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Messages - Kizzie

#6301
Recovery Journals / Re: Kizzie's Journal
November 04, 2014, 07:31:36 PM
Thanks BadMemories, I am going to get ahold of our military ombudsman's office and start the ball rolling there.   We had word yesterday from my H's last HQ that they are are trying to get my H's file expedited at the CF Pension office so fingers crossed it will not drag on for another 2 months as they originally told us.

Love those hugs!  Backatcha  :hug: 
#6302
Recovery Journals / Re: schrödinger's journal
November 04, 2014, 07:26:01 PM
If you constantly read story after story where people wind up with similar symptoms after being traumatized in a certain way, then it's getting reaaaally hard to see this as a character fault. It's simply an injury. So when my inner critic pipes up with its constant song of "you're being weak", I point at OOTS and go: "hah, what about that? They aren't weak, so I'm not either."


:yes:   :applause:    :thumbup:   :yeahthat:   :thumbup:    :applause:  :yes:
#6303
"There is legal precedent here, in my country, where unfair distribution of assets between *siblings* has been overturned by the court and this woman is not even a member of my family except by marriage of her mother."

Sunkitten - you mean that a previously set precedent has been overturned rather than upheld correct? Hard to believe if that's the case!

This is a long shot idea here but you just never know.  What about seeing if there are any watchdog style journalists in you area that might be interested in investigating your case?  I just saw one on TV last night that brought a lot of attention to bear on a guy's experience of having his girlfriend steal his credit card and rack up tons of charges, and even though she "confessed" (and got 20 hrs of community service and had to write a letter of apology to him), the credit card company was still making him repay the charges.  Since the reporter got into it though they company is "reevaluating things" a little bad press can go a long way it seems.   

It may be that in your case being disabled and not having the resources to fight this case in which an an in-law (out law) is trying to take advantage of you may capture a journalist's attention.  Long shot I know, but if it worked it might be a way of getting some quick action without forking over a bundle of money.
#6304
Medication / Re: Gabapentin
November 04, 2014, 04:48:37 PM
Hi Ghost - there are T's who do know about CPTSD specifically although fewer than is needed, but many have some training and experience in trauma so it's not a big leap for them to understand and treat CPTSD.  My T is like this and I've provided him with links to Walkers site and a few others.

Celexa - hmmmm, I was prescribed thru a psychiatrist I saw when I was having the panic attacks and am now monitored by my GP so unless your T is a psychiatrist, I guess you'll have to go to your GP.  It helped me because my Social anxiety disorder was out of control early on this year as I think I mentioned and the psychiatrist I saw had had a lot of success with Celexa in this respect. 

Hope this helps and that you can find some relief thru therapy and a med that helps!
#6305
General Discussion / Re: Re: Holidays
November 03, 2014, 09:06:28 PM
A meditation retreat sounds lovely Zenfox, whereabouts if you don't mind me asking?

We will be staying home for Christmas, but my son is coming home from university so we're really excited about that as we live on the opposite coast and don't get to see much of him at all. And this year my NPDM is spending XMas with my NPDB so it's just us and we couldn't be happier - no pressure, no having to manage all her PD behaviours (they really ramp up at XMas or any holiday for that matter), just our little FOC enjoying the holidays together. 
#6306
Recovery Journals / Re: schrödinger's journal
November 03, 2014, 08:58:42 PM
"It's funny. I have this steady, strong, competent persona - but that's just how people are in my house. I learned this like a language. It's an advantage sometimes, but I have such a hard time showing myself weak. It's like, if I do that, people will walk away."

Your post really resonated with me Cat, especially the notion of not wanting anyone to see me as weak.  It started me thinking about how we define what being "weak" is. In my case it is a lack of control which makes me feel very vulnerable to abuse, rejection, ridicule, and of being made to feel small.  In your case it seeems to be about about asking for help, of needing something from others -- is that about right? 

