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Messages - globetrotter

#31
General Discussion / Re: More on being alone
October 24, 2014, 05:23:39 PM
Years ago when I went to ACoA meetings, their catch phrase for alcoholic parents was "Well, they did the best that they could."
Now, I cry *! (sorry)  How can they even buy in to that? The BEST that they could do would have been to recognize the damage they were doing to everyone including themselves and getting into recovery. Am I missing something?
#32
Another trust buster...nothing bites like confiding in someone and then you hear "but, you know, you have that "thing"..."
#33
Just my partner,and best friend because they have similar backgrounds and understand...and my T...
I would like to talk to my sister but am not very good at opening up with her. Not the best listener...
#34
Wow! That woman sounds like a bully. I can understand talking to you once if she disagrees with how you tend your dog cuz hey its a free country but three times is harassment! I probably would have gone off on her. And that's not a good thing.

I suspect perhaps you feel badly that she was yelling and it triggered something to make you feel shamed, or demeened. I think recognizing you may be having an EF is a huge step. I'm sorry you had  such a bad day.
#35
General Discussion / Re: Re: Holidays
October 20, 2014, 06:59:44 PM
Feeling blessed that my best family has been a gathering of friends, most often at my house, for the holidays.
In my 20s, my mother declared she was no longer cooking for the holidays. Rather than taking over, I started my own tradition. Everyone brings something so I'm not burdened with all of the cooking, and it's SOOO much fun 100x over anything I grew up with. Sometimes best holidays arise from defining a new family.
Take care -
#36
Medication / Re: Uninterrupted Sleep Tips?
October 20, 2014, 02:08:02 AM
Ive read that as well. Great for the Agricultural age but not so much post Industrial Revolution (alarm clock!). Sometimes my best sleep results from total exhaustion. Friday I got up at 330am! Ick! Even the cats were saying "*? " but Friday night I slept for 10 glorious hours and it was better than a visit with the ice cream man. Agree that our bodies tell us what we need but work can sure jack with that.

#37
I think it is worse as an only child, Butterfly.

My sister is 10 years older and was often Junior Mom. My brother is 9 years older and resented my existence but I still adored him like a baby sister will. When I was 8 they both moved out, my sister left the state and I felt shattered. She had filled in some of the gaps for the attention I wasn't getting.  Recently I realized that she was always busy with school, work, boyfriend, friends and band practice but she gave me snippets of reality.

When they left, I was alone with my alcoholic parents. There was no light or support or comfort from the sibs. I was really lonely and isolated.

Funny though it took sister a very long time (decades) to get over her motherly patterns with me...like telling me to look both ways when I crossed the street when I was nearly 30.
#38
This free video series starts Sunday. Shambhala sponsored. Some well known speakers and interesting topics. Not PTSD focused but plenty on relationships,  being present, etc. FWIW.
http://www.shambhalamountainonline.org/?inf_contact_key=6a6d9ed8f7f12ef71b32009a9e6207c03c2e336067eadab8a8d818f1e4d54079
#39
Medication / Re: Uninterrupted Sleep Tips?
October 17, 2014, 03:34:15 AM
Great question. I wake up almost every night at 2-330 am. Once in a great while I treat myself to Ambien. Exercise, watching what I eat and no coffee after noon do not help...
#40
I especially like this line:
"My recovery will shape my understanding of myself, of life and of others as I moved forward."
Often I don't give myself credit that "awareness" is part of recovery, even though it doesn't immediately mean change and doing things differently.
#41
General Discussion / Re: Building Trust
October 11, 2014, 03:59:02 PM
I feel trust at a deeply rooted emotional level and have a difficult time applying 'logic' to how to let people in. It seems to happen at the core - and even then there is the Wall thru which ' none shall pass '.

As one who flies comfortably as a loner, I don't question trust in my self. I can tell the idiots from the real people. I'm choosey about who my friends are. ..but when my partner tells me she knows I don't trust her after 20 years, I wonder HOW can I really trust anyone? She is kind and warm. I am the problem here.
#42
General Discussion / Re: The process of change
October 10, 2014, 07:46:46 PM
I appreciate you taking the time to respond, Spryte.
Trust is the final frontier for me, I think.
I understand what you are saying, it is kind of like making a new friend...you share a bit, test the waters, share a bit more, keep going if they aren't rude/mean/insensitive. (Try not to feel mortally crushed if they are.)

I've been with my partner for 19+ years and I still have trust issues - not that she will cheat, or leave me, or intentionally hurt me. It's a symptom that runs very deep. She claims I hold people at arms length, and her a bit closer than that. If I can't trust her, who can I trust? Ssheesh...we've just started to have chats about it as this bubbles up for my consideration.  I am learning a lot about my behavior from her observations, from the eye of the outsider.

To be continued.......
#43
General Discussion / Re: The process of change
October 10, 2014, 06:42:02 PM
Sorry - Inner Child had a wild hair...

I am learning a lot and gaining a ton of awareness.
Measurable progress  - questionable.
But what better investment than myself?
I shall persevere...

Do ya'll set obtainable goals for myself? Spryte, it sounds like you do.

I am exploring but sometimes wonder HOW to go about what I'm trying to achieve. I have 20,000 foot goals (trust, connection with others, quit numbing out) all of which sound very nice,  but need to chunk it down. Perhaps it's time to spend some time thinking about this - how do I achieve these things.

I've been thinking about TRUST a lot lately. How does one learn to trust??? I have a lot of good people in my life who I know (at a certain level) would never hurt me. Does that make me wake up believing it every day? NO.

#44
General Discussion / Re: The process of change
October 10, 2014, 06:17:06 PM
But I want it and I want it NOW!!! *stomping feet* Sigghhh....
#45

What did you do?

Centering, meditating, grounding..somatic exercises and visualizations w my T..I am a bit of a fitness junkie and find that running, biking, working out calms me. Also a fan of very long hikes. It's been proven that running, etc., creates the same 'calm' as meditation. It all wears the edge off and makes me feel more at peace.

Did it make a difference?
Absolutely - the chemicals our bodies release are intended just for this purpose - endocannabinoids, endorphins. etc. - it's a wonderful thing!


How long did you do it? Did you just dip your toe in or did you do it for a long time? Are you still doing it?
I found a elementary school portrait of myself in second grade pasted to a piece of paper where I wrote a few personal details, including "I like to play hard", so I think that being outside in nature and playing hard have always been an outlet for me.


Do you have any comments, any recommendations, and/or any thoughts on why it worked for you?
It reduces my anxiety, relaxes me, takes the edge off - even a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood is proven to be helpful. I would like to make meditation more of a habit, but have a hard time "finding time" - it's like mental floss - a hard routine for me to keep. You are so right, Cat, it only takes a few minutes and can make such a difference.