I talk openly about my trauma/healing work all the time. Even when it was happening, I would tell "funny" stories about the chaos in my childhood to the other kids at school (it kept people from bullying me and turned my experiences into social currency, something useful). Pretty much all my friends and some of my coworkers know my "story" or at least the highlights. I write openly about aspects my trauma/healing on social media when I'm feeling triggered, because I feel like it helps me bring it into the light and not be ashamed. I write poems about it, essays. I go to trauma groups (or on this forum) and speak about it with others.
Honestly I'm sick of hearing myself. Sometimes when I'm talking or writing about my trauma, it feels like a faucet I can't figure out how to shut off. I get mad at myself for being so self absorbed that it's all I think about. I get mad at myself for giving everyone the "TMI" version of everything, of being unable to edit myself for my context. I get mad at myself for how eager I am to talk in cry in therapy -- I feel pathetic that no one ever has to draw it out of me, I just spill it everywhere all the time. I have a deathly fear of being a narcissist, like my mother. I see so much of her in me. I have a deathly fear that everyone in my life is sick of hearing me, sick of my self pity and my sad stories. But I also can't let go of telling it. If I don't talk about it, it eats me up inside. How do I let go and shut up? I just want to learn to shut the faucet off and not feel any pain.
Honestly I'm sick of hearing myself. Sometimes when I'm talking or writing about my trauma, it feels like a faucet I can't figure out how to shut off. I get mad at myself for being so self absorbed that it's all I think about. I get mad at myself for giving everyone the "TMI" version of everything, of being unable to edit myself for my context. I get mad at myself for how eager I am to talk in cry in therapy -- I feel pathetic that no one ever has to draw it out of me, I just spill it everywhere all the time. I have a deathly fear of being a narcissist, like my mother. I see so much of her in me. I have a deathly fear that everyone in my life is sick of hearing me, sick of my self pity and my sad stories. But I also can't let go of telling it. If I don't talk about it, it eats me up inside. How do I let go and shut up? I just want to learn to shut the faucet off and not feel any pain.