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Hi and a very warm welcome Delilah    How wonderful that you have a brother who cares enough about you to twist your arm until you went to therapy! Many of us don't have that kind of relationship with anyone in our family of origin so that (having him support you), together with therapy and reaching out here -- all great resources for recovery.  I hope you settle in soon and feel comfortable enough to tell us more about yourself and your situation.

Glad you found your way here 

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS Lumpers. I'm glad that you were able to post despite it being triggering for you. It can be difficult to reveal yourself, to put down in black and white all that you struggle with ....but you have done it and that's a big step forward.   

Do you have an informed/supportive physician who can help you to find a knowledgeable psychologist?  There are various database for locating therapists on your own that may be helpful - here are a few I'm using (currently looking for a trauma trained T as well):

• Psychology Today - https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/?tr=Hdr_Brand
• Good Therapy - http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html
• RateMD - https://www.ratemds.com

There are also generally national and provincial/state level associations for psychologists that have searchable DBs. 

Not everyone here has been diagnosed, they just know as you do they have CPTSD and that this is the right place for them to be. 



   

Hi DM and a very warm welcome to OOTS     Please feel free to have a look around and when you feel comfortable post a bit about your situation. Many of us find that it is really helpful to see that others have the same symptoms and to learn how others approach their recovery.

Glad you found your way here

A very warm welcome to OOTS PaintedBlack, I'm so glad you are reaching out here and I hope you will find the information, support and encouragement you are looking for. 

I am constantly amazed by how much we can endure and keep going, but it speaks to our courage and you certainly have a lion's share of that.  In spite of the most important person in the world rejecting and abandoning you again and again you are here and well into recovery - that....is....simply....amazing    If you are having a bad time of things remind yourself of that and consider how far that energy and persistence and courage will take you now that you know about PDs and CPTSD.

I am LC with my NPDM and NC with the rest of my PD FOO and associated FM's and it has made a huge difference in my recovery - I can focus on it/me instead of managing them, fighting EFs.  Are you back to NC again with your M? 

Take care, feel better and hope to see you back soon 

Hi Far - self-referencing refers to thinking about what you need/feel/think/want ..... instead of others.  Many of us with CPTSD have had to focus on others, meeting their needs, watching for danger .... so much so that we aren't in tune with ourselves and need to start to begin to consider ourselves in order to recover.

Hope this helps.

That's absolutely wonderful to hear Rrecovery!    and  and   

Thanks for the feedback/info, I will give some thought to Kanna.  Where we moved to is quite cutting edge in terms of psychoactive meds/herbs so I may actually be able to find a GP or T who I can talk about this with.  Anything I can do to encourage those positive, life affirming (thriving versus surviving) parts of my brain/self is worth considering.

Those all sound really soothing FloatBoat 

Sorry to hear you're waking up to that Coralreef.    I had much the same experience about a year ago over a period of about 8 months. I would wake up drenched in sweat and having an EF unrelated to anything I'd been dreaming.  until very recently I also felt a lot of depression when just waking up or falling asleep like you FloatBoat.  Perhaps it's because when we are asleep or in that twilight state between sleep and wakefulness our walls are down to some extent and the trauma seeps through. 

I'm not experiencing either any more and I think that what worked for me is finally letting myself feel the fear, anger, and grief more consciously (in small doses),  and in doing so the trauma is surfacing, being processed and defueled little by little.  Pete Walker talks quite a bit about the IC letting you know they need to be heard in his book, and when you look at it that way and start listening and feeling compassionate it does feel like the IC doesn't need to struggle as much or shout as loud or at least it did in my case.

Also, learning to self-soothe and validate/accept my feelings rather than push them away helped - took a while to get the hang of but coming here and hearing how others were doing so for themselves made a big difference.

I hope your nights become calmer 

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Note:  Articles moved to "Information about Emotional Abuse" at http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=2567.0

The PD thing explains so much doesn't it?  And it validates for me that there really is a lot to be cranky (read angry and sad and depressed) about.

I do like CBT for noticing the positive things in my life I never had the time or energy to see before, and for rethinking some of my thinking/feeling that may be distorted because of the trauma, but at the same time I don't want to slip into denial that things are all good. Thankfully my IC continues to point that out no matter how much I try to ignore her.     

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS FloatBoat    It can be difficult to talk about our CPTSD with others who either don't know a lot about it or whom we don't want to burden.  Here that problem goes away and hopefully you won't feel quite so lost by coming here.

Glad you made your way here

Part 2 of the original thread "Today I feel ....."

Hi Rrecovery - just thought I'd post to see how using a bit of Kanna daily is going?  Is it allowing you to look at the trauma from your past more openly/clearly/compassionately? I was interested in MDMA and/or weed for that reasons but MDMA is illegal and when I tried pot I really disliked the head high it gave me (even on milder types).

Do you know if it can be used in conjunction with an SSRI?  I was prescribed a new one last year (Celexa) and it has made quite a difference although as I mentioned in another thread I only have glimpses of the higher end of positive feelings - moments of joy, abandon ....

Anyway, I'm so glad you found something that works for you 

    Good for you Boats!     and