?board=224.0.     

This topic has been moved to Discussion About Illegal Substances.

http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=593.0

This topic has been moved to Discussion About Illegal Substances.

http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=4484.0

This topic has been moved to Discussion About Illegal Substances.

http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=5208.0

This topic has been moved to Discussion About Illegal Substances.

http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=6060.0