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Messages - Andyman73

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466
Anewstine,
 The way he died is a shock...it adds a whole extra layer of hurt. Like any manner of death, the grieving process takes years. And even then the pain doesn't go away.

Maybe focus on a few positives, the silver lining as it were... it was a remote location so neither you or son found him. One of my SIL and her twin sister found their mom when they were 5 years old. What else, he had already left you when he declared he wanted a divorce and moved out. Since the divorce wasn't, you're not a divorcee, but a widow...which sounds better in some circles.  Last thing...what ever he was dealing with has no bearing on you...he had moved out months earlier, and had moved on a long time before that.

Be gentle on yourself, okay? This is a huge thing to adjust to,  and you've already got a huge load you're juggling.

Oh, one last thing...that crap he was doing taking your son on his dates with coworker, is Not a failure on your part, Mom. You been doing the best you can. In my book, that makes you an awesome Momma!

467
Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: feeling incapable
« on: September 01, 2017, 12:33:55 AM »
Hey, just want to let you know that I see and hear you. You're not alone. I can't even imagine what that's like....so I won't even try. However, I can sit with you, for a spell, okay? Safe hugs 🤗 if okay.

468
General Discussion / Re: Just joined don't know where I belong
« on: August 31, 2017, 11:32:47 PM »
3 Roses,
Okay, so...if I wasn't quite 3 years old when I was csa/r, multiple times by grown man and in an unrelated separate csa/r by a teen boy...even more times. In addition to symbolized abandonment in the case of grown man...because it was over 4 nights at his house while my parents were out of town for medical emergency.  Then age 4, got a lesson in RA/MC and cults by a 7 year old rescued survivor...which I understand to be known as transferred RA...and age 5 csa by teen boy..with sole intent to cause grievous harm, which triggered my mom, who then CPA me for 6 years, 4-5 times a week, where also my dad did some only a few times a month through out the same 6 year period. There were more throughout the rest of my childhood. Would like to note that around age 6 mom gave me a concussion that took 2 weeks for all the obvious symptoms to clear up. However I began experiencing ADD like symptoms soon there after....which continue to this day.

Would this qualify me then for the child side?

469
General Discussion / Re: Experiences with CPTSD QUESTIONAIRE
« on: August 31, 2017, 10:48:27 PM »
Hey Andyman, are you in the middle of Hurricane Harvey devastation?  If so, my thoughts are with you and I hope you are able to stay safe.  :hug:

No no....I meant me, personally...I am not making it by my own doing. Literally so so far in way over my head. I barely look at any of it, because I can't handle any more than a tiny little peak. And I just had a new memory reveal itself this past Monday morning...that has given me a whole new set of nightmares..

470
General Discussion / Re: Veterans with C-PTSD
« on: August 31, 2017, 10:44:51 PM »
Dee, I am one that could go either way with my VA, I tolerate them because I have no real alternative. Glad you like yours. I know there are good ones out there. And....thank you for your service.

471
General Discussion / Re: Just joined don't know where I belong
« on: August 31, 2017, 10:42:33 PM »
Thank you AA(that is quite the awesome name and I am not about to even try saying or spelling!) At this point I am open to any response, my personal stance is that everybody can contribute something.

472
General Discussion / Re: Veterans with C-PTSD
« on: August 31, 2017, 12:04:01 PM »
I haven't been diagnosed with cptsd only because they didn't check for it. Same for ptsd. Only got that after filing a claim for it. Did dx me with what the VA calls Major Depression, two and a half years ago. My t there is aware of my ongoing dv abuse from my wife. He didn't want to evaluate me to get a better idea of the big picture. I let it go at that because my personal experience with the VA has been very negative.  They seem quite happy to treat me for various ailments without a proper diagnosis.  Seems serving my country isn't enough to get honest and fair treatment from them.  One would think 20 plus years of dv abuse on top of multiple counts of MST would warrant a cptsd dx. 

They don't know about what happened before, and I won't tell them. Why risk losing benefits by giving them cause to declare my ptsd a pre-existing condition and denying my claim? Or overturning it.

473
General Discussion / Re: Just joined don't know where I belong
« on: August 31, 2017, 07:44:34 AM »
Thank you Three Roses. I guess my main question is that while I was only 20 when I first recognized ptsd symptoms in myself, which drove me to attempt the "worst thing ever" 7 times over a short 2 year span...my suppressed memories began coming back this year. And they have revealed a childhood that would curl the toes of most readers. I exhibit or experience about 95% of all the things on the cptsd checklist. Not sure dissociating was on that list or lost/missing time either. What makes it the qualifier, when events happened or when the symptoms present them selves? Thank you.

474
General Discussion / Re: I think I have CPTSD how do I get a diagnosis?
« on: August 31, 2017, 12:21:34 AM »
Something else to consider is DH lack of willingness to put you first over himself. I am fortunate enough that my MIL is decent towards me and manages to keep her comments aaay from me. Wife, my dear CN doesn't, she's always been super quick to tell me any negative comment others have to her about me...including my own parents. I know I will never be a good enough husband. I know I will never meet her or her mother's standards.
I do hope you can get some relief from that scary mil of yours.

475
General Discussion / Re: Re: If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood
« on: August 30, 2017, 11:57:16 PM »
In the same boat...been with my CN wife for over 21 years, married for 18+ to her. Slowly cobbling together a viable  escape plan. Sorry to you both.

476
General Discussion / Re: Experiences with CPTSD QUESTIONAIRE
« on: August 30, 2017, 11:09:52 PM »
1) Living in the eye of a Cat 5 hurricane.
2) Don't know, 21 years into relationship with covert Narcissist, sorry couldn't remember acronym. No friends IRL buddies and work chums but no friends...ever.
3)  have no clue, still learning, too new to know what's what.
4) Don't know what hat even is.

477
General Discussion / Re: Veterans with C-PTSD
« on: August 30, 2017, 10:58:09 PM »
Not combat

478
Not sure exactly how this qualifies but it's darn close...Grew up poorer than a dirt farmer... Dad was in the U.S. Army for 24 years. I just understood that money was tight. I bought own own first bike, cost me $7 USD. Yes, seven.  Took over a year to save for it.  Was a banana seat girls bike. BMX style boys bikes were 10$ USD. Too far out of my reach.  But nonetheless I loved that bike. Clothes were always out of the cheap bins at second shops. Sneakers...cheapest new ones you could get, $1.95 USD.  Anyway...only found out a few months ago that we weren't actually poor, borderline but not poverty stricken. No...folks raised my 2 brothers and I on a pauper's pittance to teach us the value of money. Didn't work. How do you value something you don't have?  Struggled first ten years of adulthood trying to figure it out.

479
General Discussion / Just joined don't know where I belong
« on: August 30, 2017, 10:45:37 PM »
Hi,
Don't have a clue, if I did, it's been long forgotten by now. Don't know if I belong here or on the child side.  Can't write anything else right now...I'm sorry

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