I guess my point in this noodling kind of post is that we both have gotten tangled up in others' versions of what is weak, internalized them as you suggest and now it is time to find out what it is we think and feel, you're so right about that.  When we sense someone is struggling do we attack, reject, ridicule, walk away? No.  So I guess the thing to work on as your post so nicely highlights is that we really do need to "treat ourselves as we would treat others." Simple, yet elegant and powerful.

Tks for sharing your thoughts about your recovery Cat (and by the way, we will not walk away from you).  :hug:

   
#6307
Recovery Journals / Re: Kizzie's Journal
November 03, 2014, 08:30:35 PM
Tks everyone for your suggestions and support  :thumbup:   BeHealthy, we do have provincial medical coverage here, it's our extended coverage that isn't rolling yet so we have to pay for medications, certain services (psychologist or psychiatrist, physiotherapy, dental) and then submit a claim for reimbursement when the plan kicks in.  So we will get a percentage back but it can be a lot out of pocket.  Fortunately we have had the resources but after five months we're having to tap into some we don't want to and more to the point shouldn't have to.  We do have someone at my H's last HQ advocating for us now so hopefully that will expedite the slowing moving machine that is the CF pension office. I am seeing a T at our local community health centre so that is covered and tk goodness for that, private ones are really expensive.

It really did feel like a betrayal, but I've used the "lift and separate" or Playtex bra technique and separated out what belongs in the past and the present so it is not sending me into an EF at least, I just have some annoyance and consternation which is understandable and a "normal" reaction imo. 

I must admit I really hate being EF'd like that (hah, using EF as a verb now lol). I did not see it coming and it flattened me so it makes getting on with some IC work so I am aware of my triggers all that much more important.

Onward!

#6308
Quote from: sunkitten on November 02, 2014, 05:55:11 AM
Right now I feel like that character in the Sopranos tv show, the one that uttered, "Just when you think you got out, they pull you back in..." (sorry, I can't remember the whole of the character's speech, so am paraphrasing it).

I use this same line all the time SunKitten and for good reason -- folks with a PD, well narcissists anyway, will continue to try and engulf, hoover, torture, make you crazy as long as you let them which is why I am LC with my NPDM and NC with the rest of my PD FOO.

So sorry to hear you are going through this  :hug:   Can you just block them and be done with them entirely?  And in the case of the trespassing/money concerns - are you able to afford your own attorney?  If so, let the lawyers do the talking when/if the time comes. 

Your first priority in all of this is to take care of YOU!

#6309
Inner Child Work / Re: Neat Tool for IC Work
November 03, 2014, 01:42:01 AM
Great to have you back on the Board Pam, it's been a while and we've missed you. How have you been doing?

I do remember all your amazing IC work (although I thought you had younger you use a crayon versus the opposite hand), and hope that you will share here what techniques you have used.

As for me, you're right I was not ready to do much of the painful IC work until I found a T as I did not feel at all confident wading in there on my own.  Just....Plain....Scared. As you probably remember too, my "work around" until I did find a T was to spend some time trying to invite her to come out and have more fun in the hopes that when a T and I finally did get down to it she (I) would not be so scared.  (E.g., joined an African drumming class just and she does have a hoot at it)

For me that seems to have been a good strategy as he was able to connect with her twice already. So I'm quite certain he will be 'inviting' me to do a lot of IC work now. I don't like re-feeling all those old feelings, but they're in there and are the seat of my pain so onward I guess.  I will be posting here and/or in my Recovery Journal as I go along.

How is your IC work going?

#6310
Many of our members are depressed at one time or another.  However, we are not professionals and, therefore, are not equipped to counsel anyone in the throes of a suicidal or threatening depression. Suicidal and threatening posts and personal messages are not allowed and will be removed from the boards immediately, and the poster will be encouraged to seek professional assistance in his or her "real life" community. If you are in crisis, you need to reach out to your physician, a suicide hot line or go to the Emergency Department of your local hospital.

