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I can see your post Cascade. BB I didn't see your reply, just the yellow bar but as soon as I clicked on "See This Post" there it was and here I am replying to both. 

I'm not sure this is terribly helpful for you Cascade. Maybe that's why no-one has used this feature in the past.  One of the downsides to a public forum I guess; there are always members you don't especially want to interact with. 

Not to worry about when you post, we get that when you're new it can be quite difficult. Just ease into it and I think you'll find you feel comfortable before too long.  Lots of lovely people here. 

Welcome to OOTS!

Fair enough Slashy. I know some people use substances like weed to help them asleep. That might be worth a try.  It's legal here in Canada so there's quite a lot of medicinal use nowadays.

I tried it too and see the yellow bar but the question is can that person see our posts and reply?  BB I am going to add you to my ignore list - can you let me know if you can still see my posts and reply to them? I'll make a post to you in this section.

You learn something new every day around here 

Tks for this BB! 

That is awesome Cascade  for the healthy assertiveness! I wish it always worked out as well in real life. 

Hey Cascade, I honestly don't know for sure.  We could try it though.  If you want to block me and then let me know the link to you post I'll see if I can see it #1 and if I can reply #2.

I've never had anyone use the feature before so it would be good for me to know.  You can use my email in case for some reason it affects PMing too.  It's l.herod@yahoo.ca.

I'm quite torn at the moment between thinking we do need to remember and fill in the holes so there is a sense of coherence to our lives and an understanding about why we are the way we are, and not digging it all up because at my age (67) I'm just tired of the trauma.  I want to move forward and live without all of it hanging over me but I'm not sure I can do that.  It just seems appealing not to do any more looking backward, especially to areas of my life I don't have great recall.  I can't remember my teachers BTW, but I feel like at 67 that's OK.

Not a definitive answer I know Chaos but thought I'd chime in as someone who also wonders about remembering.

A lot of self-medicating is about numbing ourselves so we can keep the pain at bay or in your case get to sleep at night. Just my thoughts here of course but there are medications that will help and not cause you to develop liver disease. Maybe see your GP and have a frank conversation?   

The problem is if you haven't seen the second child/youth for years anything you bring up would likely not be taken with any credence by the CPS.

As for the autistic child (is she a child?), if you have concerns you could contact CPS and tell them  about her reaction and that you talked to the parents. The fact that they vaguely confirmed something is up gives you a bit more confirmation of a possible problem. 

It's never easy to say something when we think something might be going on. We are hesitant to get involved in other people's business and so many children are left to their fates. I personally don't think we should look the other way, but it takes social workers/police to take us seriously and check on the child's welfare.

Nope no reason to forgive IMO.  I feel like I would be doing younger me a complete bad if I did somehow.  I do understand that my parents went through a lot of trauma of their own but that does not mean they get to pass it on. At the very least each of us has to do our best to break the cycle.

I clearly have a lot of unresolved issues around death. My upset did not seem related to the deaths as such, but to my mother's attitude towards the sick and dying.

I know from things you have said or written about that your mother is an N and like most N's is quite dismissive of the pain and suffering of others.  Perhaps this is what this tapped into and what boiled up to the surface; that banal almost glib attitude towards anyone else's suffering including yours by your own mother.

I know from having an NM just how deep the hurt is and just how wrong their attitudes are, how much we are just an object to them and how little we count. Maybe little NK needs to smash a few plates (maybe not in the restaurant), and let that anger and grief go.

I am sorry regardless of the reason you are very out of sorts NarcKiddo, it seems like we have reached the bottom of the well and whoosh.

 

If you find a good therapist they will be concerned with how you feel about the character traits you have in place and whether or not they are of concern to you or not. At least that's how it should go if they are open to you being you. They may well ask why you are in therapy so you may want to have an answer to that ready.

Hey Cactus Flower, just wanted to bring this thread back to you and see if it has been helpful for the question you asked early on about admitting it happened?