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I'm sitting in Burger King, working on writing . . .and because the news is on, I also have headphones on and Spotify turned up as far as I can safely listen without it damaging my hearing!  (Self-care, anyone?)

 

Candid, how's it going? I hope you're just busy and tired, maybe even 
I tried to PM but it doesn't work. So made me wonder. I just hope everything's OK, or as OK as it ever is with this Beast. 

Hope things are alright, Candid.

Thanks for sharing this Blueberry.
I was unemployed and feeling super #$^&*# about it for ages, wish this post somehow existed when that was going on. lol It's still encouraging though. Cheers.

Glad to hear the surgery went well, san. ^^
If it's alright, I wish you a happy birthday. Glad you exist, glad to have met you.

I'm really sorry to hear about all that, mate. I don't have much advice to give but I'm happy you found the forum and I hope it helps you! ^^

I think I do feel this way as well. Mainly the feeling part.

In my experiences, I've been able to just... stop loving someone if I found their behaviour unacceptable. It seems like I don't know what "true love" is, that I'm missing out on something. Not in a negative way though, I'm quite fine with not feeling unconditional love lol.
I'd be interested to hear what others have to say about this topic.

This is so weird. Just today I decided to buy myself a bottle of Vitamin D capsules. I've always been low in Vitamin D, have been since I was very young. But for some reason only recently am I actually going to do something about it. lol I guess I forgot about it.
I also got Vitamin B Complex (B1, B2, B3, B5. B6, B12) capsules, which I'm hoping will help with my low energy.
So I suppose I'll help take part in this little trial if you don't mind. Haha, see what stuff happens, how I feel in the next week or so. I've been managing a mood diary for a few months now, so I'll use that to kind of observe any changes that might stand out. Here's hoping they'll make a noticeable difference.

I wouldn't say you're being harsh, personally. I think it's a very good thing you stopped another source of troubles for you.
I've recently done the same, unfriending people on FB so I wouldn't see so much toxicity on the home page. It's helped me quite a bit and I hope you will feel the same as well. ^^

It was similar for me, except that until I went to university I'm not sure that I really befriended any of these people in the real sense of the word. I'm not sure that they viewed me as friends really. For me it was an escape from people my own age, of whom I was generally frightened and around whom I felt nervous and out of place. It's not surprising really, B1 was a paradigm of 'what teenagers should be' and I was and still am very different from him. I was not sexually abused by him, but physically and emotionally. He's only 2 years older than me. So people of a similar age - No way, no way, no way. Get me out of here.       

Thanks for replying, Blueberry.
"For me it was an escape from people my own age", oh yeah, definitely sympathise with you there. My ex/abuser is only 3 years older than me. So my friends are mostly way older than me, or in some cases younger. But never are they my own age. My youngest friend is 12 years old and my oldest is 48! Wow.

And thanks for keeping them so safe and cautious, with such clear boundaries.

It's meaningful to me as well. ^^

Today I achieved reaching out to a friend when I felt really vulnerable.

I can understand how hard that is. Good on you!

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I managed to achieve some productivity, not just today but within the past few days.
Worked shifts, sent mail, cleaned things up, posted a bit on the forums here, started writing a new resume, started a letter, and now I think I'm going to draw a bit.  Just some sketching.

Thanks for sharing, Sceal. It's much appreciated.

Those all sound really great, Kat.
I hope that hiking challenge will go well.

And good on you for shedding those tears whilst visualising that stuff...  They help so much.

I think a hospital stay like that is a perfectly reasonable cause for CPTSD. You were trapped, in others' 'care'/power, it must have been so exhausting...
I had to stay in the hospital for a single night, but even just that, I woke up wanting to get out and have some freedom. So I can't imagine how it must have been for you with that duration... truly mind numbing. :S

Welcome to the forum though. ^^

I felt better, physically, today. No more headaches. I'm stiff now though, but I've been sitting far too much today.
I drove my roomie to work today, he's had a long hard week at work - so I wanted to be kind to drive him. Let him sleep an hour longer. But the drive was tense, I'm not quite sure why really. When I dropped him off, he sat in the car for a bit and asked me what was wrong. I said the usual "nothing, I'm fine". Which for me translate to : Don't worry about it, it's not a big deal. or " I don't want to talk about it". But as per usual, he pushed me. Not with ill intent, but he just wouldn't let me off the hook. And I started getting aggressive and half-yelling at him.
I didn't really mean to, it just overcame me. I think he got a little hurt, but I was feeling hurt and defensive too. And I felt he had no right to push me. Everytime he pushes me it makes me feel bad for not talking, and when he refuses to listen to me saying no, I don't want to talk about it. Or let it lie. or it's nothing to do with you. It makes me feel like my boundaries are being crossed. And no one likes that. It ended abruptly because he of course had to go to work.

Oh I know exactly how you feel there. I said that a lot when I was with my ex... and he'd always get so angry when I wouldn't tell him what's wrong.
But san has made a good point yes. If only I'd heard about that advice when I needed it a few years ago, haha. Could have saved me from so much trouble and annoyances.

I've only done about 8 pages today. Not very good, but more than I did yesterday.

May not seem very good to you but if it's more than you did yesterday, I applaud you! Very nice to hear.
And I'm glad the headaches are gone.