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Messages - Boatsetsailrose

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So glad to hear where u are - made me happy reading it
And yes it makes perfect sense

Hello yes Am def a hsp -
Nature -water- meditation and quiet all help me -
Incense and rose

I always have felt I am on a different frequency  - I am very sensitive to spiritual life and that is a gift I feel -

Textures smells art and colour are all so magnificent to me -

Love is wonderful but pain is v hard  :sadno:

Thank u for the thread :) x

Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Learning to feel loved
« on: May 07, 2015, 06:27:15 PM »

Hello I would like to share a link with you

I haven't explored it much yet but I am drawn to the exercises inc mindfullness

All best wishes (love ootf ) x

Recovery Journals / Re: JDog's Journal
« on: May 07, 2015, 10:56:34 AM »
Thank u for sharing
I too am in a time of becoming aware of the poor self concept and critical voice in my head - waking up to it is alarming yet good - hopeful -

I am now seeing a therapist who specialises in child trauma and she is v good -
Healthy dependence not sue if it is truly classed as co dependence  as the compliance element is to do withy own growth -
I like her a lot it is very much adult t adult and I resect and need that at this point in my recovery
I've relied on therapists a lot of my adult life - and thank god for that -

I liked what u said about coming out of the cocoon - it's a good good feeling really sensing a place of newness and life

It's been a long road - would I want to do it again - * no !!
But then I don't have to :)

Hi  :wave:

Me too - cptsd is the only thing that fits and makes perfect sense and hope !!
I feel so grateful for all the work that has been done so far -

I've had lots of therapy over the yrs and now am seeing someone who specialises in child trauma - she is v good and I don't have to pay for the 1st time !  :hug:

Good luck on the recovery journey sailing towards who we were meant to be a day at a time

My 12 step programme has taught me to work with acceptance - acceptance of my experience -
Pushing myself and trying so hard to over come my emotional world often has the opposite effect -

And fear yes. - I may fail something but all I can do is my best with what I have - work is important but not as much as my health and Ive worked to put me first - and my limitations

There is a drive in me to push it harder - go quicker and --- exhaust myself so all I can do is nothing -

Middle ground

When fear turns to terror I know I have not been in that middle ground - that inc all sorts of things

The worst that can happen is I fail or don't match my high expectations and if that happens we'll then I'm human just like everyone else

Best wishes and breathe

You didn't deserve any of it - this is the truth
Shame is a hard thing ( I still suffer from it ) but having someone around who is damaging now is not an option for me ..
In some ways I have learnt to live alone and actually I can see now that I've needed time to be alone and I did feel lonely but I also had some time to heal and learn that I take care of me -
The past few months I seem to be coming out of it a bit and carefully coming out of my room and looking around in the world -

my therapist points to me being compassionate to my self and this is something that of course doesn't come naturally as the default setting is - to beat myself inside but am learning -

I believe that any of us can heal and become the person we were meant to be - it requires the right support and having people who can work with us therapeutically in the right way to help us heal -

What does your therapist say about the social phobia - ?

I am quite new here - but so grateful that we can support each other and find out how to heal and move in our recovery

Best wishes

Thank you  :wave:

Thank u for this post - I really like the make inner critic into a cartoon character - and am going to try this

I never found the getting angry with it works - getting angry and processing yes
 My inner critic is so damaging and isolating

Here is a link I have been meaning to look at

Really need to post tonight and very grateful for this forum and people just like me (in terms of this stuff..

I am getting to see so clearly my need to have people like me and my need for attention.. 'what about me!! Is a common voice I hear inside myself lately ..  :pissed:
It feels good though - that I can hear that part of me (addiction free) and that I get to be something different to get my needs met...
Neg auto thoughts I get a lot are 'they don't like me' and I feel such shame for being me - but I put on a jokey front - to get attention-
I am learning to be vulnerable (a little at a time) eye contact and sharing a little of me and my life - so others can see who I am - it's scarey but it feels good
I want to be parented by people - I think that's what it is - for others to include me - nurture me - and I'm getting to see how relating is a two way thing ( I used to be too over caring for others -

The other thing I'm struggling with is critical thinking of my partner - he just isn't good enough on any level (according to my head ) and tonight I had a realisation that that voice is my mothers to my father - the fundamental message is - 'you don't make me feel whole ' and of course no one does until we feel whole ourselves -

I am so grateful to be able to write this evening and share -
It's been such a long journey but I really see am making progress -
Getting my needs met both internally and in relationships - new ground to a new life xx

General Discussion / Re: Recovery thought for the day
« on: April 29, 2015, 08:16:56 PM »
Good stuff :)

Hi there I can v much relate to your foo - I don't have anymore suggestions to help u deal - as I am now nc for 7 yrs for me when I got to the point of thinking of causing physical harm to m I knew it was time to go nc for both her and myself - I have now done a lot of work through 12 step programmes and feel I have 'let go with love' . I wish her the best and don't feel anger like I used to - she was sick and I am getting well - if I could have a relationship with her ( however small ) I would but history says the injury is too great for her and I - harm to me is not a place I am willing to be in anymore -
With my dad I have a v boundaried and limited relating - I still carry anger towards him and that is work still to be done-
I have nc with brother - he was the favoured child and despite my efforts over the trs to love and have a relationship with him when I atopped bothering there was no relationship -
How I feel today - in many respects moved on - it's me and my recovery that is the forefront -
Being scapegoat is no easy place to be - I still have much to work on in spite of foo removed fr my situation -
How do people cope when still having relationships with such disfuctional / ill people? I do not know - when I read of people staying in touch because of siblings I can feel what a difficult place that is -
Is it possible to heal and be in touch ? I know for me is wasn't - but of course I can't say my way is the only way -
Being around an abuser and not getting further affected - is something that I can't get my head around - can we really reach a place where we are not affected ?
I am damaged - after 20 yrs of work - there is progress ( especially last 5 yrs - but work to do ( of course
I feel happy where I am at in my recovery - and feel I've got the best chances - to really start to grow as the person I was always meant to be not the person I was created by a monster -
Freedom is my best gift -

Rrecovery - so beautifull thank you for sharing x  :hug:

Introductory Post / Re: Hard to get started
« on: April 28, 2015, 12:56:15 PM »

Introductory Post / Re: Hard to get started
« on: April 25, 2015, 09:22:14 PM »
Hi johnboy
I am fairly new here too  :wave:
I agree it is both liberating and somewhat shocking that there are so many of us - it feels good to have such a place to come and share and learn about our recovery .
I am 42 on Monday and yes it has been a long and both up and down journey - I feel I am making some good headway now - with the right support hope and re covery to the life we were meant to live are so very possible-
I too took time off work after things hit bottom again - but now I work a 4 day week ( as a nurse) and it helps to keep life balance in check-
Have 5 yrs clean and sober and now have found recovery for eating which I am so grateful for -
Also recently started seeing a child trauma therapist via nhs and she is helping such a lot to educate me -
Self hatred is something I am now facing ( haven't been ready until now -
Starting to see and feel that there is a possible life for me after mental health is the most hopeful place I have ever been in -
For anyone I suggest researching and getting the right help - it's unfortunate but my experience is I've had to almost be my own expert to get the help And a forum like this is such a good resource -
I wouldnt be here today if it wasn't for the support I've received -
Hope and recovery is always there it just is looking in the right place that can be a task -
Best wishes to you ...

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