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Messages - Boatsetsailrose

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Can't seem to calm these days... Ongoing flashback?
Started with contact with my f and me telling him I've been referred to cfs clinic.. His response 'hope its not serious and then continued to talk about his holiday..
This isnt an unusual response for him but it really affected me.
I'm developing a calm down box so I'm pleased about that and it will be a good aid and comfort for me..

Hi sj
Thanks for your post and all the research and info..
I'm still awaiting the referral process..
Yes agree so many underlying issues present as cfs... I don't feel it stems from no where.
I'm due to see the medic tomor to talk about HRT as my estrogen is v low. A women I was speaking to said she was peri menopausal and had all the symptoms of cfs..
Glad to hear you have stable housing and can rest and have the security to heal further....
Best wishes to u

That's great j dog
Yes I am enough is a fabulous one
Good to hear u

Thank u for your post as this is what I came on here to post about...
Toxic shame is horrible.. Mines come up ++ so I can do a bit more healing on it. A lot of the time it's catching the thought for example today was 'I wonder if I'm one of those people that others think is weird'. Over lay thought your a sweet good person. Example 2 thought your disgusting to be around... Overlay thought 'who is saying that?' that is not kind and its not true.

For me recognising the thought is key... Or else I just feel bloomin awful and like a reject of society... And I'm anything but... I'm a survivor and a good person

Lovely... Yes rest is sooo important I am releasing more as I get older.
Currently being referred to a cfs clinic and so I'm now in a place where I am paying attention more than ever of a slower pace, pacing and not being driven by a mind that tells me to keep doing.
I'm blessed I don't work and so I have this opportunity in my life to really change the programme.
I used to be so annoyed with myself when I was working that I'd just lay on my bed, or lay down after a shift. Now I see it would have been much more self loving to accept that is what I needed and that's why it happened. Doing is so over rated

Introductory Post / Re: Introductory post
« on: August 06, 2019, 10:13:34 PM »
Hi prose,
So glad u are here..
This forum has given and continues to give me safe support, resources and comfort.
I hear you on the tech stuff... We do are best hey..
Yes the relational healing takes more I find and I'm learning to be my own friend.. Live in hope of more connection.
The lake sounds so lovely... Nature is such a wonderful Healer

Thank u for your detailed post with all your exp and knowledge.. Its v helpful to me.
I've just come back to this post after my symptoms have gotten worse over the past month esp last wk. This has now got me to sit up and take things much more seriously and really taper my activity and active brain.

With the advocacy agencies are there any you would recommend? I live in the UK.
I have just been referred to the cfs clinic via the NHS but unfort didn't check with the gp what her referral looked like and so don't know if she made a strong case or not. Time will tell.

I feel my mood has lifted a bit today as I feel a little more in control. Accepting this after what is a long crusade with cptsd is certainly going to be a process..
With cptsd it is that I've fought to be heard, get my needs met and crashes more times than I care to mention.
I don't have fight left in me.. And actually what I'm realising is cfs presently   requires me to down tools and not fight...
To really surrender and let go in order to win... I've never really done this is my life.. Maybe that's the point...

Friends / Re: Struggling to Support Newly Disabled Friend
« on: July 24, 2019, 02:45:30 PM »
Hi plants and worms... I have had similar with a close friend lately and she has been unwell for about a year..
It was a real teaching for me in terms of taking care of myself and not being the crutch for her. Coming from a foo where I was conditioned to care take and feel responsible still can creep in. Working out what is healthy and what is not is no easy feat sometimes but I'm def getting healing in this area. The thing is my friend couldn't put the boundaries in and so when I reached breaking point I knew I had to change for the good of both of us.
I stopped having the answers so much and pointed to suggesting she contact services. Gave her my experience and gave her back her autonomy to find her own solutions. I needed to step back Stop and know that I was a friend not a nurse, financial advisor, disability worker, psychiatric Prof, social worker or any of the other roles I'd put myself in.
'I am doing my best to support, however it is also deeply triggering for me as well - feeling like it is once again up to me to ensure the safety and well-being of my loved one or something terrible will happen. I struggle even to care for myself most days due to my CPTSD. And my relationship with this friend is incredibly important to me, and I am so worried and frightened about what will come next and how we will be able to handle it'.

