Messages

    It feels to me like you just may have turned a corner and set sail out of the storm so to speak.  Sending much support and care your way Boat, happy to hear you have some compassionate and knowledgeable guidance on the journey 

   I just wanted to echo what WG has posted and also add that I think everyone uses dissociation to a degree (e.g., zoning out watching TV after a long day) . Perhaps you are taking a mental break from the normal stresses of everyday life rather than trying to escape something anxiety/fear provoking? 

I use that as a gauge of when I need to try and stay present. If I'm tired or ill or overwrought, it's zone out time with a good book or TV show, a nap or whatever I need to refresh and recharge.  If it's something deeper I do try and stay present,  but frankly I don't always want to stay when it's too big to deal with. 

Even if I do choose to dissociate, it's a big step because it is a choice rather than something that in the past was automatic.  I am aware of what I am doing now and that in and of itself is far beyond where I used to be.     Also, now I will at least try and "name the pain" before I do dissociate.   I tend to find that the next time I can look at the trauma a little longer, and keep on exploring it in small doses until I can stay fully present with whatever it is.  One such difficult truth I remember facing was the fact that my parents were/are disordered and that there was no hope they would ever be who I needed and deserved them to be. I had to give up that hope I had clung to forever - just really, really hard to face but I can do it now without needing to dissociate. 

Anyway, whenever I feel guilty about dissociating I try and keep in mind that it is absolutely reasonable (and perhaps even necessary) to face things in small doses.  It sure beats blaming myself with all or nothing edicts from my ICritic as I am prone to doing. 

Hope this helps!   

Hi Starry - Unfortunately I don't see a way of turning that off for individual members, but I will check with our sister site in case I have missed something. 

   I don't think Walker is suggesting you dismiss the IC's feelings so much as try and get back into your adult self in the present so you can help younger you as Meursault has suggested. FWIW, that's the way I interpret his steps too.

Basically it's a technique for helping you to connect or bring back online the adult parts of you so you can show your IC you care about what happened, and then acknowledge, validate and process those feelings from the past.  Then when you do encounter something triggering in the present, your IC doesn't take over and run/dissociate or whatever, but is calm(er) and OK with letting adult you handle things.

Some great recovery you're working on, and maybe a new house in the future - lovely to hear Candid!     and      and   

That must be so hard Joyful    My FOO didn't get the irony either.  Your post reminded me of sitting with my NPDB who I am NC with now, and having a surreal conversation about parenting, as though like our NPD parents portrayed, he were a caring, loving, capable parent.  All of this was whilst his family was in chaos and beginning to unravel. He did not seem to see that he and his now ex-wife were traumatizing their children. I now understand that having NPD shaped his thinking into something that allowed him to believe he was doing right by them.  Still, it was and is very difficult to understand how he could not see the obvious.  I chose to go NC (No Contact) with him because he is locked into that disordered way of thinking and I simply couldn't be around him any more without wanting to shake him and/or triggering.

So , I know those moments too, there were many of them with my FOO too.  I am really glad to hear you understand it is your F that has the problem ( took me a long time to figure out my FOO had NPD and were/are abusive), and now to have some help to get out from under his control.  Rooting for you 

So glad to hear you are feeling better Jarvus, and also that you have a spouse that cares and some professional help to guide you.  I hope the session goes well 

Perhaps email and simply say what you've written here?  Sometimes the simplest solution is the best one   

       Kudos BB!   

That's terrific Beloved 

Hi and a warm welcome Beloved    Along with saying helloI wanted to let you know there are searchable databases to help you find a trauma T here - http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=881.0.  There are also some forms and info sheets here that you may find useful - http://www.outofthestorm.website/downloads/

It can really helps to finally know what you are dealing with.  Good luck finding a T. 

HI and welcome starrynight (I like your name too)     There's lots to learn, but you're worth it 

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS JR    A lot of us have been where you are and are doing much better thru therapy, coming here, and using self-help strategies.  Have you ever talked to anyone, professional or members of a group like this one about what you're feeling? I ask because I know I and lots of others tend to isolate  (symptom of the disorder), and not open up about what is going on with us.  That tends to make things feel hopeless, like there is too much to deal with.  Posting and reading here can help with that, as can a good trauma therapist - do you have one?

If you do find yourself in crisis we do have emergency numbers to contact and I would encourage you to pick up the phone.  The people on the other end are trained and compassionate and that can be just the ticket when things are dark. 

    Befrienders Worldwide provides emotional support worldwide to prevent suicide - http://www.befrienders.org

    The International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP)  provides information about where to find help around the world - http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

    Your Life Counts - provides a comprehensive list of crisis hot lines and organizations around the world - http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines

I really like the name of the last one as it's what so many of us have come to see in recovery, our lives count, your life counts.

Hi and welcome Kestrel.  I think you'll find it's as safe here as it can be for the Internet.  I don't know if you used uour real name in your post but if so you may want to just go by Kestrel.  If so, let me know and I can edit the posts in this thread (Just post here or PM me).

Just wanted to say welcome Wobbits!