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Messages - LittleBirdy

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Going Low/No Contact with Abusers / Should I tell them? Advice please!
« on: January 09, 2018, 03:40:41 AM »
So Iím moving into a college dorm for the first time in about two weeks and Iím debating on whether or not to tell my roommate(s) (they wonít tell me who Iím living with for another 24 hours aahhh!) about having CPTSD. The reason Iím debating it is because I have anxiety habits that may be seen as odd to an outsider. For example, whenever i have a horrific nightmare, I will get up and lock the door. There have been times my bf said I did this and I dont even remember. I just donít want to get a reputation of being crazy you know? So I donít know if itís best to bite the bullet and tell them because of my inexplicable behaviors or to just not say anything and then they get frustrated with me because they donít know why I do these things.  ???

Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Things got ugly...(tw)
« on: January 03, 2018, 04:35:17 AM »
 :stars: so the day after Christmas things got so bad I had to call the cops...Iím fine, had a sprained finger but it healed. Iím just so frustrated because things were getting better but now I just feel vacant, like Iím in a constant state of dissociation. He apologized which is something thatís never happened but I just donít believe he is truely sorry. The cops suggested family therapy. Does that actually help? So thankful for my bf he has been so supportive throughout all of this mess. Iím just so frustrated, I was really starting to improve with my CPTSD symptoms and now I feel like Iím back at square one. Now I have to go about my life like I had a great holiday break and everything is ok but itís not and Iím not. 2 more weeks till i move into college... :fallingbricks:

Christmas & New Years / Horrible Christmas...Again...(TW)
« on: December 26, 2017, 04:51:20 AM »
So for the past week or so Iíve had the flu. It has been awful and has made me miserable. We had to reschedule Christmas because naturally none of my relatives want to get sick.  Then, this morning I woke up feeling significantly better. I thought it must be a Christmas miracle! So I got up and opened presents that my mom got me and we were so happy and excited. Then my dad came down and was in a bad mood, apparently upset because I got significantly more presents than him (but he never says what upsets him we have to guess) Things just went south from there. Iíve been so sad all poor mother is disabled and works two jobs and does so much. She looks foreword to Christmas every year it makes her so happy. After all these years I canít understand how someone could be so cruel. I just feel so lonely...a type of lonely Iíve never truely felt. My phone has been pretty quiet today besides the generic ďMerry Christmas!Ē And i know thatís because theyíre with their families and happy like everyone should be. I also donít want to tell all this to my bf because just because my day was ruined doesnít mean his should be too. I canít wait until I donít have to live like this anymore....:(

General Discussion / Re: Psychiatrist Laughed at me...
« on: December 10, 2017, 04:12:57 PM »
Iím sorry to hear this. She doesnít sound like she was acting very professionally. Anyone else you can see for meds?
Yes, but i have to wait about a month or so :/

General Discussion / Psychiatrist Laughed at me...
« on: December 10, 2017, 12:27:00 AM »
I'm so mad, I needed new medication so I went in for my appointment as usual. She began asking me about my back story and I said I was and still am to a degree abused. She asked what kind and I said mostly psychological (as in verbal/emotional etc) Then she snickered and said "So what, you think you were abused just because you were yelled at?" I became defensive so I told her I was also physically abused and it was only then that she took me seriously. The reason I don't usually talk about that is because the physical abuse only happened when things got really bad; but the emotional/verbal and whatnot was pretty much daily. It just makes me so mad that a mental health professional could say something like that! I felt so invalidated and that was triggering because my feelings were constantly being invalidated and deemed unimportant growing up.  ugh... :fallingbricks:

General Discussion / Bad Dreams
« on: May 17, 2017, 02:35:02 AM »
These past few weeks I've had bad dreams every night, some worse than others. Last week I had a dream where my boyfriend was telling me that I shouldn't complain about my childhood because his was worst than mine. Now this is something he wouldn't ever even think of saying to me! He even apologized when I told him about it! That is how caring he is towards me that he feels guilty that the dream version of him said something mean. With this being said, I think the dream has two meanings that I am aware of. He too was abused in his childhood, but he was physically abused mostly while I was mostly emotionally abused. I know you can't compare two situations, and consciously I make an effort not to. But whenever I complained about things that bothered me as a child, I was invalidated. I was told that I had a good life and that other children had it worst and was shut down, so I feel as though I do that to myself now. Also, I have this fear that someday he won't be nice to me anymore and he'll abuse me too and I'll be trapped in a lifetime of abuse. Does anyone have any advice on how I can overcome these feelings?

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