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I had a tough and triggering situation in my teaching career today when, out of the clear blue, 3 administrators, a cop, and a counselor showed up at my classroom door.  Apparently, a student had told her friend (also in the class) that her boyfriend said she should die.  She proceeded to take a lot of pills ( according to her friend anti nausea and anti diarrhea pills, but who knows?) and luckily the friend went to the main office and reported this.  Sadly, nobody informed me of the situation....and it was creepy.  I coteach this class with another person and he helped me evacuate the classroom - we have a vacant room next door, luckily.  So, the class did get to proceed but seeing paramedics haul the student out of my class on a stretcher is a memory I won't be able to forget. 

I am wishing the best for the girl.  She has had major mental stability problems in the past, and I just hope things get easier for her (and that she stops seeing the boyfriend who wants her to off herself).  Thanks for letting me get this off my chest - not the kind of thing I will discuss with my wife.

Boatsailrose-

It sounds as if you really did a great job processing your fears, realizing they were rooted in things that no longer could hurt you, and moving back into your own skin.  That takes a good bit of courage, focus, and hard work.  Congrats on staying with the discomfort and allowing feelings to speak to you!

I love that this thread exists.  I don't dread my birthday but today is my wife's birthday and she shared that her parents never made her feel special on her birthday.  For a few years after we got together she threw herself huge parties - rafting trips, BBQs, outings to baseball games involving 12 or more people.  Then it started to become a smaller event for her.  Now it's just she and I doing something nice and out-of-the-ordinary together.  We are at a mountain resort this weekend. It is very relaxing. 

I think birthdays rock and whatever people decide to do is just fine.  We deserve love, respect, and recognition up to our capacity to enjoy those things.  Some of us are not ready to do so, and that is ok also.  Some go overboard and then find balance (like my wife).  Whatever fits your needs is just fine, I think.

Thank you,everyone, for your compassion and support.  I do feel it and it truly is helping.  My Ncousin did finally call, and I did not let him know I had found out about his brother's death on my own.  After he was finished giving the details, I let him know that I would have liked to have known sooner and would have made the effort to fly back for the services.  He expressed surprise and also let me know how expensive the flight was (but he had some passes so didn't have to pay....it was as if to say that he never thought I could afford to fly back).  He said his Mom was undergoing radiation treatment for lung cancer and was doing poorly and not talking.  He said I should maybe call next week.

Came home and my wife suggested I call Aunt now to express condolences, as she doesn't believe a word of what cousin says.  Sure enough, Aunt answered phone and despite having a bad cold was clear and talkative.  Cousin obviously wanted to make it seem that I didn't care enough to call before the funeral.  So that is resolved.  It obviously is a lot on cousin's plate to be taking Mom for radiation treatments daily but still no excuse for not calling or emailing sooner.  He even told me he has my email....

Anyways, home now and going to spend most of the weekend celebrating my wife's birthday (it's Sunday) and being grateful for such a wonderful support network IRL and here in this online forum.

You obviously don't know me personally and I appreciate your kind comments, especially when you indicate that you think I am a good person.  I think that is true, though I try to be humble.  We really all do the best we can (even to include my Ncousin...he isn't yet ready to face his demons....). 

Many blessings to my online friends, and many thanks for your support.

Thanks.  I did text but no answer.  Found the obit on my own...it is the brother of the cousin who left the msg.  I definitely would have gone back for the funeral but it's tomorrow and flights are too expensive at the last minute - it's 2,000 miles away - so I'm hurt that I wasn't informed sooner.  He died last Sunday.

I dislike this type of drama.  I will post condolences online, send flowers, and write a letter to my Aunt (mother of deceased) as she is a really nice lady.  Don't want her thinking I don't care. If my Ncousin had informed me of his brother's death more promptly I could have gone back.

I am not on Facebook.  This is for two reasons. As a teacher, I simply don't want to even have to think about running the risk of having students peek into my private life nor do I want to refuse to "friend" high schoolers endlessly.  Second reason is that I'm an only child and am not really wanting to open my life up to far-away cousins for their amusement...I have felt very judged by my Father's side of the family for many years (and when my once-closest cousin told me my Father called me a "*" for not wanting to hang out with him....well that kind of cemented it).

Here is the problem:  the same cousin referenced above tried to call me yesterday and left no message other than that I needed to call back.  I think there is a death in the family.  His cell phone voicemail box is full so I can't leave a message for him...I feel disconnected and the not-knowing part of who may have passed away is stressing me out.  I'm sure the rest of the family, being on Facebook, knows what's happened. I hope cousin and I connect soon.

Finding a balance between privacy and availability is sure a tricky thing...

Woodsgnome-

I'm in a bit of a rush this minute but do want to check the site out - many thanks for bringing it to our attention! 

By way of trading ideas - check out a site called SafeSpaceRadio - excellent podcasts dealing with all sorts of key ideas we Cptdsers can use - I listened to one this morning dealing with the relationships between guilt, shame, loneliness, and humiliations.  It was the May 18th podcast.

Wow - you have done a whole lot of processing, self soothing, and reframing!  Great job with all of it! 

Coral reef-

Oh yes, I can relate to what you are saying.  I go from high to low functioning a lot, depending upon my triggers and probably also body chemistry and such.  I have known about my CPTSD for aboutb18 months and just recently began letting myself feel some things that I resisted in the past. Some of them are things that happen in my current situation, others must be echoes from the past. Today I do feel pretty lost and sad.  My therapist only sees me very occasionally but I am allowed to email as often as I want, and lately that has been at least once per day.

So hang in there, knowing that you are not alone. This really is a journey, and feeling lost and confused really is part of it. There are also bright and lovely parts where stuff suddenly clicks and we can be fully present.

Thanks for participating in this forum.

Thank you, BeHealthy.  I agree that numbness is the problem.  We see sad stories on the news each day but only truly feel the sorrow when our lives have somehow been touched by those who are hurt or killed.  The young man whom was killed last weekend had hopes of becoming an engineer, and I remember him as a fun loving and sweet boy. 

Thanks for the lovely compliment regarding my daily work, as well.  In many ways, students get me up and out of my own inner turmoil and they will never know how grateful I am to have them in my life.

Be well.

 

Thank you, Indigochild.  I don't feel it is a trigger for me personally but it sure hurts to lose someone so young.

Appreciate your response.

Hi-

Just processing a difficult thing and reaching out a bit here.  One of my former high school students was shot and killed at a party last weekend.  I did not know him as well as I have some kids but immediately recognized him as one of mine when his picture flashed on the television.  Too soon and too tragic a way for this young man to pass.  Such a violent world we live in.  I am at least glad that the Universe allows me to reach out and offer some support and encouragement to young folks each day.  It helps me feel better and eases the pain of such awful tragedies.

Thanks for letting me share.  Other than overindulging in food yesterday I am doing pretty well.  Just very sad.  Off to the gym now.

I do hope you slept, and awoke to the knowledge that you deserve every bit as much love and compassion as others in this world.  Give some to yourself, if you can.  It's a great place to begin 💜.

You matter.  The actions you took to protect your younger siblings matter.  Being on your own side in this situation is tough sledding but you sound like you are getting there.  Dr. JDog prescribes self compassion and plenty of it.

Take two big doses and write back in the morning.