Menu

Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Show posts Menu

Messages - Kizzie

#6391
General Discussion / Re: Cuddlers
October 15, 2014, 05:28:03 AM
lol.  :thumbup:
#6392
General Discussion / Re: Cuddlers
October 15, 2014, 02:50:36 AM
Er, um ....... well possibly  :blink:
#6393
General Discussion / Re: Cuddlers
October 15, 2014, 02:02:01 AM
Eek, first my squirrely hair and now my reading habits (TB really is such a nice guy to snuggle up with - after my H that is).   
#6394
General Discussion / Re: Building Trust
October 15, 2014, 01:58:42 AM
 :hug: for you Butterfly
#6395
This is an excellent article by Andrew Vach "You Carry the Cure In Your Own Heart" a lawyer and author. May be triggering as it is quite powerful. http://www.vachss.com/av_dispatches/disp_9408_a.html

Here's an excerpt:

Adult survivors of emotional child abuse have only two life–choices: learn to self–reference or remain a victim. When your self–concept has been shredded, when you have been deeply injured and made to feel the injury was all your fault, when you look for approval to those who can not or will not provide it—you play the role assigned to you by your abusers.

It's time to stop playing that role, time to write your own script. Victims of emotional abuse carry the cure in their own hearts and souls. Salvation means learning self–respect, earning the respect of others and making that respect the absolutely irreducible minimum requirement for all intimate relationships. For the emotionally abused child, healing does come down to "forgiveness"—forgiveness of yourself.

How you forgive yourself is as individual as you are. But knowing you deserve to be loved and respected and empowering yourself with a commitment to try is more than half the battle. Much more.

And it is never too soon—or too late—to start.
#6396
Hey Sasha - I didn't actually edit your post, I meant to hit "Quote" and hit "Modify" by mistake - sorry!

Quote from: Sasha2727 on October 14, 2014, 12:29:08 PM
Yesterday the most amazing thing happened I started going through this narrative in my head but it wasn't the normal " rehearsing conversation " it was like I finally understood what my family dynamics did to me on a deeper level and why I feel unsure and shaky. I felt JOY , I smiled for like 10 minutes driving home from work. It dawned on me then that I hadn't smiled due to just being alone in my car in probably a year or more. I think I let go of some repressed emotion! I felt lighter and happier also more present the rest of the night!

Yay you, that's a lot of progress! :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

#6397
General Discussion / Re: Building Trust
October 14, 2014, 06:13:36 PM
Wow Butterfly, this is my NPDM to a "T" - maybe they're long lost sisters lol. It is most definitely NOT paranoid, that's what I thought for years, decades even until I went to OOTF and wow what a validating and eye opening that was.  It may sound paranoid to others if your M is like mine, a seemingly kind, loving -- read "covert/stealthy" NPDM ("Oh she's so sweet and giving, you're so lucky to have an M like her"  Ack). 

We are quite far away from my NPDM now and LC so we don't have the daily worries about this whole biz anymore, but she is currently doing this to my B, fortunately he is NPD too and doesn't seem to notice she has taken over his friends and now his children (his and his wife split up and he has custody).  At least while they're NPDing each other, they're leaving the rest of us alone.

We went NC with my M's side of the fam as she campaigns against us and we just got sick of it.  I didn't even want to go to my F's memorial because I was afraid of how she had portrayed me to them.  We thought it wasn't much loss if those people couldn't figure out for themselves what was going on.

Anyway, it's truly awful I know but please don't ever tell yourself it's you being paranoid -you need "eyes wide open" to deal with PD behaviour and your CPTSD.
#6398
Hi and Welcome to Out of the Storm WhiteCat!  So sorry to hear about all that you have gone through, that ongoing trauma can certainly cause us to freeze for sure.  I would venture to say that by coming here you are ready to thaw a bit - that's a BIG step so kudos to you for having the strength  :applause: and perhaps a little fear.  We understand here, it is simply not easy.

I'd love to hear more about the Bioenergetic therapy when you're comfortable posting about it.  Also, when you're ready if you want to add to the Resources section (books that have been helpful, web sites, other forums), that would be great and it will help you find your way around a bit too. 

If you haven't done so already, would you please read through our Member Guidelines here http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=12.0.