Nope it's not up to me no more than I would want it to be up to her if I was struggling. Adults take care of themselves and seek appropriate support. It's empowering to do this even when things are very difficult.
What I did was withdraw my engagement as I kept allowing her to find her own solutions. I've just met with this friend yesterday and she is in a much better place. We have still had contact over the time but much less intense and she knew I needed to take care of myself and seemingly respected this.

She frequently expresses to me that she can't take it anymore and can't keep going like this. As a person who grew up with frequently suicidal parents, I am so so frightened'

Living in this fear is not a place I can live in as someone with cptsd and with  my friend I pointed to the mental health crisis line. If I felt she was really in danger I would have made a call to them and given her name.
I know for myself I've had much times over my life when I've had enough and not felt I can cope anymore... But ultimately its been me who has reached out for the right support...

I wish u well worms go gentle.. Its easy for us to end up not coping too esp when it's  relationship based....
Taking care of myself comes 1st today... It has to

Eating Issues / Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 3
« on: July 16, 2019, 09:16:36 PM »
I got sober via AA first and then went to Fa.. I do both fellowships now.
My experience is that through working the steps and continuing to do so I have worked on the resentment towards my m and have grown in ways I hadn't before including detaching, protecting myself, not self seeking in m, being honest about how I feel and the rage. With my alcohol recovery I didn't get the above as I was still using food. Fa for me offers such good emotional development via close daily support from others.
I view my m now as an unwell women and have a degree of compassion for her and her life whilst still keeping nc. I actually feel now like I could handle seeing her and maintain strong boundaries to keep myself safe ( not a relationship though).
I don't hold my m responsible as much. She was /is mentally unwell.. I guess that come with healing..
12 step recovery doesn't give me everything and I have outside trauma support...

Eating Issues / Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 3
« on: July 16, 2019, 08:13:02 AM »
Thank u for the  thread..
I have had prevalent issues with binge earing since being a child and over the last years it became v bad.
I now follow a 12 step recovery programme for food addicts and have 1 year of complete abstinence. I've worked on some deep seated emotions via the step work, my sponser and others and feel in a much better place.
Here is a link for anyone who has issues with food and may like support..

United Kingdom / Re: UK - CALM (For Men)
« on: July 16, 2019, 08:07:37 AM »
Fabulous so valuable...
 The UK is seeing a rise in male specific support which is very good to see as the need is great.

United Kingdom / Re: UK - The Mind Infoline
« on: July 16, 2019, 08:05:32 AM »
Thanks kizzie
Yes, Mind is such a brilliant charity for supporting people with mental health problems and raising awareness. It is the largest charity in the UK.
Aswell as the phone line there is a large resource for people in their local communities including providing drop in support groups. They also provide legal support Inc advocacy and the website has vast information on all sorts of topics.
Here is a link :

Ps I still have it on my to do list to post a section on NHS and mental health support which I shall aim to do in the next month.

Hi John ram
I understand these types of fears and I've had them over the years... Fear of developing schizophrenia, fear I have bi polar etc.. I don't have these fears anymore. For me it was good to explore the research, speak to others and I did at one point go to a psychiatrist for assessment around bi polar...which I didn't get diagnosed with. Its a horrible fear to have that I could have had something else on top of cptsd which as we know is quite enough... Thank u v much. So for me there came a point when I decided to let the fear go and trust that none of the other diagnosis would knock at my door. As someone who also is now addiction free my risk is so much lowered.
Fwiw.. As an ex psych nurse the majority of people diagnosed with schizophrenia who come through services are in their 20s..

Introductory Post / Re: Reaching out and saying Hello
« on: July 02, 2019, 07:34:45 PM »
Hi sodium.. Your a survivor and so glad your here.. This forum has been wonderful for me...
I am 9yrs clean and sober now.. Addiction can be common with cptsd.
I see myself as having a psychological injury

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