One exception to this rule is describing suicidal or self harm thoughts which have happened in the past:

What's OK to post:
  • Descriptions of self harm or suicidal ideation from the past, (e.g. "he said he was going to kill himself" or "I just wanted to end it all")
  • Non-gratuitous descriptions of threats or acts of violence which have occurred in the past

What's not OK to post (post will be removed and the member encouraged to seek professional help):
  • Describing a self-harm or suicidal ideation in the present or future (e.g. "I think he is going to kill himself" or "I just want to end it all")
  • Posts (including humor) describing an ideation or fantasy of violence towards others
  • Discussing or advocating any type of revenge, or ways to harass, hurt, sabotage or get even with petrator(s) of your abuse/neglect or whom you feel may have hurt you.
Any member who reads a post or receives a personal message containing an ideation or threat of violence or self-harm should report the PM or post using the "Report To Admin" link provided.
#6311
Self-Help & Recovery / Posts about Harm to Self or Others
November 02, 2014, 07:45:54 PM
Many of our members are depressed at one time or another.  However, we are not professionals and, therefore, are not equipped to counsel anyone in the throes of a suicidal or threatening depression. Suicidal and threatening posts and personal messages are not allowed and will be removed from the boards immediately, and the poster will be encouraged to seek professional assistance in his or her "real life" community. If you are in crisis, you need to reach out to your physician, a suicide hot line or go to the Emergency Department of your local hospital.

One exception to this rule is describing suicidal or self harm thoughts which have happened in the past:

What's OK to post:
  • Descriptions of self harm or suicidal ideation from the past, (e.g. "he said he was going to kill himself" or "I just wanted to end it all")
  • Non-gratuitous descriptions of threats or acts of violence which have occurred in the past

What's not OK to post (post will be removed and the member encouraged to seek professional help):
  • Describing a self-harm or suicidal ideation in the present or future (e.g. "I think he is going to kill himself" or "I just want to end it all")
  • Posts (including humor) describing an ideation or fantasy of violence towards others
  • Discussing or advocating any type of revenge, or ways to harass, hurt, sabotage or get even with petrator(s) of your abuse/neglect or whom you feel may have hurt you.
Any member who reads a post or receives a personal message containing an ideation or threat of violence or self-harm should report the PM or post using the "Report To Moderator" link provided.

Suicide  Resources:

"Befrienders Worldwide" provides emotional support worldwide to prevent suicide - http://www.befrienders.org/

"The International Association for Suicide Prevention" (IASP)  provides information about where to find help around the world http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

"Hot Peach" contains an extensive international inventory of hotlines, shelters, refuges, crisis centers and women's organizations, searchable by country, and domestic violence resources in over 70 languages - http://www.hotpeachpages.net

Self-Injury Resources

"Cutting and Self-Harm: Self-Injury Help, Support and Treatment" - http://www.aaets.org/article206.htm

"Safe Haven" - https://gabrielle.self-injury.net/  This is an online community with an extensive FAQ section about self-injury and a detailed series of pages about recovery from self-injury. There is also a large list of resources for self-injurers.
#6312
Symptoms - Other / Posts about Harm to Self or Others
November 02, 2014, 07:45:19 PM
Many of our members are depressed at one time or another.  However, we are not professionals and, therefore, are not equipped to counsel anyone in the throes of a suicidal or threatening depression. Suicidal and threatening posts and personal messages are not allowed and will be removed from the boards immediately, and the poster will be encouraged to seek professional assistance in his or her "real life" community. If you are in crisis, you need to reach out to your physician, a suicide hot line or go to the Emergency Department of your local hospital.

One exception to this rule is describing suicidal or self harm thoughts which have happened in the past:

What's OK to post:
  • Descriptions of self harm or suicidal ideation from the past, (e.g. "he said he was going to kill himself" or "I just wanted to end it all")
  • Non-gratuitous descriptions of threats or acts of violence which have occurred in the past

What's not OK to post (post will be removed and the member encouraged to seek professional help):
  • Describing a self-harm or suicidal ideation in the present or future (e.g. "I think he is going to kill himself" or "I just want to end it all")
  • Posts (including humor) describing an ideation or fantasy of violence towards others
  • Discussing or advocating any type of revenge, or ways to harass, hurt, sabotage or get even with petrator(s) of your abuse/neglect or whom you feel may have hurt you.
Any member who reads a post or receives a personal message containing an ideation or threat of violence or self-harm should report the PM or post using the "Report To Moderator" link provided.