Thanks and again, welcome. I hope you find the information, support and encouragement you need.
#6399
Quote from: Bluevermonter on October 13, 2014, 11:24:39 PM
I have been so sad and ridiculously angry.

A very normal reaction to abnormal and really hurtful behaviour Blue  :hug:

One thing that came to mind when I read your post was if she does does 'dump' people and seemingly without much guilt or remorse, I wonder if perhaps she has a personality discorder rather than CPTSD?  Not diagnosing here, just suggesting a possibility because you did question whether she feels shame or guilt and wrote "There is definitely a "me and only me" aspect to her behavior.  Any conscience?  Beats me . . ."  .  That's classic PD.

Hopefully you've seen on this Board those of us with CPTSD tend to struggle to make connections with others, avoid relationships oftentimes, and then blame and shame ourselves over hurting others when we do end a relationship, and we care very much what others think.  So her behaviour to my untrained eye looks to be more characteristic of a PD than CPTSD imo.  Childhood abuse and neglect underlie PDs as well. Can't remember if you've been over to the Out of the FOG site yet but it may be worth a gander.  http://outofthefog.net/forum/
#6400
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Newbie Hello
October 14, 2014, 05:22:19 PM
 :yeahthat:   :thumbup:
#6401
General Discussion / Re: Cuddlers
October 14, 2014, 03:03:46 AM
Well seeing as we're fessing up, I saw a giant teddy bear at Wal Mart last week and my IC wanted it so I got it.  It filled the enitre shopping cart.  We sat it up in the back seat and put the seat belt on (yes, it's that big) and rolled down the window.  People would look over and start to laugh as we rolled by.  It was a lot of fun  ;D
#6402
Letters of Recovery / Guidelines for Recovery Letters
October 13, 2014, 07:58:46 PM
Guidelines for Writing a Recovery Letter

Write a letter which will help you in one way or another to move forward in your recovery. The letter can be to the perpetrator(s) of your abuse or neglect, to your Inner Child who would so much like to come out of the dark place s/he is hiding, your Inner Critic who is crowding your head and heart with negative messages, or anyone who has touched your life in some fashion. You can write more than one letter. Remember to stay within the board guidelines:

•   Keep it confidential - remember this is the internet so don't include information that will allow anyone to recognize your identity (i.e.,   replace real names with initials or pseudonyms)
•   Be honest and real. Don't sugar-coat it or exaggerate it what you have to say. Try to tell it like it really is/was and how you felt/feel about it.
•   Angering is important but don't dehumanize or resort to degrading put-downs or insults if your letter is to the perpetrator of your abuse or neglect. 

For Those Who Read These Letters of Recovery

Treat each letter with the utmost dignity and respect. This is a sacred place where some very important things are "said" for the first time. There are many tears and years of pain bound within the lines of these letters so we ask that is you respond you:

•   Listen for and validate the original poster's feelings
•   Don't critique the letter or tell the poster what they should have said
•   Don't use this forum for debate or discussion. Use the other forums for that
•   Report any concerns or abuses of this forum
#6403
Checking Out / Quite Busy mid-Oct to end-Dec
October 13, 2014, 06:33:27 PM
Just wanted to let everyone know that work is about to get quite busy for me and that I will not be posting as much.  I will check in daily though to take care of any admin and answer any PMs.
#6404
BHeart (and everyone) I've been giving some thought to what we can do if anything to raise awareness and was just at another forum I am a member of. It's for Social Anxiety Disorder which like CPTSD is a relative newcomer and in need of greater recognition by sufferers themselves but also re compensation, treatment, etc.

Anyway, SAS has a forum devoted to discussing ways of raising awareness and I like the idea of having something like that here very much.  I think the community (OOTS and perhaps at some point  the wider population of people who suffer from CPTSD) would benefit from something along those lines. It would capture and hopefully harness the energy of "the soap box."   ;D
#6405
Tks for the resource Andy - it's wonderful that you have a 'tribe' that you meet up with IRL.  I saw in one of your posts where you mentioned you have Social Anxiety which is a symptom of CPTSD but also common in cases of ongoing bullying (which I guess an adversarial legal system adds up to).  Anyway, there's a site called Social Anxiety Support which is a great resource and support group at http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/.   Ther's a group for us vintage folks here - http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/groups/over-40-crowd-195/.  It's a quiet forum but less of the social angst of teen and 20 something members.