Messages

Thanks killingGiants  Hope we can kill some giants on the way!

bazou... It's common, unfortunately all sorts of abuse, even the minor ones that still leave scars are still regarded as common and acceptable in most cultures. Even if there are groups of people saying "That isn't right", you'll have people doing whatever they want inside their own homes. Therapists are no different, they will think what was taught to them to think. I think we're moving past that, with the newer generations, or at least I hope so.

Ahah Candid. Yeah, I can't really afford to have more explosions. It's been my go-to mechanism for years, I'm sorta known for having an explosive personality  I don't like that, it's more reactive than pro-active if you know what I mean, I prefer my calm self, now that I've met me lol

But yeah, vigorous exercise and screaming to the pillow it's a given sometimes 

Oh man, that's harsh. And very unlucky.

I went through a couple myself. I'm currently doing a mix of therapies with my therapist, CBT/Construtivism and other stuff he finds useful, which is good because it's not locked into one position. I was lucky to find this therapist, I had sworn off therapists for years.

The last one was set on not helping me at all, we kept playing the blame game and no actual help in focusing on the problems. Probably because I wasn't really into it, either, we need to be open too right? It was psychoanalysis so the focus was on what my fault was, I was fresh out of my teen years and needed more structure than actually just sit with cries for help one after the other with no conclusion. I couldn't afford him anymore and stopped going altogether. He called me a few years later asking how I was, but I never really got if he really understood the source of the problem. I wasn't in a good place either, other mental issues started to arise then.

Hi sorrygirl  Yes, that's the goal. My homework now is to not let my self be angry, because it's a protective anger to the child inside that is hurt, and allow myself to feel the sadness.

The only progress I made so far is getting watery eyes lol... I will get there, I hope.

Thanks for the reply.

Hey bazou  Thank you, good vibes back!

I feel your pain, Candid. It's my first time actually, I had given up on calling it abuse actually, I just thought "well, all families are dysfunctional". Actually, it was a surprise for me to hear the word abuse, tears came to my eyes.

What sort of therapy do you do?

Hey all, this is my second post here so hi to whoever I haven't met yet

I've been doing a mix of CBT/Construtivism/Humanistic therapy for more than a year now for my several disorders, and it's been working great.

About a month and a half ago one of my abusers in life (there were several - revictimization is strong in me) tried to sneak back into my life, huge trigger of course, I couldn't get out of the house except to go to my therapist or psychiatrist, it's a bit better now, but I'm still a bit shakey.

While confronting the demons, my psychiatrist noticed a pattern and communicated with my therapist that I probably have cPTSD, who in turn made me see the abuse I've experienced as a child as abuse and not something natural. I used to say that I was abused, but no one ever believed me and my abusers always lied so I gave up long ago for any justice, and I'm now okay with it.

I came back "home" to live with one of my abusers, mostly neglect and emotional abuse during my childhood, and it's difficult for me to actually feel anything more than anger, then misfired anger to things that aren't important.

My therapist is using a good method that has worked wonders for me so far called the Dialogical Self, look it up if you're interested. Between a multiplicity of selves, I have a self that is injured, and a protective self that is angry all the time, and my own self that is compassionate and forgives my abusers that no longer have a hold on me, because I developed ways to protect myself.

The thing is, I can't cry. I can't feel my vulnerable and hurt self/child for more than a few moments at a time, on which my eyes water up but no tears come out. My therapist says I've disconnected with her, and I do dissociate when confronted with a situation where she has to come out.

My homework for the week is not to let my angry protective self get in the way, and it's working so far. I feel more balanced and with more appropriate responses to things. But always afraid I'm going to explode.

It's like I've woken from a dream that I didn't know I was in. Someone finally realized what happened and is now listening to me, and for that alone I'm thankful.

Thank you for reading, I guess I just want to know if this is normal.

Thanks L, for the welcome and welcome you too  I will look for that book, seems interesting, thank you!

Hey Candid, thank you!

CPTSD is very commonly misdiagnosed as all sorts of things -- which might explain why all your mental disorders feel "under control" with yesterday's breakthrough.

I will take a look at Pete Walker's website, thank you. You misunderstood me, the other disorders were already undercontrol. It's on the table between me and my docs that all my anxiety disorders stem from the CPTSD, so they're not exactly misdiagnosis, just different symptoms of different things. But hey, what matters for me it's the symptoms, not exactly the labels. Fortunately I'm able to manage my symptoms pretty well, and the compulsions and obsessions cleared with hard work!  The lingering anxiety is still here unfortunately...

Hey Blueberry, thank you for the warm welcome It does take a lot of strenght. Since yesterday it's like I woke up from a dream and finally someone believes me, my therapist (I go to other mental health forums, don't know how we might call therapists here) was very adamant in me recognizing the signs of abuse in our last session. We work with different things but now we have a therapeutic approach that is working really well, and I'll stick to it.

Thanks again for the warm welcome.

Hi everyone, Blackbird here. The one from the Beatles song 

So, I have a bunch of mental disorders, the most focal point being Bipolar, GAD and, recently in remission, OCD. I was diagnosed with PTSD from past abusive relationships, until yesterday a breakthrough in therapy made me and my therapist realize it's probably CPTSD from my childhood. A lot of blocked memories and memory gaps in between years. All my mental disorders are under control at the moment, I had a recent PTSD trigger when an abusive ex tried to get back into my life, but that solved itself out with medication and lots of therapy that led to that moment yesterday.

The thing is, I actually live with my mother that emotionally abused me for all my life, along but differently than my deceased father, and I have no way of getting out now, no money, no job, no college degree, nothing. My past is a train wreck that I'm now recovering from, and it's a long way to go until I'm fully ready to get back out there. Still have a long way to go, but I'm patient and have a good support system in place with my doctors, and my recovery has been solid and reasonably resilient.

My abuser is older now and doesn't have a hold on me. I can affirm my boundaries, which I already did before I understood I was actually emotionally abused and gaslighted. The sad part about all this is that the gaslighting worked so well, because I actually did have a psychotic episode, did land in the hospital screaming that they abused me, and no one believes me now. So I feel lonely, hence coming here and trying to connect with people who've been through something similar.

Hoping to get to know you better,
Cheers!