Suicide  Resources:

"Befrienders Worldwide" provides emotional support worldwide to prevent suicide - http://www.befrienders.org/

"The International Association for Suicide Prevention" (IASP)  provides information about where to find help around the world http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

"Hot Peach" contains an extensive international inventory of hotlines, shelters, refuges, crisis centers and women's organizations, searchable by country, and domestic violence resources in over 70 languages - http://www.hotpeachpages.net

Self-Injury Resources

"Cutting and Self-Harm: Self-Injury Help, Support and Treatment" - http://www.aaets.org/article206.htm

"Safe Haven" - https://gabrielle.self-injury.net/  This is an online community with an extensive FAQ section about self-injury and a detailed series of pages about recovery from self-injury. There is also a large list of resources for self-injurers.
#6313
Dr. Judith Herman, the well known traumatologist who coined the term Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in 1992, wrote about the healing power of community:

Traumatic events destroy the sustaining bonds between individual and community. Those who have survived learn that their sense of self, of worth, of humanity, depends upon a feeling of connection with others. The solidarity of a group provides the strongest protection against terror and despair, and the strongest antidote to traumatic experience. Trauma isolates; the group re-creates a sense of belonging. Trauma shames and stigmatizes; the group bears witness and affirms. Trauma degrades the victim; the group exalts her. Trauma dehumanizes the victim; the group restores her humanity.

Repeatedly in the testimony of survivors there comes a moment when a sense of connection is restored by another person's unaffected display of generosity. Something in herself that the victim believes to be irretrievably destroyed---faith, decency, courage---is reawakened by an example of common altruism. Mirrored in the actions of others, the survivor recognizes and reclaims a lost part of herself.

Herman, J. (1997). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence from domestic abuse to political terror. New York: Basic Books

Why are we here? We are here to harness the power of community, to bear witness to our own trauma and that of our peers, and to connect with one another in a respectful, caring and supportive manner. 
#6314
Therapy / Re: Theraputic Approaches - Descriptions
November 02, 2014, 07:30:29 PM
OK, that's great and I'm wondering if you could watch the thread and if/when you do get some feedback and edit it to your satisfaction can you then post  that to the "Glossary" section perhaps?  I'm not on here much and won't be until Jan so that will "ping" me if I see it there given it doesn't get a lot of traffic other than admin type posts. 

Also, I added a post in the "Glossary" thread about just doing a short description for terms/concepts right now, trimming back even more so we can get a skeleton version up.  At some point some (but not all) of the entries will be linked those to longer versions. For now though a simple definition/description is great. 

So the long and the short of it (nurk, nurk) is that if you or anyone want to write up some terms please let me know in a post under "Glossary" or PM me.

Tks again for all your work on this Cat  :hug:
#6315
Therapy / Re: Theraputic Approaches - Descriptions
November 02, 2014, 07:02:25 PM
We did still need a text about mindfulness Cat, tks so much for writing this up!  It looks good to me although I must admit this is not something I know much about just yet. I certainly want to though as it seems quite useful to recovery.  How about we leave it here for a bit and let folks have a chance to comment?

I'll mention it here and maybe under "Glossary" again,  but I will not be doing much with Glossary except get a starting version uploaded along the top of the page in the next week or so. It will include the short versions of what we have already written, terms which need a write-up period, and quite a few terms which relate to CPTSD and personality disorders and which link to a writeup at Out of the FOG.  At some point the latter writeups may be rewritten so they better reflect CPTSD. Eventually all write-ups will link to longer version than shown on the main page (see OOTF's Glossary http://www.outofthefog.net/Glossary.html)