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Hi all
I haven't been on the forum for a a fair ol while. Nice to see the new layout it's great and v user friendly.
I just wanted to share about 12 recovery for adult children.
AC0A stands for adult children of Alcoholics. But the part that isn't always obvious it's for anyone who identifies as coming from a dysfunctional family of origin.
After 7 yrs of various trauma therapy I then started going to Acoa and I just love it. The fellowship has been going for over 30 yrs and has a wealth of online meetings. I've been doing a loving parent workbook grp and am integrating my inner children and my loving parent in a way that is miraculous and really providing such security for my inner world and living daily life. There also ways to work the steps and use the tools.
I'll post a link to the website for anyone that may be interested. There are various kinds of meetings and literature.
https://adultchildren.org/

Having a chronic physical health condition. M. E cfs and fibromyalgia.
When I. Go into a flare up ( they can last wks) I get v triggered. I feel unsafe vulnerable, lonely and a lot of shame.
My anxiety is through the roof.

Like having a chronic condition isn't enough!

Love it!! 💗

 :cheer:Thats great Narc!
Such fun...
I'm amazed at how many shades of colour are in a 120 set..
My inner girl is leaping with joy 

Ah i see kizzie under preview..
Thanks!
Hope u doing ok

Not sure how to attach a pic?

I just bought 120 amazing coloured pencils artist quality..
Star joy - gold

Thank u all... I appreciated your responses...
I forgot to say so

So good to hear of others that cut ties

I've had 2 people I know recently get in touch and say ' said person ' is really not well..
I'm pleased I put a boundary in and said I can't hear it. Well one person I didn't respond to the other I said this too.
She totally understood

Thanks both
It's been quite a few days, processing  the emotion and thinking.
Big
I went through the pics saved the ones that I felt to in my heart and binned the rest.
Last nite I wrote a concise to the point letter ... Basically I didn't permit my new address to be passed on and that no new post is to arrive. If it does it will be straight in the bin.... I commit to myself this.
I addressed it to her name rather than m.

Today I got in touch with the realisation that this is the final letting go. I realize I've been holding on by threads ' fantasizing for a future time.
No
My inner little girl has been upset we've been comforting her.

It's over... No more..
I value the self worth and self love I've grown too much....

I'm 50 now it's time.

I'm not wrong I'm right
I'm not weak I'm strong
I'm not strong I'm weak
I deserve gentle ness

Keep clear in the knowing
Don't let any threads seep in

Bpd is a serious mental disorder
Dangerous
Destroying

But you've survived my girl all the older selves have carried you through each stage of the way.

We're here now on safe ground, growing and healing..
Keep in the sane
Keep in the light

Hi all
It's been quite sometime since I've been here.
I do hope u are doing ok
I'm grateful your here!

So, I'm NC with my m unless she sends a card in the post etc.
She gets my addresses from my grandma s book, I assume.
I received a package just before my 50th 2 wks ago.. Contained lots of photos of family ansestory on the maternal side. I don't feel much connection with them.

This Saturday just gone I received another package this time it has had / having a big impact.
Copies of photos of my baby book, baby photos, infant. Copious amounts of pics of cards I sent to ' mummy ' when younger.
Photos of my dad and his mum when young . And then more of me through different ages up to young adult.

It's had a big effect on me which has come as a surprise. I'm pretty healed but clearly there's always room for a bit more.

I have mixed feelings. I'm glad to get some of the pics, some not and I feel intruded on that she has got my new address.
She sent a note ' you probabely don't want these but I was sorting through and sent them.
Which equates to ' I'll do what I want because I want a relationship with u so I can eat you alive   .

I shall give myself time to decide if I write to her and say I do not want her to have my address or send me anything.
Or if I resume to ok let her send the odd card ignore.
The later is probably the easiest.

She wrote on the back of some of the pics. One when I was a baby said ' you look well looked after ' .
A dig at ' see I was a good mother ' .

Also all the cards seem to be to give the message of ' you did love me ' .
Yes I did until it was all poisoned and killed off.

Ho hum...

I need to keep remembering she is not at all of sound mind and so not to enter or get tangled in any of it.

I've just been through all the pics. I threw a lot away and kept those I feel I want to...

She's 70 now maybe she feels  last chance saloon is here.

I feel so grateful for the last 7 yrs of various therapies and now am in ACA.
Really connected to my inner family and my loving parent.

One day this will all be over and she will be passed on....

Freedom now is a great thing x

Armee
I'm so grateful you have shared your experience with me . Thank you .
Really helps me not feel so unstable .
It's good to hear they have gone away for you ! Hopeful .
Yes , that's been my realisation  this wk .
To stay with and process what ever feelings I'm going through with the current event , person etc . The thoughts are a distraction . It however is a cycle when the feelings are causing anxiety and then the thoughts ramp up and get more anxiety ..that's when the real distress comes in total overwhelm almost panic attack and the '  I want out thoughts ' .

Tonight I was having feelings of loneliness and failure leading to turning in on myself . I stayed with the feelings and really allowed whatever wanted to come up come up. There was a barrage of ' your useless, worthless waste of space etc and an image of hitting my head ' . I stayed with it felt it all and then it all stopped and the original ' thoughts went to ....

I feel pleased with this new ability to stay with ...

Hi cactus
The consultant mentioned
Prazosin as a possible ...do u experience any side effects with it ?

Thank you for sharing
Kizzie
Cactus
Chaos
And
Armee
Really helps me to not feel so alone with this 🌺

Hi kizzie
Good to hear you 
Thank u for connecting
God it's a long road isn't it ..stress such a factor for us .
I just had a really good conversation with a friend who is an ex therapist .
It's an interesting one as they aren't self harm thoughts per se ( absolutely no desire / intent . She just helped me to connect that it really is from the original incident . Often they can morph and not be totally true to the incident details . It's the feelings and when I get triggered I'm so focused on the images / feeling of it that I don't connect it's the original freeze and that I need to rescue her . She was talking about processing the feelings with the teenager . Which feels really right .
I'm gonna take it to the psychologist . Maybe we can use that with the EMDR . I Def don't feel I need to go back to the original event per se as I didn't process that . It's more in the here and now .
Will still speak to the consultant about meds ...
I feel done with this 3.5 yrs ...

How are u doing ?

Hi
My cptsd symptoms really ramped up 3 yrs ago with the stress of leaving my career . At first they were to do with an original trauma event fr teen yrs and then the thoughts turned in on me .
When I experience high stress they come back which is a lot of the time .
They are v distressing .
I've been having EMDR and feel the original event was processed . However the thoughts continue in the daily as I have high stress situations in my life . I spoke with the psychologist today and with my current chronic physical health she wonders if I have the resources to continue EMDR with the current mental symptoms ... I tend to agree with her .
I've been thinking about medication for a long time and am at the place where I'm like ' just give me something , I just need it to stop' . I'm awaiting a review with the consultant .

I'm already on reasonable dose of SSRI citalopram ( called something else in the states .
When I read about medications for PTSD it often mentions SSRI . Thing is I've tried many for depression and couldn't get on with them .

I'd be interested to hear what medications are helping people with flashback / obsessive intrusive thoughts .
Mine are along the SH line ( although I'm not a self harmer in that way and don't intend to be .

Many thanks