Messages

Dee, I am one that could go either way with my VA, I tolerate them because I have no real alternative. Glad you like yours. I know there are good ones out there. And....thank you for your service.

Thank you AA(that is quite the awesome name and I am not about to even try saying or spelling!) At this point I am open to any response, my personal stance is that everybody can contribute something.

I haven't been diagnosed with cptsd only because they didn't check for it. Same for ptsd. Only got that after filing a claim for it. Did dx me with what the VA calls Major Depression, two and a half years ago. My t there is aware of my ongoing dv abuse from my wife. He didn't want to evaluate me to get a better idea of the big picture. I let it go at that because my personal experience with the VA has been very negative.  They seem quite happy to treat me for various ailments without a proper diagnosis.  Seems serving my country isn't enough to get honest and fair treatment from them.  One would think 20 plus years of dv abuse on top of multiple counts of MST would warrant a cptsd dx. 

They don't know about what happened before, and I won't tell them. Why risk losing benefits by giving them cause to declare my ptsd a pre-existing condition and denying my claim? Or overturning it.

Thank you Three Roses. I guess my main question is that while I was only 20 when I first recognized ptsd symptoms in myself, which drove me to attempt the "worst thing ever" 7 times over a short 2 year span...my suppressed memories began coming back this year. And they have revealed a childhood that would curl the toes of most readers. I exhibit or experience about 95% of all the things on the cptsd checklist. Not sure dissociating was on that list or lost/missing time either. What makes it the qualifier, when events happened or when the symptoms present them selves? Thank you.

Something else to consider is DH lack of willingness to put you first over himself. I am fortunate enough that my MIL is decent towards me and manages to keep her comments aaay from me. Wife, my dear CN doesn't, she's always been super quick to tell me any negative comment others have to her about me...including my own parents. I know I will never be a good enough husband. I know I will never meet her or her mother's standards.
I do hope you can get some relief from that scary mil of yours.

In the same boat...been with my CN wife for over 21 years, married for 18+ to her. Slowly cobbling together a viable  escape plan. Sorry to you both.

1) Living in the eye of a Cat 5 hurricane.
2) Don't know, 21 years into relationship with covert Narcissist, sorry couldn't remember acronym. No friends IRL buddies and work chums but no friends...ever.
3)  have no clue, still learning, too new to know what's what.
4) Don't know what hat even is.

Not combat

Not sure exactly how this qualifies but it's darn close...Grew up poorer than a dirt farmer... Dad was in the U.S. Army for 24 years. I just understood that money was tight. I bought own own first bike, cost me $7 USD. Yes, seven.  Took over a year to save for it.  Was a banana seat girls bike. BMX style boys bikes were 10$ USD. Too far out of my reach.  But nonetheless I loved that bike. Clothes were always out of the cheap bins at second shops. Sneakers...cheapest new ones you could get, $1.95 USD.  Anyway...only found out a few months ago that we weren't actually poor, borderline but not poverty stricken. No...folks raised my 2 brothers and I on a pauper's pittance to teach us the value of money. Didn't work. How do you value something you don't have?  Struggled first ten years of adulthood trying to figure it out.

Hi,
Don't have a clue, if I did, it's been long forgotten by now. Don't know if I belong here or on the child side.  Can't write anything else right now...I'm sorry