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[Note to members:]

There aren't any visual graphics Steve, mainly because it used to be you couldn't insert an image in a post and had to attach it instead with the limit being 500 mb which gets quite unwieldy. I'm happy that SMF (our platform) has apparently changed this and we can add more infographics if we so choose now. I do like visuals as sometimes words don't quite capture what the poster is trying to get at or convey it better.

Note to members: We have to be careful about copyright if we post an image someone else has made.  If you want to include images like this please be sure to include a link to where you got it. Tks.

 

We do have 2 Zoom groups, one every second Fri and the other every second Sat. You can check with the host Papa Coco via DM if there is space. If there is no space, I will look at starting a third group if there is sufficient interest (5-7). It will be a peer support group versus a therapist led group. PLease PM me if you'd like to be a part of a third group (Kizzie). 

For a therapist led group, as I mentioned in a earlier post in this thread Psychology Today is a good place to search - https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists. These are of course fee based because they are therapeutic.

We do talk a lot here about acknowledging and challenging our intrusive thoughts Steve, either on our own or undertaking therapies like CBT. It's so true that we must be able to see what we are thinking first, especially those negative thoughts that are murky, running in the background so to speak. That's when we can go on to doing something about them, to "reframe" or change them as you say. 

Glad to  hear it's working for you! 

Just my thoughts on this but I don't think you don't need to tell your parents anything that you don't want to. In the end it is all about you and what you need.

      

 

[male]

We are currently recruiting male patient partners (PPs) from Canada or the USA for a project on closing the gap in healthcare for survivors of complex relational trauma with CPTSD. If you're interested, please watch watch the presentation at https://www.canva.com/design/DAGnQGwI7AM/Bfwi-y2dpzAZwbI6WmTt5A/edit. Being a PP involves people with lived experience of complex relational trauma and CPTSD serving as partners in the project. This is different than being a research participant in that partners are much more involved in actual project work.

It is a requirement of the project recruitment that no applicants who participated in the research study, Part 1 of this project about survivors lived experience with healthcare, will be allowed to join this part of the project for ethical reasons. For the same reasons, please do not contact me (Kizzie) about this opportunity. 

If you're eligible and interested then contact Hiro Ito at Island Health hiro.ito@islandhealth.ca. She is doing our recruiting and she is the only person who will know your real identity. I and the project team will only know you by your pseudonym.

When you contact Hiro, please let her know you've seen the presentation and she will send you an eligibility questionnaire to complete and return to her. She will then let everyone know whether or not they have been selected on June 17th or 18th. If you do have any questions about the project please ask her rather than me.

There will be an honorarium at the end of the project ($40/hour for approx 12 hours). 

Thanks for your interest!

Kizzie

I'm so glad you stopped by James, your post is so articulate and evocative. It really captures what you and we go through so well, the exhaustion and sense of futility are palpable.

Just so you know, for the exact reasons you lay out in your post, a group of us here at OOTS have put together a book that we hope will educate both the public and professionals about the reality of living with CPTSD, and what we need, want and deserve in terms of validation, treatment, services and support. We're coming close to publication and will let the forum know when it's available.

Also, I am working on a project with a university here in Canada to develop a resource about the gap in healthcare (not being able to find medical and mental health professionals who know about CPTSD and are educated and trained to treat it). The results of the study and the resource we develop from the findings should be available here at OOTS in Sept-Oct. We will also be disseminating it widely to healthcare education and training programs and associations in Can and the US.

Both projects are intended to make our voices heard so I hope this gives you a degree of hope that things will get better for us.

 

Spot on Matilda!  At our sister site Out of the FOG there is a saying I really found useful and that is "Don't load the drama gun." It just means don't give the N anything to rant about, use against you, etc., because given any opportunity they will. And you're so right that they don't change so we have to keep things as yellow/gray rock as possible. It certainly sounds like you've figured out how to deal with your F and it will undoubtedly help with CPS because now you are the calm one who is steady and stable. 

I remember growing up as a teenager I was the one my family thought had a problem because understandably I would get really angry when they would play their N games. It wasn't until I was older and figured out gray rock that I got the upper hand. They were truly confused by me and once my NB even said he was afraid of me (according to my NM). All that he and my parents were unnerved by was the boundaries my H and I set and our quiet, but firm enforcement of them. It can be done.

By "what men have a problem with" do you mean rough sex, pornography, or something along those lines? You can tell us in general what you mean but please don't go into graphic detail as it can be triggering for many members because what they've been through. We ask that members save the intimate details for therapy.

The only way we can help is by suggesting things that worked for us in similar situations and by supporting you. From what you've said so far I would suggest you do find a therapist who can help you one-to-one. Certainly we will tell you what we think, make suggestions, and support you, but the real help (for this) is likely to come from a trained professional.

Whatever is going on though, one thing I would suggest is to try and understand that as a survivor of complex relational trauma you are bound to have problems with relationships and to feel lots of shame. One of my fav sayings is from  a book by Dr. Christine Courtois - "It's not you, it's what happened to you."  Maybe try and take this inside your heart and accept that we react the way we do for good reason; abuse and neglect leave holes in our hearts, loads of mistrust, and a really poor self-image. 

It's incredibly sad that we take on the responsibility for this burden rather than hand it back to those who hurt and injured us. That's where it all started and knowing that deep inside can spark a feeling of "Wait a minute, I do NOT need to feel this way."

Hope this is helpful 

Can you explain a bit more HungryDog?  You said you got in huge trouble for getting really angry with your female friend. Was the trouble from a man or men and is that the reason you are frightened of them now?

    

Bye WabiSabi, hope you come back at some point!   

Kizzie

Thanks for this Hope!

breathing the air of self-acceptance is amazing!

This is so simple and yet so elegant when it comes to recovery Marcine! Well done you for all the honest exploration you've done about your trauma and who you are authentically underneath all of that.