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Topics - plantsandworms

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Medication / Meeting With Psychiatrist For The First Time - Tips?
« on: October 11, 2017, 04:26:30 PM »
Hey everyone, I am scheduling an appointment with a psychiatrist for the first time and I'm wondering whether yall have tips for what I should be looking for. This psychiatrist specializes in treating PTSD and is also from a "holistic" school of mental health treatment. He was recommended to me by my therapist who I like a lot but is a little more of a "hippy" than me haha. This person I'm going to see apparently does panels on my vitamin levels, neurotransmitter levels, etc. and examines both my physical and mental health history to find a treatment that works for me (which may or may not include anti-depressant or anti-anxiety meds). I guess I'm just wondering what other experiences folks have had with first-time appointments and whether there are "red flags" to watch out for or treatment recommendations that are "good signs." Thanks for any input, wish me luck!

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I've been in a pretty steady downslope/period of regression for the past two months, ever since hearing that my grandmother had died. I am no contact with my entire family and have been for a while now, but her death just brought everything right back to the forefront. Suddenly I was having an overwhelming amount of emotional flashbacks on a daily basis, and in nearly every aspect of my life. I started to isolate pretty badly because it felt weird to grieve someone I hadn't seen in ten years, but it was happening anyway.

Lately I've felt some sense of normalcy returning, but then yesterday I woke up feeling this way that I can only describe as reckless. It felt numb and the lack of anxiety/depression feelings made me feel powerful I guess. I skipped work and drove out to my childhood neighborhood about an hour away, just driving up and down the streets feeling like I was in a dream. It felt nice to be immersed in that nostalgia and see how things had changed. Then I drove myself to the movie theater, and lo and behold The Glass Castle was playing. I watched it and was fascinated by how many of our experiences overlapped. It was a matinee showing and I was the only one in the theater, so I let myself laugh out loud at the worst parts (a coping mechanism of mine when I'm feeling upset by a memory). It felt nice, like exposing myself to a trigger and not being overtaken by it.

But then this morning I woke up feeling more hopeless than I have in a long time. I skipped work a second day and just cried for a long while. I feel a bit like no matter how far I progress there will always be things that yank me right back to the beginning of my journey. But I know I've learned a lot and every time I make that journey it will be easier and I will get further. It's just hard to feel like I'm getting anywhere right now. And most of all I just find my behavior so mystifying, why did I do all of that yesterday? It was like I didn't have a care in the world, and I'm a person who often tries to carry the woes of the whole world on her back.

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Introductory Post / New here, stuck in survival mode (TW)
« on: October 10, 2017, 06:37:59 PM »
Hey everyone, grateful to have found this forum. I am a woman in my mid-20s and I was diagnosed with C-PTSD in January of this year, after a previous diagnosis of anxiety and chronic depression. I have been in therapy for ten months now and have had a lot of breakthroughs, but processing all of this has me feeling like I'm barely hanging on to each moment.

The background of my diagnosis is basically this: I was born to a teen mother who was being held hostage in a rural area by a physically and sexually abusive partner. She escaped with me across state lines when I was three years old. I was kidnapped by this man when I was four or five and spent six months with him until I was returned to my mother. What followed was a series of unfortunate events brought on by the fact that my mother was poor, uneducated, and never sought help for her trauma. A lot of the burden of our situation fell to me as soon as I was old enough to help (eight or nine years old). We lived in dozens of places and were sometimes homeless, always living in a constant state of chaos and crisis. My mom went on to have many other children and their care was largely my responsibility. She had romantic partners that turned out to be really * people who put us through a lot. She also had explosive anger and paranoia and directed it mostly at me as her primary support system.

I started running away a lot in my teens and at 17 I cut off all contact. I have gone on to achieve some success in my life, as I channel all of my energy into my work. However, I feel completely empty inside. I isolate from others a lot because I don't know how to love or be loved and I'm afraid to repeat cycles of abuse. I put all of my energy into my work but then most times my work just feels meaningless. The tiniest things make me feel extremely fearful or overwhelmed. People think that I have so much going for me but really I'm barely holding it together. And to top it all off, it has been years since my no-contact decision and my mother is still frequently sending me threatening and/or pleading messages, showing up at my house and screaming in the street, or calling my work and my friends. I am also unable to have relationships with my siblings, because they are still young and under her control. I feel a lot of guilt about that.

I am so ready to do my healing work and reach my fullest potential, but my trauma feels completely inescapable. I can't do anything outside of what I absolutely must do to survive as a human or do well at work. I'm hoping that connecting with others who have similar experiences might help me put the pieces together a little better. Anyway, thanks for reading.

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