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lol with a    -  very, very unsettling for sure.

That's great, tks 

Would you like to write it up into an exercise and post it in the Ideas for Recovery Exercises thread http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=3482.0.?   (If not I will).   

I can hear your need for care loud and clear  Dutch   Perhaps you are presenting the side of you that does not need/want that to your friends? 

Now that you are so well aware of your own needs (and isn't that great recovery!?), maybe you could invite them to respond by being outward about your feelings in these situations with your FOO.  That is, after explaining the situation talk about how it makes you feel so they know you are in need of comfort/ understanding. Sometimes when I think things inside should be obvious to my H, I realize that it's not.  It's not that he doesn't care, he can and does put 2 and 2 together oftentimes, but other times I need to be direct. 

I just had a similar situation with a friend who was hinting that she was having difficulty and I was trying to respond but wasn't quite connecting I could tell.  In the end I was direct, then I knew what was going on and how to respond. 

Just my to cents FWIW 

This topic has been moved to General Discussion.

http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=3446.0

Wow, thanks Dutch!

I will definitely give some thought to adjusting the Recovery section to include ideas for recovery (such as nurturing your Inner and outer advocate). We do have a "Tools for Recovery" but it's not overly active;  perhaps it just needs a new title like "Ideas for Recovery" instead of "Tools" which is a bit formulaic.  Great link Dutch, her material resonates so deeply with me I find.

JDog our new PM and his cabinet are doing their level best to make this a much more positive, inclusive government so fingers crossed he can get the job done.  He gave so many of us hope that things could be different.   I am absolutely astounded that Trump is still in the lead, *!?!?!      It's a race to the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy for sure (love it), and how scary is that?! 

Wonderful idea Tess, I was just thinking this could be a great recovery exercise in our new "Monthly Recovery Exercise" if you're OK with it.

Damn Flying Monkeys!   

 And another Cocobird 

I always felt safer on my own as I could turn down the hypervigilance so I can't quite relate. Can you relate this back to your childhood perhaps? The other thought I had is that perhaps when you are with others you don't have to think about your pain/trauma, but when you are alone it begins to bubble up?

Did you happen to catch any of the last election in Canada JDog?  Our new PM (Trudeau) won in  large part because he called out the politicians who were using fear mongering, mainly our then PM (Harper).  He also refused to get into the negative campaigning that is typical of political parties in full campaign mode.  And it worked, he got a majority when he was in last place coming into the election! 

I love the idea of being a purveyor of hope     Perhaps those of us who have CPTSD need to be bigger consumers too. 

Hopefully I'm not taking this thread sideways, but your post got me thinking about the fact that we talk a lot about the ICr, but not about an Inner and Outer Advocate.  If we have an Inner and Outer Critic, why not an Inner and Outer Advocate?  I suppose that's what recovery is about in large part but why not give it a name? Perhaps If we give it a name though it then becomes much more real.  "It" being the part of us which is the voice of reason, caring, positives, etc.... advocates for us and for others, does not succumb to fear....  our counterbalance to the I/OCr.

NB:  Would you be OK if I moved this to the  "Inner/Outer Critic" sub-forum?

Wow Dutch, that article is disturbing,  but personally I'd rather know about things like this.  The T I'm seeing talked about having an "abreaction" to EMDR twice (BIG EFs afterward), and I'm wondering if that would apply here. 

Anyway, very good info to keep in mind given we have CPSD;  underscores the need for a trauma trained T.

As I mentioned my M was very, very good at playing the good mother role so it was confusing to me right into adulthood - was she abusive?   

Before I went to OOTF I would go back and forth, back and forth, anger to guilt feeling torn up and half crazy trying to nail down what had happened and was happening.  I would have probably figured it out long before then if my M had been an overt N, but covert N's are much harder to pin down (at first, it's very clear these days).  For example, my M was a big gift giver.  Sounds very loving and how on earth could I possibly complain about that?  Well, when I figured things out I saw that the giving of gifts was all to feed her need for gratitude, an added notch in the "I am such a good mother" belt.  Doing nice things had a string attached - feed my N need, so it was never about anyone else but her.

In the midst of what appeared to be a sea of plenty I was starving for real connection, love, care, support, all the real things parents need to provide for their children in order for them to flourish.  When I entered my teens I became quite angry - I knew something was wrong in my gut, I just didn't quite know what and that only served to make me look like the unruly, mouthy teen, bad daughter, ungrateful, selfish, etc.  It took until my 50's, going to OOTF and then finding out about CPTSD to really nail it all down.

All this is to say, take your time, read, post and see if you can unpick what it is that brought you here and why you believe you have CPTSD. Abuse is not always obvious.

I had that weird experience of feeling like I had written your post as I read it Butterfly. I get that a lot here  lol!    It so resonates with me about being an Empath.  I always wanted an off switch as I could not stay in my skin, too caught up externally, too "other referenced". rather than "self-referenced."

Tks for the links! 

I can't locate the interview any more, but I did find a map which shows where homosexuality is illegal worldwide and there are many parts of Africa where this is the case - http://76crimes.com/76-countries-where-homosexuality-is-illegal/.  Ten countries have laws which provide for the death penalty - utterly scary.