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Messages - SE7

#31
Quote from: sanmagic7 on May 05, 2017, 11:53:57 PM
an 'ef', or emotional flashback is what c-ptsd people go through as compared to the visual/audio flashbacks of people suffering from ptsd.  it you type in pete walker, emotional flashbacks, you'll get to his excellent responses about c-ptsd and ef's, and how to get ourselves thru them.   sorry, i don't have the link.  3 roses does.  but i found it by looking for pete walker.  there are great explanations from him.

the mind-body connection i have found to be invaluable, and am doing more positive self-talk now to my brain, re-wiring it, allowing more and healthier connections to form.  i got that idea from the movie 'a beautiful mind'.  what that guy did with his schizophrenic companions was inspirational to me.  mind over brain.  it works.

keep going.  i think you're doing really well in a very bad situation.  holding your hand till you don't need it anymore.  big hug.

thanks much sanmagic7. I ended up buying the Kindle book on CPTSD by Pete Walker. It looks amazing, I skimmed through some last night.
I definitely have been having one long horrendous emotional flashback, for sure! I keep reminding myself "It's not your fault, it's because you had a broken foundation" ... this is helping me silence the inner critic/punisher.

that is a good explanation too, the emotional component vs. visual/auditory.

I've often joked around about my 'crossed wires' ... I try also to tell myself that 'good is good, bad is bad, and I only want the good' ... because in my crossed-wire brain I have often lived like the opposite.
#32
Quote from: Three Roses on May 06, 2017, 04:47:03 AM
This one?
https://www.psychotherapy.net/article/complex-ptsd

:wave:

Thanks Three Roses, I printed it out and plan to read closely :)
#33
Quote from: sanmagic7 on May 04, 2017, 11:49:25 PM
there's an exercise i learned, very simple, very powerful.  have someone raise an arm to shoulder height and say to themselves, 'i can keep my arm up.'  when you push down on it at the wrist with 2 fingers, it's strong and won't budge.

same or different arm, raise it, but this time say to themselves 'i should keep my arm up'.  then, push down on their wrist with 2 fingers.  usually, there is no resistance at all, and the arm goes down immediately.

just that one word 'should' and the connotations behind it strip us of our power.  the mind is indeed mightier than the body.   this can be used with all sorts of words, like 'can't', 'i wish i could hold my arm up', etc.  the messages we tell ourselves make all the difference.


hey sanmagic7, so glad you mentioned this arm thing ... it REALLY helped me notice the 'inner critic' problem I have, which is probably my absolute worst symptom from narc. abuse syndrome/CPTSD.

This prompted me to print out a list I have of cognitive distortions and I want to go over it and see what is broken in my psychology.

I've noticed that in the areas of health & finances, where I was abused the most psychologically, this is where I am most frozen right now. I am working on fixing & rebuilding my broken foundation so that I have a chance of moving through those areas. I am so tired of having goals related to health and career but not being able to complete because of this fractured foundation. Starts with my thoughts and emotions.

This may be going off on a tangent for this post topic, but it is related to the whole health/diet thing for sure (at least for me!) Thanks all :)
#34
Hi sanmagic 7, thanks for your reply (and the hand).

What is an 'ef'? I don't know all the terminology just yet, because I've only recently discovered my decades of problems are part of narcissistic abuse syndrome including CPTSD (I am diagnosing myself, as I think I know myself pretty well at this point).

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching since my last post here.

Starting to realize this syndrome is coming from internalized punishment that I inflict on myself all the time without even realizing it. It is coming to the surface again that my internal self-talk is very critical, pressuring and harsh. I guess I have internalized a lot of the covert psychological abuse, and all the inferences of their manipulations.

You REALLY helped me with your post in the other thread about the 'should' vs. the 'can' and the holding down the arm. WOW.
That is a reminder of what I learned long ago when I had been using CBT for my anxiety to dispute my thoughts/beliefs.

I'll go take a look at what you write and reply more there. And yes, BREATHE ... I have a necklace shaped in a shield with a scripture on it, that could be like your stone, I think I'll go put it on. Thanks :)
#35
Hi, I explained a bit of my background in the Symptoms section (adulthood) under Feeling Frozen post ...

This site looks great and I would also like to get that Pete book.

From YouTube channels I have learned a lot in the past few months about NPD and the effects of the psychological abuse on people like me. My abuse was/is "covert" (except for the verbal attacks from my father occasionally) so the parents only appear like normal beings on the surface, but my general feeling is they destroyed the core selves of me and my sibling.

It's nice to find a forum that is more focused on us ... even though YouTube has been great for learning & camaraderie.

I am pretty sure I suffer from this CPTSD, it describes well many years of chronic problems and answers the question "WHAT is WRONG with me???" that I've asked myself too often.

My current dilemma is (yet again) finding a job and a home, this time while stuck in the abusers' home. Like I said, on the surface, they would appear as decent people to outsiders, but my sibling and I confirm to each other that all is very un-well here.

My syndrome presents mostly as being avoidant, isolated, and major issues coping with people -- especially those who represent some form of "authority" .. hence the issues I have with finances, health and employers. Basically every foundational aspect of life. Also: anxiety and depression, and for several months after losing my home, had panic attacks.

Okay! That's about enough for now, thanks everyone for being here :)

#36
I've had many moments like that, wanting EVERYTHING .. for me it comes from trying to gain back control of food since my narc. parents were (and still are) health nuts to the absolute extreme. I was often deprived in high school and developed an eating disorder (compulsive overeating) in college. I have been known to swing from all-out junk food to health food because of this. It's a battle I know very well.

I find it helps me now to cook for myself and prepare things in a way that pleases ME. Add nice spices & flavors, make dishes look appealing, etc.
I subscribed to Dashing Dish website to give me recipes which are amazing because they replicate a lot of favorites but in a healthy way. I also learned that deprivation doesn't get me anywhere. I try to have SOMETHING around that makes me feel happy, even if it's just some chocolate.

I also recently started taking Almased for weight loss. It helps diabetics which I'm not, but I have another condition that requires balanced eating so I think it will work for me. Shakes with protein powder, almond milk, vanilla flavorings, stevia, (sometimes fruit) and ice, coconut/olive oils, peanut butter help A LOT!
#37
AD - Emotional Dysregulation / Feeling "frozen"
May 04, 2017, 11:29:24 PM
I am the adult daughter of 2 narcissist parents. I knew codependency was an issue since my late 20s and only became aware of the narcissism a few months ago now in my mid-40s. I suspect the mother also has some other personality disorder, maybe borderline.

I lost my home and then my job 10 days later (events unrelated) ... 6 months ago.
I was forced to move back with my parents because I had nowhere else to go.

I have been in a state of emotional paralysis for the past 4 months, after 2 months of panic attacks (resulting from a narcissist landlord, the reason I had to leave my home).
I am close to running out of money, and yet I'm so "frozen" that I have made little progress. Being around my parents at this stage of my life is really rough.

Does anyone else have experience with this? I've heard of a fight, flight or freeze response, and I suspect that after too many years of fight/flight, I am now frozen because I just can't take anymore trauma or drama in my life. I have been unable to take the normal actions that normal people take to move their life to the next level.

My foundation was already broken being raised by 2 narcissists, and the on/off unemployment & homelessness is just more stress than I can take. I was homeless for 2 years starting 5 years ago when my parents refused to help me & 'taught me a lesson' letting me get evicted. This was only 1.5 yrs after being in the hospital for a life-threatening autoimmune disorder.

How to get out of this emotional state and be able to move forward??? Where do I get the motivation?
Thanks